I'm 22 and have been in a close, seemingly platonic, friendship for nine years now. We've both been with plenty of people, but I've always been secretely attracted to her. For the past two years, when we're alone and get too drunk together we play a sick, twisted game. She pretends to sleep, but lets me grind on her and feel her up for hours. It's happened at least a dozen times and we NEVER talk about it. I masturbated to the thought of us having sex, basically ever since I've met her, but could never do it. It's gotten so bad that once she put on weight I started getting really into chubby fetishes. I'm a young, attractive guy wtf... I don't think this is healthy.