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I feel like I'm just living the same day over and over and no one feels the same way but me. I get up, eat, go to class, maybe workout, then go out. If I have a test, I'll be in the library studying all night. I pay dues to a sorority that doesn't even mean anything to me. All for what? To have people like me? I just sometimes think... what is it all for? I used to do all this in high school but my life still felt a lot more meaningful. I wasn't constantly asking myself, what's missing? I had everything. So what changed? I feel like I'm somewhere that's EVEN WORSE than high school. I constantly feel judged. People look at you and all they look at is your sorority letters, and they immediately think they know you. No one knows me. I am my own person. I am not defined by a group of people. I also feel like everything is about who's prettier or who hooked up with who. I find myself CONSTANTLY asking, "what am I doing?" Things have changed a lot. I've lost purpose and I've lost sense of who I am since I've been here. I feel self conscious, I feel forced to go out. WHAT IS IT ALL FOR? For people to like me throughout my college years and then do what? I think I'm afraid of being lonely. There's something missing in my life. I want to stay in college, but I also want to have passion for something. I'm sick of my life being a popularity contest. WHO CARES? Everybody up here cares and is competing with each other on who can look better. I want to look my best, but I'm not gonna judge anyone for not looking theirs. Its ridiculous and immature. I've also learned it's all about going out. People care so much about going out instead of doing things that matter. I get it, you're supposed to have fun in college. This is way too far. Is going out the only thing to life? Is a frat party or date function seriously THE ONLY thing that matters? I want to make a difference. I want to have passion for a sport again. I want to feel happy about myself and not feel like I'm doing nothing with my life. I'm sick of feeling like this. I want meaningful conversations. I want people to give a shit about anything more than going out. Some might say it's all about who you hang out with. For me, it's the atmosphere I'm surrounded by. I'm sick of caring about things that don't matter. I want to worry about what really matters in life. Maybe I'm just over it all. Some of these people will be there for you forever. But who you are socially in college? DOES IT MATTER? Who thinks of this when they are out of college? I want to change. But how?

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