I wish I never had sex!!!! the one guy I loved and trusted who took my virginity ended up raping me...my trust of men is forever destroyed and I just can't look at myself anymore...I hate myself and I hate him...he was cheating anyway...why would he do that to me?did he really hate me that much?he knows how hard it was for me to have sex. ...and how painful it was...I cried myself to sleep for months..not eating or sleeping and even now my insomnia has gotten worst even though we're not together. I get frightened out of my sleep sonetimes...I'm scared to let guys touch me.. I feel like if I tell them it just turns them off and they will hate me too,especially if they know the full story.i told 3 frirnds n 1 was very disgusted...he said I was crazy...:/idk if I can ever live with myself.