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some people would see my life and think I don't have it too bad..some people would see me and think I'm happy. but I'm not. the exact opposite as a matter of fact. I'm not happy about anything going in my life. I've always tried my best because you know they always say hard work pays off. Yeah well I call bullshit. Doesn't matter what happens I still remain alone locked away in the prison I've built for myself. some people don't understand what mental illness does to a person. I keep myself isolated cuz I'm not in the mood to deal with people. I'm honestly just disturbed with the world we live in. I have nothing to look forward to or be happy about and I honestly wish I could just go away and blow by like the wind. I live everyday feeling dead inside. I could seek help sure...But the illness inside me keeps me from reaching out. it's hard to explain man.

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  • thanks everyone for the positivity

  • I'm one of those people that most never think is hurting. I smile at everyone, I'm altruistic, I don't think I'm judgmental. I have been referred to as an angel. The catch... I'm utterly depressed. My home life is full of arguments, and not the fun kind. The only reward from my job is the people I help, because I damn sure don't think I'm worth minimum wage. My friends put up with as opposed to actually like me. My best friends are always on my case about my questions. I just am curious and I don't think about when it's a bad idea to ask. My school life is a failure and my romantic life has officially been marred by cheating and lies. And I'm the kind of guy that never hits on women. I'm just doing me and some of them like me. Of course, I'm too dumb to notice, so I always fuck it up. The cherry on top, I'm pretty sure that the only thing I want to do, I can't because my dad works for the government and is afraid of the house being raided. Reasonable. So I just walk and do things for everyone else because I'm pretty sure, I'm a lost cause. So my advice... pick something you really like and just do it for a while. It could be the plainest thing on Earth or otherwise. Just do it for fun. I can't promise everything falls into place. But I can say most things are going to end up where they were intended to, and there's little chance you can do anything about it. But try. The start is knowing there's something wrong. The next step is doing you anyways because no fucks given.

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