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This is literally very rare(and a loooong venting,ranting story) of me I've never spoke any of my feelings to ANYONE, not even my family or any friends. Well I've literally been hating my life for years and years I've fucked up so many times. I never listened to what anyone had to say to me. I wasn't a complete fuck up of course I had my happy memorable moments like anyone has but I'm 22 now and been feeling like this for the past 5 years. I fucked up my middle school years and high school years I'll be honest I was bullied but I feel like it was my fault. I literally never had a gf well only one that lasted for 2 weeks but that's some kid shit i was 15 it didn't matter. anyways in school all I wanted was to be that cool kid but I just got put down even girls bullied me this isn't all about bullying but because my dad was barely around when in was a kid I didn't have friends, I barely went out, I stared out the window of the projects where I lived. I knew what cocaine, heroin, weed,hookers were at the age of 5 never did drugs only weed of course(not at age 5) seen the worst of people. My dad wasn't horrible he just worked Aloot! when he came home he went straight to bed. My mom well I'll just say my parents never wanted each other so they were very distant long story to why they got married another time, anyways I grew up afraid even though I tried to be tough, I'm still afraid, I have no diploma(didn't drop out just didn't pass the dam test), drivers license,never had a real gf. I've spent all my childhood till now just playing video games and teenage years did MMA those two things are then only thing that make feel alive.I wanted to be a fighter but got into it kinda late I always fought on the streets so fighting is in me but I'm not training anymore haven't trained in years. all I do is play games but YouTube is a hard gamble now. I feel like a failure to my family and friends. Especially my father he worked so hard and I threw everything away because I was a afraid lil boy now that I realised my parents don't have long and I'm literally as broke as a joke. its tearing me inside out trying to figure out how ima get me and my family out this shit of apartment we went from super poor, to middle class , to wealthy to poor again we lost everything and I can tell my dad is depressed too. Idfk what to do I seriously have suicide thoughts and I'm the type of guy that you meet in person and would think I'm "macho". I've literally lost hella weight I used to be built a lil bit kuz of MMA training. but idk man this all is too much even! my mom is depressed she she literally ate herself into having too get surgery she has stones in her stomach and there usually in the kidney. We are a sad family right now and IDFK how to fix it!, this is literally all on me my sis she moved on don't hear from her and I'm here with a plate so full its overflowing. I can't sleep, eat, nothing! been like this for years!!. (BTW IDK HOW THIS APP WORKS BARELY GOT IT, I JUST NEEDED TO VENT, I SUCK AT THIS. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME TALKIMG ABOUT MY FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS TO ANYONE.)

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  • To long, didn't read it

  • I know how you feel. My situation has its differences but its okay to just vent out what's going on in your head. But if you feel like this then why don't you do something about it? Maybe look on the positive side and dust yourself off. Go out and start training again. Get a nearby job to help the folks. Work hard for your license and even try going back to school if you feel the need to. I hope that things work out for you in the nearby future. Best wishes 😊

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