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The day before Thursday, January 8th 2015 I had got a friend request on Facebook from a guy I did not know him and we did not have any mutual friends in common, but I accepted the request anyways. I didn't think much of it. But not even five minutes later I got a message from him asking if I wanted to smoke with him and hangout. I said yeah. I was depressed and didn't care about my safety or health I just wanted to feel better. So we started texting and we set up to meet for the 8th early in the morning so I wouldn't go to school. It was a half a day and it was one of the coldest days of the year. He said he was having his friend drive us to his house in a gold car. It was about 7:30 and they showed up. I got in the back behind the passengers seat behind him. His friend brought us to his house. His house was a light gray. We walked through the front door and it was a hall that led to his front door straight ahead and to my right was a staircase that was right above the basement we took a right to the door that led to the basement and we went down stairs and we sat down on the steps I was to his right next to a wall that covered up most of my view of the rest of the basement. I took my jacket off because I didn't want it to smell like weed. He was wearing jeans, red shirt, black and red shoes and a black jacket. I was wearing a jacket, sweater, black shirt and jeans. We started talking about our life and just normal stuff you'd have in a conversation. He told me he was 35 and he had a girlfriend and two kids up stairs. I told him I was 16 and a junior in highschool and what I wanted to do when I graduated. We started smoking halfway through us talking. About 10-15 minutes later there was nothing to smoke anymore and I felt stupidly high. He smelled of cigarettes. He kissed me and we started making out and that didn't bother me what bothered me was when he started to grope me and put his hand between my legs and started touching me. I told him no and stop and I said I felt uncomfortable and I didn't want him to do that. He did not listen, instead he grabbed a handful of my hair from the back of my head and dragged me to the middle of the basement to where there was a mattress up against the wall and I didn't even know the entire time that it was. He flipped the mattress down onto the floor and stopped it from slamming on the floor with his foot. He then threw me onto the dirty stained mattress and got on top of me. He held me down by my neck and started to strip me. Then he released my neck from his grip and took my sweater off I tried to stop him but I couldn't. My glasses flew across the room when he ripped my sweater off of my body. He ripped my shirt in half and pushed my bra up. I was trying to push him off of me but he held both wrists down above my head and he started to kiss me everywhere and then he forced my pants off only getting my left leg out and leaving the other halfway down. My shoe came off of my left foot when he got my pants down. He practically ripped my underwear right off my body. He forced my legs open causing my hip to pop out of place. He forced his fingers inside of me. I couldn't breathe and I felt useless. He then took his clothes off until all he had on was a red tank top. He had a small tattoo on his upper left arm. He forced his penis inside of me. He was moaning and it made me feel gross and dirty. He kept telling me how I was so tight. I kept watching his eyes roll to the back of his head every time he pushed further and further inside of me. He said he would be the best I'd ever have. I felt like I couldn't do anything, I felt like I lost. He wouldn't let me close my eyes. I just hoped it would be over so I could disappear. When he was almost done he moved his hands to my hips and went faster and harder until he finished inside of me.(I was still on my back) He got up and came over to my head and forced his penis in mouth and made me clean it, he held my wrists down. I ended up throwing up on the floor and he got mad and kicked me in the stomach a few times with his shoes on. I couldn't breathe and I ended up throwing up again. He walked away and put his boxers and pants on. I sat up and fixed my bra and tried to cover myself. He took his tank top off and threw it at me and told me to clean myself up and said I looked like shit. I looked at the shirt it was on the mattress next to blood (my blood). He put his shirt and jacket back on and threw a $20 at me that was in his wallet and told me to leave and if I wasn't gone in five minutes he would be back for round two. He left and I heard the door close. I put my sweater that was on the floor next to me back on over my ripped shirt. I got up and put the rest of my pants back on ignoring the fact that I was bleeding and my underwear where hanging off my leg. I popped my hip back in place and went to find my glasses across the room. I put my shoe on and my jacket on. I put my hair up and picked up the $20 that he threw because I had no ride home he said he would bring me home and it was too cold to walk and I couldn't walk like that. So I picked my bag up and walked over to the door and waited a minute before opening the door and then I opened it slowly and when I knew he wasn't there I ran as fast as I could as far as I could go until I could no longer see his house. Nobody knew anything happened. About a week later it finally hit me that I could get pregnant so I took a pregnancy test and it was negative and not long after I got my period. That was the end of it I didn't talk about it, I let it sit and boil in the back of my head until exactly a year later that's all I can think about and I can't talk about because I didn't think anyone would believe me because I didn't even believe myself when I said maybe it wasn't your fault. So for weeks I had been cutting until it went from cutting my shoulders to my wrists and then wanting to not die but not live. January 8th 2016 I was laying in the hospital bed with cuts all up and down my arms. Why because I didn't want to feel it and I blame myself so I took it out on myself. About 2-3 weeks later I'm about a push away from killing myself. Well here I am today trying to deal with this the first step was acknowledging it is not my fault and I can't hide it. Sorry if this was too much I haven't told anybody but my therapist and I needed to let it all out

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  • Even though I rather you not kill yourself i do understand why you would want to. im not going to say i know your pain. i hate when people say it to me, but i will say if i could get away with it i would skin that man alive.

  • Please don't I've been in a situation similar to your and I attempted suicide 4 times. I know the feeling of wanting to die and not thinking anybody cares or would understand you but they do. My sister commuted suicide 4 months ago and the note she left broke my heart it said nobody cared and nobody loved or understood her if only she knew how much I loved her. And I know how scared you must of been in that situation I was raped by my friends dad several times and i had 2 abortions because of him. I know you can make it though this I did and I know you can. The way I got threw it was I became someone who people could talk to if they were thinking about suicide and I would speak to them and it helps to know that you saved someone from the worst decision they could make please if you need to talk about it message me back I'm here for you

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