I really hate myself. I really hate my life. I really hate the way my brain works and i want to put it all to an end. I am suicidal since i am 3 or 4 years old. The people around me always thought it was a joke, so i stopped talking about it for almost 14 years, i only talked to a few people about it, but now it's really hard to not kill myself. I really want to, but i am afraid to fail and i hate the thought about my family falling apart afterwards. Why are there people that care? Why can't they just hate me? What did i do to deserve this?