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πŸ˜•i mostly just get drunk und try to sleep when im alone.. like now. i habe a few friends, but my problem is, that they are either women (I tried to hook up/tried to get together with which didnt worked) or guys which are mostly stupid and jerls (some of the women are just plain stupid too...).. im in a psychological treatment, but it doesnt work at all... the only time i ever felt comfortable with myself was when i loved someone, but those women always cheated on me and left.me.more broken then inwas at the beginning... im poor (i cant get a legal job, because of my psychiatrist(a threat to others and myself) and cant really do anything(legal) to fix it at the moment... im brutally honest, i admit that i ttied to kill myself last year(a rope and lots of whiskey) i afmit that im lonely and pretty easy to convince that i am loved and threted respectful, i admit thay i dont really feel anything at the moment, except the alcohol.. and that i dont really know.. what to feel at all, because i have so many problems(at least of i just look at a first world life(which doesnt mean that it isnt a problem, it just means i grew up differently)) debts, hunger(yes even in Germany therr are people who suffer from this, most say they wouldn't had to, but... with my problems depression (for 20years(im 26 yay)) rough childhood(most things you can imagine happened(well the 9gag community is.. weird, so 50% of what you can imagine)z it could be understandable))and hate(obesity, being white(in Germany.. what a surprise)) i deeply hate most people here in the area i live(you can find racism anywhere... and sadly, i can even understand those people.. the refugees want a house and a car for free?!? they want to get everything fore free, fuck our women and hate our men?!? some get around 3000€ per month(i have 350+356 rent) Γ—what a surprise that the AFD gets so many votes...) and i know its still alot for some, but its not much here.. ask others in my situation))) but in the end.. im bound to this place i call "home"(and hey, my apartment is amazing, id love to call it home.. somewhere else or with someone special) i know that alot of people got out of a situation like mine, or a similar situation, but i feel like i cant... i feel like im never be able to get out of this, i feel like the suicide attempt from 5months ago want the last, but until i got rid of my mom (by starting to either make her hate me, or moving faaaaaaar away (which isnt possible because im poor AF)) or until i got rid of.. the other few things that keep me living, im not able to get rid of myself a lucky coincidence!?!?(not in my opinion) i know i will earn hate for this post, even if some are afraid of comment it, i know that i will earn pity because of this post, even if some are afraid of somment on it.. i dont care people, im drunk. you want to know why i am like this? my childhood was extremely horrible, my teenage years where painful(cause im a fat loner).and my "adult" years are just awful, my ex's gfs lied to me,cheated on me.. and i bet even hated me and laughed at me, because o fell in love with them.. i almost adopted a baby. and got married(i lobed her.. i really did.. she didnt loved me at all) i was the plan z for her.. (citizenship and id had to pay for the baby aka chold support.. the only things that she wabted from me..) one send me a video of her getting fucked in paris (that guy flew her jn first class, she was a model... buut I fucked a model, its something right?!? my matress knows beyter to move in bed then her... πŸ˜‚) and the other one asked me to marry her on sunday.. and texted me on Wednesday "i found the guy ill marry, im sorry".. i tried everything to get her back, but ended up tryin to commit suicide.. 100% of my experiences with relationships tell me to hate and despite women.. but i cant. is a women(and or a men) that you find amazingly attractive and even worship,staying in front of you, not the most breathtaking sight ever?!? i mean someone that makes you smile like an idiot, someone that makes your brain goes just crazy.. someone that makes you dream about her (or him) maybe even someone that you will see only one split second of your life, and you just WANT her(him)?!? i know such a woman.. but she is just as broken as i am(maybe even more) but so gorgeous..she is so cute when you talk to her in person, but also intimidating when you text with her(she is more of a right wing person.. sadly, so I wont ever get together(that i dont stand a chance at all, is another problem)with her... she is exactly what I need, if she wouldnt be so... right(πŸ˜‚)) i know that im writinf waaay tooo much for the average person on here but i just needed to ket it out somewhere... im a broken individual im a broken soul. i am thinking waaaaaaay to much fornmu own good. and i am drunk.i needed to vent somewhere and this felt like the besr opportunity. i know that i would've need to change my whole life, and im trying. but its bot easy.. if you'd know my life, even then some could say "i lived through somethonf similar an changed".. but we all are diffetent individuals and see life in a different way.. i wished i had the strength to change, but im fetting even more drjnk and see if i can seleep... thanks to everyone who will take the time to.read this messy post, and im sorry to everyone who watsed time of his oife reading it... i needed to vent somewhere, i need ed to let it out, whatever thispost will be tomorrow...

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  • Damn. I am deadly honest too and i have to say, sucks to be you. But your words made me kinda tear up because it's pretty relateable (even being german). Just want to tell you i feel sorry for you and wish you the best for your future if you make it. if not, see ya in heaven boy.

  • i know its loong.. dont care... on top of it all, I feel a deep hate and anger injust want to crush someone's skull with my boots.. onlu to feel if its worth it.. let him.bite the concrete like in american history x and see the jaw fly away, reducing someone into a pile.of nothingness, making others fear me, making othersbeing afraif of me.. i dknt care if it makes any sense, thise are just ny drunk thoughts

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