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First off... This might get out of hand as I have never confessed anything to anyone before. Or never the full truth at least. Also, after reading what I wrote, I realized you will most likely start despising or hating me while reading this. I am what one would consider an average man of 22 years, I think. I live an ordinary, boring life in an ordinary and boring coastal village. I am of average intellect and physique, eat three times a day and have a lot of friends of whom I consider a few to be very close friends to the extend, that I would call them family. Nothing out of the ordinary. Also I don't judge anyone based on religion, heritage, gender, birthplace or on any other silly reason the human mind could come up with to justify hatred. Because I don't justify the hatred I harbor for all of mankind (myself excluded). I profoundly hate and detest every person I have ever met. Be they family, friends, neighbors, teachers, co-workers, infants, children, teenagers, adults, elderly or anyone else. I don't know where this hatred hails from as it just happened to replace the indifference I felt towards other humans when I was about 16 years, give or take a year or so. But every rule has an exception. And even though I can't say it was love I felt... or still feel...this one has two. My first girlfriend is one of them. She is rather intelligent and well educated, a good person at heart, that loves to do good deeds, with a little malice here and there and she even likes mostly the same things I do. But she is quite unattractive (she isn't even fat. she's just a little too round for my taste). That's why I broke up with her when I was 16. Yes, I was and still am shallow and narcissistic. That is also the reason why I, over the course of the years, have played with her feelings and whenever I felt like it with her. Whether she had a boyfriend at that time or not didn't matter. Don't misunderstand, she is fully aware of all this and has always been. She just can't help it. Why? I have no Idea. Seriously. I don't understand that woman. Never have, never will. Heck I even acted out that I had a possibly terminal disease (only in front of her of course) once, just to see how she would react. She obviously cried and told me she'd support me all the way. I had quite the laugh for two weeks straight. I never told her that I was not ill but I expect she got the hint when I acted like I never told her that I was. She still wants me and does everything for me. So that is something, even though I don't particularly want her, went well for me. The second exception went, let's say, karmic. I met her at a job I took to kill some time while waiting for a reply from another company. I was mesmerized the second I saw her. She was everything I sought in a woman. Intelligent, educated, nice, beautiful, caring, a little bit silly at times and she likes the same stuff I do. To me, the ultimate keeper. And after a few weeks of getting to know each other, we had a date! We got along nicely and we hooked up. Or so I thought. This time around, I had become the plaything. She discarded me after about 3 months. And even though I knew she would do that somewhere along the line, it does leave somewhat of a bad taste whenever I think of her. I really miss the snuggling. Well. Those were the exceptions. The other people are better off as the first exception but not as well as the second. I pretty much constantly lie, cheat and manipulate without reserve. When I'm bored of that I usually vanish from the picture for a while. Whether other people are hurt by that or not, doesn't concern me. And even though I seldom do anything that doesn't hurt people, most are still there when I have a problem and most of the time they resolve it even if I don't ask them to. That's some of the stuff I have never told anybody. Except for the story of the second exception. That was just so for completions sake. I could still confess some stuff about what exactly I did through lies, manipulation and cheating. But I think this is enough for today. Who would have guessed? It's refreshing to be honest to complete strangers on the internet.

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  • I did read it but yeah.. Okay. It's kinda sad that you can't find the love of your life and hurt people on your way. But you probably don't care

  • Too long didn't read!

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