My boyfriend has been treating me like crap lately. He disappeared and didn't speak to me for like 2 weeks. No texts, refused to answer my calls, just totally disappeared. I was loyal. He's going through a hard time emotionally and I'm trying so hard to be there for him and be supportive and loving. He came back and we were talking and I thought things were getting better but sometimes he's so nasty to me. Like nasty as in purposefully mean when he talks to me. I'm trying to ride it out because I love him so much. When he disappeared I didn't want to eat or drink anything. I cried all the time. I didn't want anything except him. I was very close to killing myself a few times because I was so scared he wasn't coming back, that he'd left and he didn't want me anymore. We've been dating for over 2 years long distance and I just saw him in June. We were so happy and now... I was going to move there to be with him and we were going to get married after a while and have a family eventually. Now that he's back and still nasty to me and lashes out at me and makes me feel like he doesn't even LIKE me, I feel like the only way to get some emotional distance is by talking to other guys. I do NOT want to cheat on him (is this even a relationship anymore? We barely talk on Skype, we mainly text and when we text we argue, we don't have sex, he won't even blow me a goddamn kiss anymore so is this a relationship??), I do NOT want to sleep with anyone else but I thought maybe if I saw what else was out there I wouldn't need him so much. Maybe it wouldn't feel like the world is ending when he says he needs time and it feels like we're going to break up. I don't want to kill myself. I want a life. I want a family. I want a man to love me as much as I love him. I want to have sex and be affectionate with him. I desperately want him to be that guy but I don't know if he wants that anymore, at least enough to work at it. Would it be so terrible for me to just dip my toes into the water and see if it's POSSIBLE that someone might want me?