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I realize that the love and comfort of a father doesn't belong to me... My biological father has been in my life my entire life, but he has never been present emotionally or for moral support, the only time he has every partaken in enthusiasm of my life is when he's punishing me... Even as an adult.... To punish me verbally or emotionally to turn my own mother against me... The woman who loves me more than anyone on this earth... A love and compassion close to God's love himself... I have never felt acceptance from him, or encouragement.. I've been looking for love in the arms of men... To protect me and keep me safe... To love me unconditionally... And from what I've told them of my life it has shown that I have daddy issues... I try to hide behind the relationship I've almost destroyed with my mom as a basis of excuse to why I'm suffering but the real truth is that I have never felt the love of a man.... The warmth of love... Unconditional acceptance... I would expect that a father would love me virtue the fact that he knows his love with my mother has created a seed in the world that is an extension of himself... But I've realized birthing a child doesn't necessarily that they are given your love... I fear ever have children for not being able to love them or them not having a good father who will love them inside and out and show them they are wanted and needed I. This reality... I know my mother very well... During the time my parents got a divorce my mother was both mother and father... I felt safe and loved... Accepted and free... And then he came back into our lives and then I felt slighted after awhile... I started acting out because of the energy that he brought into the home... Then my freedom ceased... He told my mom I was taking advantage of her and then she turned her discipline on me and from then to now as 23 years old from 12 my life has been under scrutiny because the person that the man who donated sperm was long before I was born... I wish the right man would come into my life... And show me what it means to love and be in the company of a real man

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