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I have a problem. I forgot my past relationship completely. I know it was abusive and I know he cheated, had unconsentual sex with me and choked me out multiple times. He was melodramatic and I was constantly walking on eggshells. However, I was immensely jealous after our relationship started breaking down, I always looked at everything I could find. Ironically, I always confessed to my snooping out of guilt. Not the smartest idea. At some point I started losing it completely because the pressure was too much and after he ran away and, when I found him, threatened to kill himself I broke down and hit my flat hands onto his head so many times he had a bruise that was bleeding on his head. Considering I was only 15 and turned 16 it was probably too much stuff happening in this relationship which is why I forgot everything else. But I can't help but blame myself to this day. I think the reason why I can't stop trying to remember stuff is because I am afraid that I was the abusive one. Maybe I was the one who tortured him so much he became a monster. I don't know... He was 18 at the time so technically he was an adult but I can't help but think that I was the one who destroyed him. enough rambling. sorry you had to read this nonsense.

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  • No. You didn't do that to him. That's what he did to you.

  • Hi! I'm pretty sure I can help you out with that. It sounds like your ex-boyfriend was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. What you describe describes it very well, also the suicidal tendencies when you left. Please google about BPD and go to the corresponding reddit page (the sub-reddit is called bpdlovedones). It helped me a lot to get over my abusive relationship. What you describe now is so-called "fleas" you get from being together with a borderline person. He will send you on guilt trips, which is why you're questioning your own guilt now. This is an effect of his manipulative behaviour. If you need any more information, feel free to comment and I'll reply

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