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I feel like an outcast, because I really am. When I was a kid, I felt so different for no reason, I refused to play with the other kids, and I stayed alone in kindergarten. But then in first grade, I started to fit in, and I became one of the popular kids, it lasted until ninth grade, I got bullied, that's when I understood that I don't belong with others, and their world is not my place. I was completely different: I had different interests, beliefs, thoughts, political views, and the only thing I had in common with those who surrounded me, is that we are all human, nothing else. I realized the real me isn't accepted, so I completely shut down, god why did I do this!. I became an isolated person, and most importantly, lost my ability to open up. Pushing people away and letting them use me are skills that I seem to be good at, I make everyone give up on me without even trying. There are many people I'm interested to know, but I can't even see me trying anymore, and if they approach me, I feel sorry for them, because they'll end up either hurt or disappointed, and both things will make me feel worse. I also experience many emotions in one day, I could be thinking that I don't want to exist anymore and then I would feel like the strongest person on earth. I completely destroyed me, I'm going crazy I guess. Is it normal? Is it gonna change? I just wanna dig a tunnel out of the hole I have buried myself in, but I don't know how to do it...

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  • I wake up every day and see Three Little Birds and i know everything will be alright.

  • The expiercing many emotions in one day reminds me of BPD.

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