I don't love my family. I always felt like I had to force it because everyone else was like "ohh i love my family so much, family over everything blabla". I have depressions since 5 years and the source of all the bad things happening to me, is my family. I'm not saying that I never experienced any good with them, we had good times too. But i feel like i can't breath when I'm around them too much. I feel like i'm changing, but not into someone that i can be proud of. I applied for University this year, in a few places far away from home. If I won't be accepted, I think I might kill myself this year. Everything is just a dead end. I tried.