I tell my friends "if you need me, text me, call me, let me know, I'll be there." And I fuss when they don't let me know they need someone. I tell my friends "but it's not good to pretend everything is okay." And I fuss when they argue. I do my best to make sure they are happy. They all deserve so much happiness. But I won't tell them when I need someone. I won't tell them how long I've been hanging on to any thread of happiness I can find. I won't tell them that I feel like falling apart sometimes. I've tried to open up to other friends before. Any I've been ignored and told that I should just be happy. By friends who understand what it's like to just need someone to talk to. I've been called an ass for the way I felt about a situation(i was upset about being thrown out of my comfort zone on my birthday). I've texted a friend that I needed her because I needed to talk to someone. She was fine about coming over until I told her I didn't want her boyfriend to come because I wanted to talk to her alone. Then she ignored me and stayed with him. So I make sure my new friends don't have to deal with that. I make sure my new friends know that I'm here for them anytime they need me I often get called mom or big sister. But I just don't want them to feel like I'm not there for them. Because I know how that feels. So I keep my bad days to myself... well as much as I can. I put on a smile, as fake as it is. I claim I'm tired on days when I just can't fake the smile anymore. I fake homework or the need to study when I have to get out of a social situation because I can't save face any longer. Because I've been told one too many times to just get over something "because it's not that bad!" That they are going through worse. And I get that... but does that automatically mean that nothing gets to me? Guess so. So I'll bury it down. I'll hide it all. I'll be the "happy caring friend" if it means that none of my new ones feel the way I do now.