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We’re standing outside the school’s main doors and everyone’s already left so it’s just us two and it’s chilly and misty outside and he turns to me and he says ‘can you help me wrap this scarf around myself’ so I face him and I take the two ends of the scarf and wrap them around him until there’s nothing left to wrap and I’m thinking about how short and tiny he really is and I feel something I can’t explain deep inside my chest and when I let go of his scarf he smiles and says ‘thanks man’ and I watch him smile and I’m thinking that if it makes him smile like that I’ll wrap his scarf around him a thousand, no a billion times and then we’re just looking at each other and I’m thinking about how his eyes are as dark as charcoal and his skin is as pale as the moon and the rain is getting rougher and I watch him take his hand and pull down the scarf a little and I don’t know why but I grab his hand and I just hold it and he’s staring at me with confused eyes and I step closer to him and I feel a weird heat in my heart despite the rain and I know what I want to do and I know I shouldn’t but I really can’t stop myself so I lean in and I kiss him and his lips feel like everything I’ve ever wanted and more but then he pushes me away and in a short second he brings his fist up and punches me in the face and the impact is so hard that I fall down on the wet concrete and I’m so dumbfounded with everything that just happened that all I can do is stare up at him in silence and he’s really, really angry and he says ‘what the hell was that? what the hell was that!?’ but I don’t know what that was either and when I don’t answer him he turns and walks away and after a while I pick myself up and walk away too and my face hurts but the feeling of having kissed him makes it all feel better and suddenly it all makes sense, the feeling I always had ever since I was a little kid that I was somehow different from everyone else and why I never felt attracted to even the most beautiful girls, I Was Never Anything But Queer.

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  • I went through a lot of different feelings while reading your story .But I think that if he punched you then he's not worth it . he's not worthy of your feelings because these kind of feelings should only be expressed to special people,not jerks .

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