I started enlisting for a lot of studies, social work and stuff, where you have to go somewhere and meet strangers in strange places and do things you've never done before - all that to fight my social anxiety, because I've heard that the best way of getting rid of a phobia is to face what you're afraid of. So far it's not working at all. I feel like it's getting worse. I am currently having a minor anxiety attack because of my appointment, even though I've already been to this place and can't be afraid of not finding the room. I don't know what to do against my anxiety if that doesn't work...
she set my world on fire. Now im going to burn alone in it.
Why did Chester have to die? :C
my boyfriend is away for the rest of summer and I'm afraid I'm going to get quiet and depressed again..it's already starting.
I feel like I don't even have own friend I can actually talk to. I don't to get people involved in my shit anymore because I fuck up too often
everyone always thinks my ideas are stupid and its starting to get to me, its like depression is creeping around the corner....im struggling with faith my....my parents keep pushing and pushing for more........i want to give up....
I don't love my father. And I don't mean that in a "I say I don't love him because he has hurt me but in reality I still feel love because he's family"-way. I mean I really don't love him. If he died now, apart from feeling really sorry for my mother and panicking over our financial situation, I wouldn't feel much more as if an old teacher I hated died. Because, yeah, I think I hate him. I used to love him when I was a kid. He was funny and took care of me well. But he has always been short tempered, sort of passively aggressive and even childish. Which became a problem when I grew older. I remember the point when he stopped reading me bed time stories and playing with me, and I noticed that he didn't do much more than being in a bad mood and sometimes tell funny jokes. One evening, I sort of lost it over a small fight and said "I hate you" (something kids sometimes say to parents - although I was already 12). After that, he ignored me for a few months. And I mean this as I say it. He stopped talking to me. We had to take the same bus in the morning - instead of walking to the bus stop together, he started walking 10 meters in front of me. Like strangers. My mother was noticeably distraught but couldn't do anything. Those few months broke something in me and our relationship. After that, I couldn't love him anymore, and I also think he doesn't love me anymore. We came to good terms again, but it's now more like a relationship between strangers. We talk very reserved, without emotions and only if we have to. Still happily and cheerfully, but the kind of cheerful you do with strangers to be polite. And although I don't care about him as a person, I care a lot that I don't have a father I love. I honestly think it's like having no father at all - just that you're still forced to live with someone who you hate a lot.
I have too much time on my hands and I can't sleep.. i need to stop overthinking again.
I need a good luck charm/kiss.
starting to question weather I'm in love or obsessed