I lost my mom to cancer last Friday
I have been untrue to my girlfriend I do during and meet prostitutes I've been having negative thought of hurting people and suicidal thoughts I feel like I'm losing my way I need forgiveness and a right path
I have attempted suicide 4 times and tomorrow I think will be my fifth
What I don't like about summer is that my self harm scars become visible when I get a tan. Plus they aren't covered by long sleeves anymore. I'm not even afraid of people seeing them; they're more subtle than you'd think and I have a good story to cover it up. But I see them and they're a constant reminder of how unhappy I am, how unhappy I was. And they constantly make me question why I even bothered to stop trying to harm myself.
I hate when my man looks at porn!!! It makes me so angry inside. I tried to watch it with him cuz he asked me to but it made me feel unwanted and I felt depressed instantly. I can’t stand the fact he gets off on other woman. The sad part is I'm hottt AF!! And I’m A1 in the bedroom.. so I just don’t understand.. blonde hair blue eyes flat stomach and nice booty for a white girl. Like you have me so whyyyy do you need to look at porn despite knowing how it makes me feel!! What is wrong with men?? I tried to get into the whole porn thing but I just can’t help the way it makes me feel!!
I know i'm worthless, i can't do anything. I sometimes trying to love myself, but i can't people just keep judging me, makes my confidence down, and i end up with crying by myself. And the hard part is i can't tell anybody about this.
Apparently my neighbor hasn't had hot water for months, since before Easter? It can't be that she hasn't paid her bills bc she's got heating. I feel guilty because I should offer to let her use my bathroom but it's so untidy here and I have no energy to clean. I don't want her to see how I live bc she thinks I'm competent...
I'm starting to seriously not care anymore. It's pointless no one else gives a fuck why should I. Done fighting to be loved done being hurt by people who just don't care
so, todayyyyyyyyyyyy... such a sucks.. I must finish my assignment, and thank goodness I finished it.. but, I get babbling from my mother.. and not only about that, I get offended with this word " u only eat and sleep all dayyyy longgg, what make u busy?" oh hello? l doesn't sleep at night until 4am okayyyyy, u're on ur bed how u know about what I'm doing last night 🤦 I really get offended! and also, I have hamster and they are so cute! but, I doesn't have my time to look at them bcze of my assignment! I don't have many time u know! so, it's about 1week I didn't get them cage clean.. and yeaa .. babbling of course!! I'm so stressful
I've only met one American in my life and he was a self entitled, arrogant piece of shit. Always putting down my country and its culture, talking shit about European metal, saying it was either gay or silly compared to American bands. He also believed with a burning passion that no one in my group of friends knew what good music, films or TV shows were before he came around which is a total lie. He makes money by baiting naive friends of mine to spend money at his shop. Being his friend is expensive. Really what kind of person you have be to live by exploiting people around you? Fuck I'm done writing this confession, I can't let the hate consume me.