My husband cries alot because he lost both his father and mother with a 3 year period. One to illness, the other suicide. He has no other family aside from his trouble making sister who neglects her children and makes extremely questionable decisions. On my end, my family is all alive. But I spent a long time wishing death on them and I'm tired of pretending them being dead wouldn't 100% benefit me in every way. Absolutely horrible people. It's sad that someone with no family really, can understand where I come from on that, because he's witnessed first hand the horrors I'm dealt with from them. And at 24 have already been isolated from them to the best of our abilities (if they'd stop purposely trying to find me and start shit that is.). It's really sad coming from different sides of the fence when neither situation is okay. Life is strange.
I guess I can do no right 😒 got it 👍
Today I woke up beyond depressed. I've cried so hard my eyes are damn near swollen shut. Some will say I deserve it, others will say I don't. I became pregnant by a man I thought I loved. I joked about abortion and he didn't say anything like no or please don't. He made me feel like sh*t for being sick and not being able to cook or clean like I normally do. I told him I was getting an abortion and he had to pay half, he gave me the money with no argument and let me make the appointment. The day before it he left me to be with someone else. I went because I do not want to have a mans baby if he doesn't want it. I take the abortion pill. He comes back the next night doesn't comfort me at all and doesn't care about my pain or tears. The next day I'm not feeling so sick like I have the past few weeks so I try to make dinner. Homemade chicken and shrimp alfredo with bread sticks and salad. He leaves while I'm preparing the meal. I text him hours later "foods done" he doesn't reply for hour and I even tried to wait to have dinner with him...he took my car so I texted again and said next time get picked up if your gonna ignore me. He texts back hours later "I'll be there with your car and to get my sh*t". He comes back hours later, packs everything and leaves me. Oh we already have a couple of kids together too but I guess this time I wasn't good enough. Why would he leave now when he could of left weeks ago? He says he didn't tell me to get the abortion but he also never asked me not to and quickly gave me the money when asked. I'm crying because I have to go through this alone and I regret doing it and I don't understand what made him want to treat me this way. Now I'm on a random app writing this anonymously because I have nobody to tell. Why are people so insensitive and what did I do to deserve this? My life f*cking sucks
is it really that bad to be "fat". every chance of finding love or a partner is turned down only because of a few extra pounds.. other than being fat shamed by your own family and friends... it's not like I'm not trying to lose weight, because I am trying really hard, but recently I'm getting very sick and tired of everything, not just my weight, but everything.. I feel like I will never find love or happiness in my life nothing seems to be working out I just need to know that it will be fine, that everything will be fine 😭
How do I let him go? I fear my general adoration for him is turning into obsession. I promised myself to let him go. Our positions are clear as crystal. He doesn't want to be in a relationship, neither do I personally, and he doesn't feel the same about me as I do him. I've tried to distance myself from him, to let my feelings drift into the unknown. But everytime he texts me, I get so excited and I regress back into step one. I'm continually haunted by distant memories of him kissing me and my hand running through his hair. Someone please tell me how I can get through this.
Sitting in the bathroom at work trying too hold myself together, leterally the verge on bawling but i gotta make that money 😔
Is there a thing like unconsciously self- sabotage? I feel like when I try my best I mess up all the time and I make bad decisions when it matters most. I just feel like I am never good enough.
Nothing feels worse than lashing out at someone you love for something that isn't their fault, and instantly feeling the tidal wave of regret and sorrow for hurting them. I don't mean to do it, I don't want to do it... I don't know how to make it stop.
I have crippling depression, for years ive managed it going to a alternative school and worked really hard while having all these mental health struggles, but this year it completely took over, I stopped going to school, my medications stoped working, I don't do anything but paint. I need help but everyone in my life is just getting frustrated and judging me. Everyone thinks im lazy, even my boyfriend I know he loves me but I can just feel like disappointment coming off of him when my room gets really messy and when I dont go to see my grandparents. I can't take it. I NEED HELP, I NEED NEW MEDICATIONS, I NEED SUPPORT. But no ones doing anything except judging me.
I need to get my shit together but i cant. i javent brushes my teeth in a week I havent been exercising theres moments in thebday I dont feel like shit and am bappy for like 5 mibutes before my mind goes back to the dark place and I feel so fat im never hungry but I eat anyway time feels so fast now what feels like 10 minutes is really an hour and the days blur together I cant tell then apart I think i used to but I can't. I want to skip time to the part where im over my depression and am happy and living my best life but im stuck here and i want to get out but I can't and i dont know how to fix it i need someone to help me but i have nobody I live with 5 other people but I'm so fucking alone. i tried to do my favorite thinf but i cant it doesnt feel good anymore its not making me happy god i want a hug I just want a fucking hug please i want someone to tell me what to do and hug me and tell me its okay and im gonna be fine I want that so bad