I was anorexic and bulimic as a teen, but I somehow never quite fit into it. I would binge food and be okay with it, then avoid it the next few weeks. Now I'm an adult and these toughts have been triggered again. My current boyfriend knows I struggled with food, but not how. He is tall and naturally skinny. Sometimes he has lunch and the next time he eats would be lunch on the next day, because he just wasn't hungry. I think about food 60% of the time and got so angry at myself last night, because I was hungry again while he wasn't. I hate it and I hate myself. Right now I just don't want to eat, but simultaneously I think about all the stuff I could bake or cook and enjoy. I want to stay strong and eat nothing. Show him, how I can be. If I give in and have some food, he couldn't take me seriously right? I couldn't take myself seriously. I would look like a joke in front of both of us.
I keep my nails long and sharp. Not because I think it's pretty or because I like it. I keep them like that so I can punish and hurt myself. Nobody suspects a thing.
im so lonely that i just use stranger chatting apps to meet anyone who will at least a 5 minute conversation with me
People make me feel like a brat for expressing my emotions so I hide them.
I feel like my mom likes to humiliate me in front of my whole family. If she sees that I am sad afterwards, she appologizes but it's a classic "sorry, BUT...". Then she wonders why I am grumpy or sad the whole time. Sometimes I even feel like she looks at me with disgust. Shes a lovibg mother most of the time but then this happens. I know this sounds weird bit I cant explain it. Maybe its all in my head.
I have 3 personalities. Sometimes I feel depressed and worthless, sometimes I wanna harm people and destroy stuff and sometimes I am overly happy. But I cant be truly happy because I feel like I am respponsible for lots of things even tho I'm only 13. idk what to do because I dont want to talk about this to my parents or a therapist.
this is exactly why i choose to build a family out of my friends...family hurts me more than anyone i can count on
governments are using covid to overstep boundaries
my crush is engaged to a big black guy and i am feeling like insecure and demeaned and like im no good. i , like, i dont have a small dick or anything , i just try not to think about it but sometimes i do, can anyone help to feel better , im not like racist i guess. well maybe i am cuz im saying this but whatever, i just feel terrible i want to be happy again and, stuff
im alone and my friend invite me for christimas dinner with his family. i think is just him his brother whos my other friend and their dad. i guess it wont be too awkward but im worried, that its gonna be really awkward. i bought gifts for them but i dont have gift wrapping papers, i put them in paper bags lol with a bow. does anyone know some tips how to act, im really bad at talking to people at times like these