I was held at gunpoint as a kid with my sibling and mom by my step dad who also spent years raping me and letting his friends as well. I have a huge fear of guns I have night terrors of situations where I am being held at gunpoint by men and end up having to use my body as a way to coerce them not to kill me. any time I am near a gun or see one I go into panic feeling like I can't breath in all the way and intense fear. If I go to a friend's house and they have one or even if I see somebody carrying one I automatically think they're going to point it at me and hold me at gunpoint. obviously I know this is an irrational fear that probably stems from everything I went through but my question is how the hell do I get over this fear. I'm sick of feeling like I'm going to hyperventilate or completely freak out everytime... I've considered forcing myself to hold a empty gun in order to get over this fear but every time I actually try and do it I can't...
I've brought loneliness and isolation on myself.
I've been on my antidepressants again for last 3 months for PTSD they help but sometimes I feel like stopping them because I feel guilty for getting better and feeling even a tad bit happier ... survivor's guilt can really mess you up even tho I wanna feel happiness I'm not sure I deserve it
Any advice to a 40 yrs old virgin that suffers from anxiety and depression?
I wish I thought I was atteactive.
Rose is dating her coach who started hitting on her when she was 13 and he was 30... she's still with him to this day engaged.. when i think about it i want to kill myself. if she ever marries and has kids i think i'll do it
So, this will be the first post I've ever written that has a trigger warning. Sickening content that can shatter sanity lies ahead. But please, read on, for it is important that more people will be aware of this: Firstly, most of the people involved are already facing consequences and these acts were commited 2 years ago. I have stayed awake all night, for I went down the rabbit hole of the "Zoosadism-Telegram-Leak" and the group of more-or-less well known furries that took part in acts of cruelty against animals so sickening that they might just be best described as crimes against nature herself. Now it should be known that I do not like animals at all, I even hate them, and that I have grown dulled in regards to gore and violence, yet even I feel sick, disturbed even, from what I have read and seen. It indeed is hard to comprehend to know that there were and likely still are people that gleefully described and documented raping dogs to death, disembowling puppies and desecrating the remains and acts so unspeakable that I do not dare explain it. If anyone want's to look into this path that leads to insanity inducing awareness of inutterable degeneracy, go to the webiste kiwifarms and look for the thread about "Zoosadism".
Sometimes I wish that I wasn't autistic as I don't really fully understand my autism and I often feel out of place especially online.
Today i did my first muay thai practice in like a year, with other ppl that is, i had been training alone at home. i expected to do much better than i did, i sucked really bad, looked silly, didnt dodge as many punches as i thought i could at all and we werent even punching fast. my friends said wow ur good, but im not, i should be much better than this, i got very sad, and then afterwards i was walking home and looking at my ig and i saw Rose was online, i wanted to write her about it but i thought it would be tactless, so i just told her that shes my hero and that shes the best, and she hearted my reply immediately, they i said ''omg hi'' and she saw it but didnt reply or heart it.. then i just said have a good night Rose, and she didnt see that one. i hate this feeling that i dont matter and not care for, i wish she cared for me, i wish she was my friend, i wish she thought well of me and wasnt annoyed like she probably is. so this is what actual despair feels like, i just wish it would stop, i just wish i could fast forward to 10 years when Rose is my friend and we hangout and i tell her about my life and listen to her and she thinks well of me
How do I even start talking to someone about a subject when I feel like they will just dismiss what I say.