I am blumic and I have some digestive problems. I have been vomiting for 2 years, but neither my family, nor my friends know it. I can't get rid of this situation, but I want. Because I know sooner or later it will be a big problem for my healthy. Think, you eat what you want, after an hour you vomit all of them. It is horrible and I know it.
Today its been 2 days since i didnt write to that person at all, no comments dms or anything. i feel a little better.. im ashamed that this is being so hard.. ive been crying a lot today i was on the bus and coming home and got so much tears i was so embarassed someone would see it, also i realized one of the worst things for me has been comparing myself , i know i ruined my life really hard and already got old but i think i was trying my best and i dont want to not be able to be ok with that but also i want to be successful one day too and feel like im in a good place. i feeling like my best is not enough
I wish I had a best friend with whom I can talk 🙁
real shinobi can know about your life and whats in your heart just from watching you fight once. words are low level compared to what shinobi like her can do. thats why i decided i dont want to write to her anymore or talk about her, this is something i just wanted to write for closure, im just gonna do my best and pay attention to life and try to go in the water more to swim cuz im a water person too also yea u are likely to be bullied if ur vulnerable but this is a confession site, it would be really sad to just be preying here on the vulnerability to u can bully someone. thats like being a snake, congratulations i guess
finally im re-united with my bong, i woke up taking hits and am stoned, just had lunch and gonna smoke a phat ass bowl.. its a little dab bong, so its not good for flower, but i broke my beaker bong, i loved it so much and i really miss it, i hope i can get some money soon and buy another one
the girl i wanted to see wasnt at practice today, and my arm hurty from a thing someone did on me, it was rough today, im very sad, does anyone ever feel like breaking down and cry a lot and that u just need a frickin hug and someone to show some care for u
update i smoked the joint and walked alone at night and was not robbed, but it was a lil sketchy. it was good tho i got to think a lot and feel better
Its fascinating how a single event can waiver the most sturdy minds and change the course of action in an instant. There was no deep secret that I have a deep regard for you. I just kept it to myself and let be. But recently I feel the deepest need to relinquish this off my chest. I almost died this week. Lost control of my car going down a hill, fishtailed into a full 360. Naturally I wasn't wearing my seat belt and I tried vainly to avoid going over the guardrail. But I knew it was pointless to try to regain control. So I covered my face, closed my eyes and accepted the high odds of dying. But for once in my short time of driving, Jesus took the wheel and I ended up on the side of the road. I was shook pretty bad. The full realization hit a moment after. I nearly died. Gone over a hill into the depths of below with nobody knowing what happened. My brother, only knowing I was going to a birthday party, and my friend who was expecting me at her house after the party. other than that. nobody. Just gone. A lot of people think after a close avoidance of death they have a sudden new appreciation of life. Well I still don't. I feel worse. Now my car is ruined....again....for the third time. I'm financially ruined, my bills are stacked, my rent is overdue, I can't afford to fix my car. It would've been more fucking merciful to just let me end my story there. Man plans, God laughs. I digress. As I thought, I kept thinking back to you. Despite my survival, I still made the promise to fully let you know. I don't care if you don't respond in kind, I accept that. I'm here to lay bare myself so I can finally find the peace to be free. I love you. I truly do. From the first day I met you in 7th grade I had a deep regard for you. I always got giddy in my stomach when you were around and excited when your name was mentioned. I tried to contain myself, mainly because at that age I was still trying to discover myself. But it cracked and showed a bit. when we reached high school, I calmed down and developed better restraint but I still got antsy when we talked. Shy. uncharacteristically bashful. Then when we hung out a year and a half ago, and we actually kissed, my mind continued to restrain my excitement but damn my body betrayed me. After death rescheduled my inevitable appointment, and that sudden fear took over my false sense of bravado, I need to let this out. To you. Whether I want to or not. Friday is the day I have set. I don't want to lose you as a friend, though I am prepared for that outcome. Growth of the new cannot be down without first the destruction of the old. And I will finally be free from this.
Im embarassed how long it took me to realize how much ur food affects ur whole body but especially ur most important organ, ur brain... when u living on serious insulin spike life style and when ur eating that crazy bad shit like cookies which i was eating everyday and flour products with dye and candy of all kinds ur brain is shit and ur mental health is shit at least mine was maybe its just me then but wow it was bad like i dont wanna feel like a zombie u know, and i was, probably almost becoming diabetic too, and body is breaking down from inflammation since i moved back im eating only whole foods and its been better, last 2 days i binged on shit tho and i feel like shit and my mental health took a dip so bad , im writing here just ranting since this site exists lol like a diary, maybe the writing is good and helps me understand my feelings better and i dont feel like eating shit today
my friend who i was gonna go with to the tournament just was state champion, he says this year there was less ppl and no one trained as much as we did, he said i would have won medal too if i had went and im really frickin depressed bad, im a bum i never competed in anything, i have nothing to show for all the stuff i do and learn, when u have some metal ppl acknowledge u as athlete and ur not bum anymore, he's competing with blue belts btw i would compete with white belts, i roll with him and we go back and forth i want a prize so badly... i feel like why doesnt it work out always? this is 2 years on a row that something so i cant compete in time, and now for the next one i have to fly on plane which is like what if it falls ... but im so tired of being a bum, and having nothing, i have to go there and if i die its ok i guess at least i was trying i cant stand not trying anymore, i just want to be someone cool who does things and goes places, just like someone that i admire a lot