The depression is hitting me hard. My chest physically hurts from the emotional turmoil I'm going through. Fuck mental illness. This shit is ruining my life.
It's just been a really bad week... and it's been so long. I feel like it's been a month since last weekend. I just want things to go back to normal.
I feel like I am different from everyone else. I can't find anyone with the same opinions that I have. I am 20 and I miss how the world used to be a few years ago.I miss the social facebook games why doesn't anyone play them anymore?, I miss when printed magazines were still popular, I miss msn and its fun way to chats, I miss when outings were still simple and fun, not fucking nightclubs or very expensive restaurants, I miss when there were challenges and competitions, I miss social games like spin the bottle and truth or dare,I miss when collecting coins and stamps was still a thing. Why am I the only one in this large world who misses these amazing things, and WHY DO PEOPLE MAKE ME FEEL WEIRD AND JUDGE ME WHEN I TELL THEM I MISS THESE THINGS? I can't fit in in the current way of life where all what people around think about is clubbing,dogs,gym and food. I feel very bored, very lonely and very depressed. am I the only one in this huge world who misses the things above? is there any other person like me?
i just want to be able to smile again..that's all..
I currently hate my work so much that I cry literally every day. I don't know how to make it through the next hour, let alone next few months. The thing is, I'll only be here for the next few months. Then I'll be referred to the workplace I actually want to work at, so it wouldn't make any sense to quit. I already tried everything, I tried negotiating with my boss, tried to talk to my co-workers about the things that are bugging me, but there's no point. Things are as they are. I can't even take my holiday leave or a sick leave during those months, because then I'd risk losing the position. I have to sit through it. Somehow.
My anxiety is killing me right now. All because I went to the bank to make a deposit and I thought some woman was getting ahead of me in line. She was right but the short and rather uncomfortable conversation is enough to make nervous for a few days. I will also not hear heavy metal because it just makes me more anxious, it's like I took a big dose of caffeine.
I'm living in incest. I want to stop but I don't want to stop at the same time. I think I'll end my life.
The past couple weeks every time I wake up, I feel sad that I did. I hoped i didn't
Today, I got caught cheating. Yeah yeah say shit to me I'm a disgrace. I worked and studied so hard on my classes yet I still couldn't remember anything. As much as I don't wanna blame the medication, it is the one causing me to have a memory problems. I'm always tired with it now. It deteriorated my memories. Nothing worked for me, I changed three meds already, went to therapist, been on psych ward for suicidal tendencies. And I cheated for the first time one damn paper exam and got caught. I might be dismissed to a university and my life is ruined forever because of it. The only choice is either I kill myself. I know I have so many things I wanna do yet which are simple and short. Something i never do because I never have time for myself and studying,but after that, i'll kill myself.... I'm almost homeless, I have a physical disability. Like what else do I got in this world?? I can't get any better. Plus, I have no friends and my family doesn't care.. And I was sexually molested, bullied, and abused. I don't trust people and their politics. Who am I to run to.. Honestly, I'm fed up with life so nothing but death. Death does not resolve anything but it ends everything I have been trying to resolve for the whole time of my life. Trying to resolve why I am the person I am. Trying to resolve the issues for cancer. And as selfish as it sounds, I've been living my college life researching about cure methods and I just don't know where to stop and re-start. For 21 years of my life, I got have myself so I'm tired of it.
hrngh. colonel, im trying to sneak around; but im dummy thicc and the clap from my ass cheeks keeps alerting the guards.