My girlfriend leaves me all of a sudden after living together for 3 years, my mother has cervix cancer and her health gets worse every day. The only thing that made me smile in the last 30 days is when I decided I'll kill myself before my birthday (March 11) or even sooner if something happens to my mother.... I never had any friends to talk to and I'll end up completely alone. Always been positive and strong but, I reached my limit.
thinking that my single life is nothing, comes from nothing, dying into nothing, and matters to nothing calms down my thoughts of overwhelming demand of now or never. a healthy lifespan is 70 yrs if you're lucky and happy 90. but in my 20s and my peers around me feel like today is all we got and tomorrow doomed. its so stressful and things just pile up. honestly its draining. but I try to breathe and take baby steps, painful unsure baby steps.
i wont get to compete this weekend... i felt like i was finally taking a step in the direction to have my dreams be a little closer, now i cant. because i got scammed out of some money , i didnt have time to sign up, now all my friends are going. i dont think i want to train this week anymore
It annoys me that i don't feel almost nothing anymore when i masturbate. Lube doesn't work. Same thing with porn. I used to have really good orgasms before taking meds. I'm a guy btw.
I feel old... I just bought replacement parts for my old, full glass hookah from back in the day. I'm not sure if I want to be nostalgic or something, but that pipe was glorious. Sadly, some parts are not produced anymore, so it will never be back in it's former glory, but it will be worth it nonetheless.
i need to find a job, but i want to be able to keep training, what is a job with little hours or that doesnt make u tired too much???? i hate working but i guess theres gonna be no other way :/ no money, my ''friend'' scammed me out of my computer which was my only valuable thing which i was gonna use to sell and pay for more training :/ rn im just so frustrated with that... i just want my money... im not really gonna hangout with this guy anymore after this is over, i just hope i get paid soon enough, i think i gonna miss out on competing, and also might give my family corona viris, cuz without the money i cant rent somewhere and be away from my family... my friend is a narcissist idiot who will suck ur blood dry. i dont want nothing to do with him anymore
after this contract, I'll quit being a nurse..
Im going to tell my friend how I really feel about him. I don't want to but keeping it to myself is hurting me. To experience detachment of the physical, I have to release what holds me.
faked having cancer to an online friend a year ago. I felt so alone at the time bc my sister had cancer so I was always alone my partner wouldn't have contact with me for days. And I honestly was so shitty back then I wish I could take it all back. I really wanna kms. This world doesn't need anymore fuckheads.
I don't trust very many people anymore.