as i grew older, i realize that i'm not attractive enough. having this low self-esteem makes me sad most of the time. but trying to look happy all the time.
Was out walking with my bf today when I passed some other woman from a language class I rarely go to. I noticed her after she'd already seen me. She was looking at me like she was really surprised/ kinda freaked out to see me and I don't know why. I've only met her once in my little language meet up like nearly 2 months ago, she was in my small novice group and I don't remember anything that strange happening. Heck I don't even remember her name and I've only been to this language meet up twice in about a year so I'm confused. Truth be told I'm pretty shy and a little awkward so it's a big deal for me to go and try. This hurt my feelings and confused me.
I have obsessed with my own imagination and I'm living on it by talking to myself. And I think I need to start talking to my therapist about it. (eg. I'm thinking about a scenario and do it in reality)....
I'm sad guys, really, really sad rite now...
between having a boyfriend or girlfriend, I'm more interested in making friends. Because I feel so damn alone. My therapist asked who I can talk about my problems. I said nobody... Like in my opinion, I never wanna make friends just because they're my emotional garbage can. I wanna be friends with them so that I can have someone to call family and go places with. i'm so tired of going out alone.
My period is REALLY bad randomly about two or three times a year. Tonight is one of those nights. I feel like my body is being torn in two, or like something is mauling me and ripping my guts out. I keep clenching my abs so hard trying to stop the pain that my back pops. I've already taken pain meds and I'm laying in bed with a heat pack just writhing and trying not to cry or scream. I can't feel my legs except for the stabbing pain in my knees and ankles. Why does it have to be like this?
I think I’m too nice... maybe I don’t know how to say no to people... or I’m scared of what might happens if I do say no...maybe I’m just a nice person who tries to help as much as I can? But it’s usually to my own detriment... I don’t know how to be less of a pushover.
I think i have anger issues
I don't think I can do college for the time being. My mental state is critical. I wanna take a gap year but my dad won't let me. I'm thinking of running away from home but I'm broke and I don't know where to go.
Everyday my hand goes along my body. My collar bone, my ribs, hips and lastly my thighs. I feel digusted everytime