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Covid-19 is making it so easy for me to hide from the world. I don't go out unless I'm forced to, like an appointment or I ran out of food (after 3 weeks, and being things I can't get on delivery). It's so cold in the house and I want to be out in the sunshine but I'm so lazy, getting dressed or showering is 'too hard' so I stay in bed or on the couch and do nothing. At least with my ED I'm not getting fat. *eyeroll*

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  • doing stuff can be hard but I promise you that it feels better once you've made yourself do it

  • I see you tagged this 'depressed'. I suffer from depression too, so believe me when I say this: showering and getting dressed will help you tremendously. Even if that's the only thing you do all day, it's still SOMETHING, and it will help your mood. I promise.

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desejo que minha mãe morra todo dia pra que haja paz dentro do meu lar.. sei que não é certo, mas é melhor sofrer de saudade do que viver de inferno

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i'd like to be financially independent so I can send my father to hell

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i love beeing humiliated. please tell me humiliating tasks in comments. i will do them.

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i would love to have my nudes on billboards all over my city so people on the street would recognice me.

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I have almost no self-esteem. I look at myself in the mirror and list ten things I hate about myself. sometimes its mentally, other times I'm going off on my physical inadequacies. My girlfriend keeps telling me I'm cute and I keep telling her stop lying. I'm scrawny as fuck, my muscle tone is less than admirable, my hips pop out in odd places, my teeth are fucking tragic, i have an underbite that makes any british pug look like a charmer. My arms are riddled with self-harm induced scars. I'm physically revolted with myself and that's not including what I loath about the mental side of myself. I try to change my body appearance to feel better about myself but I cant keep consistency up enough. Hence why I hate my mental aspects. I dont take care of myself like i should. I average at least 2 or three hours of sleep max before waking for the next day. I'm borderline a workaholic. I keep up with my 2 year old daughter along the bullshit my relationship brings to the table. I'm mentally exhausted. and at this point I'm just rambling.

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  • when I started mybskef destructive behavior like purposely burning my hand on the stove my mum gave me a self help book where i was supposed to write a thing i liked about myself every day I didn't I wrote the word bullshit on the cover and threw it somewhere in my room. I still have problems with my self hate and nothing had changed. that's because i didnt even fucking try to change I just thought that I would be myself forever and that's it. I recently had been praying bot every day and night but when ever I need it I just say the hail Mary until my brainhas calmed down it works every time I always feel a little better after praying and that's my bit of progress. and im 14 you sound like an adult so get your shit together you know your capable of making progress so take a day off and start that day by looking yourself in the mirror and it might be hard but say something that you like about yourself anything I promise it will get better

  • I've been where you are, and let me tell you right now: this needs to stop. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but to be blunt with you, shut the fuck up. For real. Stop saying bad things about yourself. Of course you're going to believe all this bad shit if you constantly say it to yourself. You might be rolling your eyes and thinking I'm an asshole, but it's true, there have been studies done on it; living things that are constantly exposed to verbal negativity are more depressed and aggressive than ones that aren't. Looking in the mirror and intentionally finding things you hate about yourself is fucking moronic, I have never heard something so stupid in my life. You should be doing the opposite. Find at least one thing you like every day. Just one. And your girlfriend? Don't tell her she's a fucking liar if she compliments you. How do you think that makes her feel? If she didn't find you somewhat attractive, she wouldn't be dating you. End of story. People don't date ugly people. And if you keep lashing out at her every time she compliments you, she isn't going to want to be around you anymore and she WILL leave. People can only take so much. Don't push her away just because your head is so far up your own ass that you refuse to let anyone show you kindness. Listen. I used to be fat, mmkay? Not like those Starbucks drinkin ass bitches who wear a size small t-shirt but say 'omg I'm so fat' No. I had to shop for plus size clothes from the age of 10 to the age of 20. I was nearly 200 pounds at 16 years old, kids bullied me for it. My thighs were covered in ugly purple stretch marks scattered among various thin white scars and red lines. Even when I made myself get rid of every sharp object I owned, I still hurt myself by showering with the water so hot I got burns, laying in the snow with no sleeves until I couldn't feel my arms, throwing myself against brick walls just hoping I'd break bones. I'm not telling you this because I want your sympathy, I'm telling you this because I know what it's like to hate yourself. I know what it's like to be so disgusted with your own existence that you'd rather choke to death on a rusty spatula than be forced to see yourself in the mirror. I used to tell my exes the same things you tell your girlfriend. I used to work myself half to death just so I could feel like I was doing something, like my existence meant something if I was useful. I know what it's like to be so exhausted that sometimes you just cry in bed because you're too tired to sleep. I understand. But the fact is that things won't change if you don't make them. Okay? No one can fix this for you. Only you can fix it. But people can help. A therapist can help (and I do recommend therapy because you are very far gone). You can live happier than this. It'll take time, and it'll take work, but it doesn't have to be this way. If you keep going down the road you're on, your daughter won't have you around for long.

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Whenever I told people that I'm not feeling good mentally I got bad responses. I told my mom that I'm suicidal when I was 13 and she did nothing. I told my husband that I have depression and since the day I told him he has never once asked about it again. I told my therapist how I feel and they told me to go see another therapist because they're not specialized on depression (I was there for a behavioural thing), but then never asked again if I actually went. I know that the world doesn't revolve around me, but I think that at least the people who love me or care for me should be a little more interested in the fact that I am deadly ill.

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  • Most people don't understand how bad depression really is. And sometimes they also don't know how to help, so they just avoid talking about it. Your therapist isn't qualified to deal with depression, so it's good that they didn't try to work through that with you. Should they have followed up? Maybe, but did you ever find another therapist? Maybe you should look for a cognitive behavioral therapist who specializes in depression instead of seeing one who doesn't seem to be very invested in your health and safety.

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I have an unhealthy obsession with someone and checking their social media several times a day makes it impossible to get over it. But I can't stop myself from doing that. It's an addiction. I've never been good at losing an addiction. I'm honestly afraid that I will be this miserable forever because I won't ever manage to stop checking on them.

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  • i feel the same about Rose

  • You've got to replace them with something else. I also encourage you to just block them entirely.

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I always cried myself to sleep .... I'm already tired

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I just wanna share this story, it's about my dad ...he is abusive, ha has anger issue ... he's a cheater .... he's always flirting with different women ..and when my mom caught him he'll hurt her .... he'll beat my mom ... he's hurting everyone in our house ...and it get even worst when he's drunk ... he'll stole money from my mom ... he'll beat us ... he's destroying things in our house including our family ...i really hate my dad ...but I'm still hoping that maybe he'll become a better person ...or if not ...I hope that one they he'll go away .... he's our Father ...he should be protecting us, he should be caring for us but instead he's destroying our family

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  • talk to someone

  • He won't get better. They never do. You need to get out of there while you can.

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