peoples' first impression of me is usually that im very confident and living a happy life. i've kept on that act for a while now and i cant keep it up without coming clean in one way or another. in the past i've been told i think too little of myself, i've been left by friends because of my mental health struggles, and i've caused a lot of problems due to my actual personality. the truth is, im very insecure and im acting like im flawless because i dont want anyone to know i secretly hate myself.
Hola Bn voy a desahogarme aquí ya que en otro sitio no puedo. Lo primero tengo 13 años y lo segundo si piensas em decirme te lo mereces o algo parecido ahorratelo. Empiezo, yo estaba en el baño lavandome los dientes y mi hermana entra y me dice que saliera, le contesto q no q se fuera a otro baño. Tiene 18 años y va a cumplir 19. Termino y cogí un tarro de aceite para hecharmelo en los labios para no tener heridas. De repente me agarra del pelo me arrastra por el suelo y me da puñetazos en la cara y por todo el cuerpo, cinco minutos después segía pegandome y yo me intentaba defender. Mi madre viene e intenta q me suelte el pelo pero se va. Estaba chillando de dolor y mi padre viene para ayudarme. Mi hermana me suelta y se hace la victima pero mi padre ya le había visto. Me voy a su cuarto y me pega da puñetazis de nuevo. Vuelvo al salón porque me lo dice mi padre y se va a la cocina para hablar con mi madre. Yo estaba en el salón viendo videos y todos menos mi padre me echaban la culpasiendo que yo no hice nada. Voy a la cocina para beber agua y se estaban riendo de mi y le dije a mi madre que era una mala madre y que muchas gracias por no ayudarme. Me comienza a llamar loca q todo a sido mi culpa y mierdas varias, mi padre le dice q no fue mi culpa y mi madre le dice como tu digas. Ahora está mi hermana con el móvil trankila yo llorando con heridas y mi madre hechandome la culpa y enfadada porque en este trimestre me caían 2 asignaturas pero es porque estoy siempre haciendo tareas de casa. Ns como voy a ir mañana al intituto porque tengo heridas y fiebre por llorar. De mayor no quiero ser como ellas y voy a estudiar mejor para sacar buenas notas y tener dinero. Como se que cuando tenga dinero me pedirá por mantenerme pero le responderé q no fue mi elección nacer y que si por mi fuero no estaría viva pero quiero tener un futuro hijos a los que por cierto no conecerá. Muchas gracias por prestarme atención y os quiero.
idk if my husband is the person I want to be with forever
when i crashed my bike i was so lonely that i was alone for 5 days in the hospital before anyone came. the hospitals here are bad the people forgot me for 3 days i guess i was too depressed to talk then a physiotherapist shows up and i get up from bed and it stinks badly and i realize its my old blood in the bed and start crying, then the physiotherapist lady tells the nurses to change me, i think she even gave me a hug but dont remember. it was just before my 19th birthday. after that they put screws all the way into my bones and structure around those screws and i have it for 8 months, i didnt want to leave my house or anything so i just stayed in my room. i learned to shower and go up stairs and do my own bandages really fast, my mom couldnt do it so i had to learn, i had a huge hole in my leg and i had to put medicine all the way inside of it, i never had a friend over i didnt know anyone to have. one time there was people over who i didnt knew, my dad is stupid or evil, he makes these strangers go into my room to look at my leg, and lifts my blankets and makes these younger kids stare and some strange man. i dont really talk to my dad, he makes me touch his hands every morning otherwise he throws a fit.
I have a hard time in regards to my mental health. A while ago, i got a diagnosis that did not seem to be fitting to my actual problems. The thing is that I do not exhibit - in my opinion - the symptoms that would make this diagnosis fitting. I was supposed to take strong meds back then, I quickly stopped as they only made me feel worse. At this point, I struggle enough with myself that it becomes obvious to me and everyone else that I would be better off with some professional help. Again, the reasons for that do not really entail what I was diagnosed for. I'm terribly uncertain how I should proceed now. In my childhood, I made some really good experiences with psychotherapy, and I would really like to talk to a professional once again. But on the other hand, I do not wish to take any meds and I believe psychotropic drugs are given out far too excessively.
Some days I really fucking hate this job. It's so hard to hold a job being neurodivergent and dyslexic. Not because I can't do the work and get fired- I'm actually a very hard worker and always get compliments on how helpful I am- but because it's just so mentally hard on me. I have difficulty keeping track of time and correctly reading/remembering words and numbers, so sometimes I mess up what time I'm supposed to come in or clock in from break. Sometimes I forget what days I'm supposed to work, even though I write all my shifts on my calendar, because I just can never remember what day it is. On top of that, it's a customer service job, and I'm an introvert with social anxiety. Having to constantly interact with people who are usually already annoyed or just generally entitled really takes a toll on me. I get exhausted and burn out after 4 hours, and it's really hard to get through the rest of my shift when I work 5, 6, 8 hours at a time. I really do try my fucking best but it still isn't good enough for this place. And the more they yell at me, the more anxious I am about coming in to work at all. I want to work somewhere else, but I don't really have any other options... The stress has triggered my insomnia again. I haven't slept decently in a month. And being this exhausted only makes work harder. I'm forgetting things more. Today I even left my morning cup of coffee at my house, so I have nothing to get me going. I feel so pathetic for just wanting to fucking cry, but there's nothing else I can do.
I won't write all the details but my boyfriend got scammed by a car dealer (Europe). I have so much anger and depression in my body, I would like to pull my hair out or die. He is an honest and intelligent person who has spent months of his life doing a humble job to pay for his car. In the best of the options he has to pay another 1,500 (which we'll give along with a lawyer this time). My parents says that even if he's a bona fide buyer he could lose a years long lawsuit. I would like to roast these crooks over the fire, smash their shop, hurt them. I suffer and can no longer sleep. I'm depressed.
this girl that i like she, ive been looking at what she follows on ig and stuff and she always follows buff black guys, and she gets hit on by black guys and flirting-ish back , even tho shes engaged. idk if its racist or smth but i just feel some type of inedequate or insecure or smth, but its also makes me feel hot in a weird way (im white). i wonder if she thinks about stuff like that? shes so white and the whole world always talks about racism im sure shes like , aware of what it looks like. i would never talk about ths to anyone ever like a therapist or smth, its way too embarassing idk
i havent written here in a while, i got recommended the song stan by eminem, i scrolled down and read this comment and then couldn't stop crying ''I actually find this song very deppresing. Specially the chorus, the line "but you picture in my wall, it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad". Sometimes lonely and deppressed people will latch onto whatever brings them solace and develop very unhealthy obsessions. It's very sad.''
I'm tired of being horny. I wish there was something more than being horny. :(