I just want to sleep next to someone on this twilight cold weather.. i never realized how much that kind of feeling meant to me a lot. I spent my whole life alone and occupied with my work and research. Most of my life I live to study reality yet I cant live in reality. Im stuck in the lab then i go home alone. Heck i dont have close friends to talk to. Just colleagues about work. Sometimes they invite me for a drinking night but its still makes me feel empty though. Its so weird im already 24 years old. i never expect much but a real friend i never have. And now someone to be with which is harder to come by. I never dated men since 8 years ago when i was completely different person
Why do guys like to go to strip clubs? My boyfriend as been talking about going to one and I'm feeling self conscious. I've already expressed how I would feel about it.
Overthinking kills the happiness of the person. I feel empty inside. Its sucks that i shouldnt be hurting but i want to feel the pain rather than being empty. Like my heart is really familiar of pain. I just want to cry right now i want to be sad because being empty is worse. Im waiting for tomorrow, I think there will be a bad news or what, so i can feel the pain. Im hoping that I can win the battle that im into. Because no one will save me from this only myself. Is it funny that im typing this after watching a happy ending kdrama? I should be happy right? You cant really guess when will this emptiness will occur in your life. And is it weird that my happiness now is being sad or being in pain? I want to message some of my friends to let out my feelings but so scared and im shy too. I think im such a nuisance to them. They are living a happy life and who I am to share my not so important feelings right? Im not worth of attention. My problem is mine and I shouldnt be sharing it to others.
I’m not an alcoholic. I talk to my man about his drinking all the time. But when I feel very alone which is often I drink and smoke until I fall asleep. otherwise I get panic attacks.
Sometimes i think about it, maybe i feel down all the time because Im obssessed with thinking sad stuff. Self pity, anger, vengeance etc. Maybe im addicted to it and why i never get out of this depressing cycle. Or at least i hope it is like that. And i feel like Im addicted to it because it makes me feel something because not being sad makes me feel empty. Being happy is exhausting so i turn to sadness. Sadness makes me sleepy but waking up from it, i get to see its that one making me more sleepy after all but then i still think it makes me better but i feel like sadness just kills me. So maybe its an addiction. But like an addiction, how do you break an addiction????
I don't know what brought it on, but my depression has suddenly come back full force after lying dormant for so long... I feel awful. I feel so alone and unwanted. All these terrible whispers keep intruding into my mind, telling me I'm worthless and everyone would be better off with me dead. I hate feeling this way. I know it's not true. ...Right?
I've reached in my sessions with my psychologist an impass. There's problems I have that can't be solved word's but with actions. I'm just too scared of life that I can't push through the difficulties I encounter and don't even try. I've become a extremely lazy man because of this.
I've had days lately where I wish I could just call out from work for the day. It's just, I hate my job some days. I hate the pressure. I hate being yelled at by mean customers. The anxiety and depression is getting to me. I'm having one of those days now. But I can't afford to lose hours on my check. I just want to cry and not get ready for work. My supervisor doesn't know I have issues with anxiety and depression so I'd have to tell her if I call out.
It was so difficult for me to find out that my biological father who raped my mom looks like me. Everytime i view the mirror I just hated myself... I cant bear to forgive him when I met him. Now I cant bear to see myself in the mirror.
My boyfriend and I had a pretty bad fight lately. In his rage, he said "well maybe you should just kill yourself then". He obviously said it without thinking about what he was saying, and later he even made fun of himself for saying it because he thought it was so stupid. What he doesn't know, however, is that I can't laugh about it. I used to be suicidal (what he doesn't know) and still have depression (which he also doesn't know) and sometimes get "bad thoughts" again. This happened some days ago, but it still makes me feel cold. Unintentional or not, hearing something like this from a loved one hurts massively.