help.. i need someone to save me..
I need an advice from strangers. My fiancee has been acting a bit rude towards me lately for no reason even if there was a reason i keep asking if there's one but he ignores me. I always run behind him like a dog even if it was his mistake and I'm tired of that. if i never start talking he'll never talk at all. It's me who always tries to keep the relationship stable he never does anything. I know you'll ask why I'm still with him, well obviously i love him but now that i think about it i don't think I'll be able to live with that. I always change the things that he doesn't like i always do whatever he wants, but he has this big wall of pride or i don't know how to say it like he'll never apologise to anyone becuase of his pride and this keeps me in fear of losing him and keeps me question if it's something wrong with me ! I can't deal with this anymore. So my question is, is there a way to fix this relationship or is it a dead end? should i just wait for things to change? or it'll never change?.
Hey everyone. Been wanting to write here for a while but it's hard to keep it short and something always gotta come up.. And I can't save my writing here so anyway.. Hope I don't get interrupted. So for a while now I've been feeling on edge. Me and my man and toddler are in the process of moving. We currently co habit with my mom because she needed help but she's with someone now and we really need to leave. It's been a hell of a journey with her, and we weren't even suppose to be living together this long because we just don't get along. We're so different that I often times wonder if maybe I was switched at birth. It's caused me to be this depressed soul who wishes I could just disappear from this world. Her current partner owns a house and is going to let us rent it. These 2 people are really shady but the market is so tough in our area and I can't be waiting another year because I can already feel my Mental health deteriorating.. Like the latest I can be here is till September. I remain hopeful that everything is legit and works out besides, God knows I deserve this since I've put up with so much shit my whole life. But that's just one thing .... Once I started feeling like things were going to finally look up, we're added with more fucking headaches. So last year we had my partners brother, gf and toddler live with us. It was so fuckin toxic. Those 2 had the most volatile relationship, the toddler would scream whenever she wasn't with her mom, we couldn't even go out with them cuz they'd always start drama and not to mention.. The 2 were entitled as fuck. Towards the end, the chick kept complaining about noise and saying her daughter couldn't sleep.. Which is bullshit. And what pissed me off is that this girl had family in another state who could've helped her but she wanted to be with her man who treated her like crap while inconveniencing people who already had their own problems. Okay well the universe heard my prayers and she went to Massachusetts and she's good now. No longer in my life. Fast forward to a year later and it's like I'm living the same hell all over. So my partners other brother came to NY and just recently, HIS Gf and 5 month old daughter came. The plan with that was she was gonna stay in an Airbnb for a week in our area then go to the city to stay with her grandma. Okay cool, I was with that. Until these fucking idiots change their mind and god knows what happened , supposedly the grandmas fridge broke and she couldn't stay there. They wanted to stay here but we already have my mom and partner living here too and we just couldn't. My mans brother lives in a room.. So the girls been in a shelter for the past week. She was coming to my house every single day, early, and leaving until she had to be back at the shelter. It was overwhelming because I'm a loner who takes care of my toddler 24/7 since my man works 2 jobs. I need my space , and I can't be helping and caring for an adult .. I just can't. And all these mfers have such restless energy. They can't just sit at home and chill.. They gotta be doing something and I hate the pressure. I'm really depressed , and until I get out of this house and distance myself from my toxic family and my mans toxic family, I won't be happy. My mans family and mine are like the complete opposites of the garbage spectrum. His family is ghetto and entitled , my family is judgmental and stuck up. Just the other day, we did a BBQ for my mans birthday. I actually enjoyed myself because we had our good friends there .. Who I spent the whole time with. I was drinking and wasn't paying attention to anyone else. The party went well, my man enjoyed himself, no one had problems, cops weren't called .. It went smooth in my opinion. Well the next morning my mom barges into my room and starts talking an endless amount of shit. How my mans family is trash, they're jealous of her accomplishments, she wishes I would get away from them, I mean just real hateful and judgmental shit. Don't get me wrong, I don't fuck wit his family, they're not my Types but I wouldnt say half the crap she was saying.. I mean judging them based on superficial shit like how they dress. Then she proceeded to talk shit about our friend who has blue hair and covered in tattoos .. She got "gang member vibes" from him.. When she couldn't be more wrong. That guy doesn't even raise his voice at anyone lmao. I mean I'm so fucking disgusted ... That words don't do justice as to just how disgusted I'm feeling about all of this .. Like me and my man are such cool people.. People really like our vibe and we have such trash as family. I'm slowly and shortly getting rid of mine cuz my moms Man seems to be trying to get my mom against her family members which is fine by me. But now my mans family is trying to cling to us and since we're about to move into a house that has available rooms, my biggest fear is for these assholes to move in with us. My man has no fucking backbone when it comes to his family cuz he feels like he owes them something , when he doesn't. They haven't done SHIT for him. His friends, strangers have done more than they ever have. And they're so fucking entitled .. They think NY is just like Puerto Rico. Always talking about "ugh I'm bored"... But do y'all have money to be doing things everyday?? This ain't Puerto Rico where you can just chill outside with your neighbors or hang out at the beach for free. People here go out, or stay home. I've been through too much, emotionally, these past few years all while raising a small child on my own, which is hard because I have to be emotionally and mentally well to be able to be an affective parent. And that's all I want is to be good for my girl and be the mother she deserves but with these mfers stressing me out everyday, it's sooo hard. And my mom and her man are so judgmental it's disgusting, cuz I know the same judgments they cast on others, they do to me too. Talking shit cuz I was drinking beer and enjoying myself, socializing wit my friends who I don't see often. They criticize people's weights, the food they eat, what they wear .... It's disgusting. I'm sure my Mans family judges too.. They probably Think I'm a slut cuz I'm friends with my Mans friends even though I knew them before my man.. We're all friends. I wasn't talking to any of them at the BBQ .. And I don't care. I don't care what any of them think of me, and I don't want any kind of relationship with any of them. My mom has helped me even though she's super toxic so I'll forever be grateful for what she's done, but we keeping our distance. As for my mans family, they haven't done a single thing for me, so I don't owe them a thing. They just want to be catered to and it ain't happening cuz I'm too depressed to be catering to anyone that's not my Daughter or man. I just want to enjoy my Little family, that's literally all I want .. And it's like I'm asking for too much cuz I don't know if these mfers are going to smuggle Their way into our new home. Like I just want to be happy, I've been depressed my whole life and I'm slowly starting to get on my path of happiness but it's like I keep facing headache after headache and it's so hard not to get discouraged. But All of this is making me very fierce since I've always been a soft and timid person. I'm gaining my power back and I'm coming with a vengeance . Anyone that stands in the way of my happiness will be met with a troubling fate ... I'm not playing anymore ... Fuck that. My daughter deserves the best from me and stupid mfers aren't going to take that away from me. Games are done . So I hope the universe protects them Cuz Imma have no mercy. I'm so done. So done with my considerate ways, when considerate people always finish last, and I know my worth and I deserve first place. Thanks to all who made it to the end. Any advice is appreciated. Much peace and love to all✌🏼️
Due to the fact that I'm of low-selfesteem and my attempts to improve that having failed miserably, for today, somehow subconciously, I stopped giving a damn about these matters.
In the last 24 hours ive had 16 tablets of panodol...
I am a wreck. But would i want it any other way? i dont think so.
I am bipolar. I just can't take this anymore
The only reason I am still alife is my fear of death.
I hate when people start arguments about anything related to rape or sexual assault or just taking advantage of people. I get really heated about it because, as someone who was taken advantage of and sexually assaulted, I have very strong opinions. And I've come to realize that people who haven't been in those situations just... don't understand. Like for example, people don't get that someone can take advantage of a willing participant. A group chat was arguing with me that celebrities who sleep with their fans aren't doing anything wrong as long as everyone is over 18 because the fans want it. But I argued that they're using their status and taking advantage of the fans' adoration to just use them like a sex toy before tossing them aside and moving on, and it's disgusting behavior. Now I just can't stop thinking of my personal experience and I'm so angry that people are okay with that kind of thing, and my mood is ruined. It's just so upsetting.
I thought I would not have to use confesster again but I need to talk about something. My brother sexually assaulted me a few years ago and since then I've been goingback and forth from "fine i'm over it" to "oh wait no i'm not okay at all". Tonight is one of the not okay moments. My current boyfriend and a couple friends know about this, but I don't want to talk to them about this totally out of the blue, they would not understand why I would bring that up for no apparent reason. The fact is that there is no actual reason, some nights I just can't help but think about it again and again and re-live the moment and feel so stuck but I can't stop. It's been more than two years and I'm still not fine. I'm beginning to think that if I stopped hiding it from everyone it would help me, because I feel like I'm protecting him while he's the one who has destroyed me. But the major problem is that if I talk about this, my parents would end up at least as sad as I am, my family would be totally ruined and broken down. I know it would be his fault and not mine, but the results for everyone else but me would be awful. I guess I don't want to do it but I wish I could. Please help.