so when i was in highschool i thought it would be funny to hit on a new cute school janitor. The first time we thought it was funny and he told me he was happily married with children. The second time i did it cause i thought it was going to be funny again and he told me to stay in my lane...and told on of my teachers and she had to have a discussion with me. He thought i had feeling for him which I'd would understand if i was in his shoes. I still remember it and it haunts me today:(
FUCK YOU!!! YOU WANT TO BLAME IT ALL ON ME ? GO AHEAD BLAME ME I CAN TAKE IT. REFUSE TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT YOU TELL YOURSELF. I CAN HANDLE THAT. MAKE SURE YOU RUB SALT IN MY WOUNDS EVERY CHANCE YOU GET, I LIKE THE PAIN.... IT LETS ME KNOW IM ALIVE. TAKE. EVERY WORD I SAY AND BEND IT TO FIT YOUR TWISTED PERSPECTIVE THAT I NEVER CARED , ONLY TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU ABUSED YOU AND BETRAYED YOU... I KNOW WHAT MY FEELINGS AND INTENTIONS WERE. BUT AFTER YOU HAVE LAYED YOUR DREAM TO REST AND MOVED ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND NEW GUY THAT YOU DONT LOVE OR WANT OR WHATEVER BECAUSE LIKE YOU SAID HE'S NOT ME....DONT FOR ONE SECOND THINK THAT THE MISERY YOU STILL FEEL IS ANYONES FAULT BUT YOUR OWN. I HAVE SAID AND DONE EVERYTHING I CAN TO GET YOU TO SEE BEYOND WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS REAL. I CANT FIGHT TO SAVE US IF IM THE ONLY ONE THAT WANTS US SAVED. GOODBYE MY LOVE MY TIME ON THIS PLANET IS COMING TO AN END TELL MY SON I LOVE HIM AND IM SORRY. GOODBYE CAROLYN IM SORRY BUT THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I WILL EVER FIND PEACE
Everytime I go home to my house, I get so nervous because I'm notbsure what is it again that my mom will tell me. Sometimes out of the bkue, she'll tell me I shouldn't be this or that and makes me feel bad and guilty of everything I do. And it's why I never wanna go home and just stay at my boyfriend's house. I just wanna leave my house, I wanna save up money, graduate college, and work. I tell to my therapist and she thinks I'm crazy. But she doesn't understand how clingy my mother is. Looks into my personal stuff, opens my mail, asks me to video tape the house of my boyfriend to see what it looks like, asks for the address, ask me every detail of the things I did. The privacy I need was always taken away from me. I don't know what to say anymore. I feel like everything I say is my fault. Whatever. And tbh not to sound selfish, if I havent had a safe place (my boyfriend's house), Id probably kill myself because i can't escape from her.
There was something about you that made me smile. You were so dangerous and so hot-headed. Yet so sweet and compassionate. The way you were and how you treated me was intoxicating. I loved it. Ioved you. So angry but also so vulnerable. you were like fire. How you blazed and destroyed what was in your path. But beautiful to look at. How subtle and graceful you could be. The problem with fire however is it burns everything. And I was too foolish and blinded by your furious light to see how burned I became.
the spiders coming side by side 2 by 2 and 9 by 9
I wish things were back to normal. The good old days....back where I didn't met her.
to completely love myself and not constantly compare myself to anyone else is personally one of the most hardest things i have to deal with. which kind of sounds tone deaf and 1st world but i've come to realise that its alot harder than just being said
should you revaluate your whole friendship with someone when all you feel like is competing with them 24/7? who gets more likes, followers, friends, who's prettier, skinnier etc. When all you feel like is keeping tabs/scores and one upping them in every single fucking thing they do. I've been doing this to an extreme that if something goes wrong (like them getting close to my friends) i completely fall apart and have a mental breakdown thinking im ugly, useless, worthless.. I know this isn't normal; i need to improve my mental health and just get better in general but i don't know if keeping this friendship would help me heal in the process or if it would be faster and quicker if i just let go and focus on me.
I feel like my life is a video game. Every level just gets harder and harder each time. I want to rage quit, I dont think I'll make it through the rest. Things in life just get more complicated.
I love a girl who is engaged and she's like, a celebrity in a way, and there's thousands of people who love her, and i hate feeling this because obviously i won't be with her, but it won't go away i just love her so much. actually she's like my hero and my role model, i learn a lot with her and she give me confidence because she's a bit like me. yeah i think about her a lot and i don't want to anymore. i wish i never seen her