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I had a dream last night that I tried some heavy drugs and then tried to look for and murder my friend with a knife. She was hiding from me. I found her, but I thought about it and decided against it, feeling monstrous and leaving her. I then ran into my boss from work, and some employees from the company who I'm contracting, still obviously fucked up on drugs. I felt like my life fell apart, and that I became less than human.

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  • I once got drugged w/ a molly and i felt less human then too. really weird.

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There are many debates going on.... One of the biggest is : is drug addiction a disease? A lot of people have so much sympathy for drug users and say it's a disease when people tell them they knew the consequences when they tried it. These defenders even compare it to diabetes. But the funny thing is they don't have the same sympathy for those of us who suffer from depression and have chosen to not numb our emotions and just feel it all.. While letting the emotions kill us slowly. We're told to get over it or do something to distract us from our pain. And when one of us can't take it anymore and we commit suicide, they are met with such back lash and called selfish .. I mean no sympathy at all.. But someone overdoses and it's "oh poor thing had a disease". Fuck any of you who have sympathy for people who are too pussy to face their demons/emotions and numb them, and rag on poor people who are so overcome with sadness that even getting out of bed is a struggle. Depression is a real thing. If we had more understanding from those around us, it would help. Keep coddling drug abusers and guess what? More people will be doing drugs. I didn't ask to have crippling depression. I force myself to be happy but deep down its just a facade. Y'all hooked on drugs asked for it. You went out of your way to do it. So y'all who defend drug users with your life while shitting on depressed people are useless. Go befriend a drug addict and don't cry when they steal all your shit and sell it for drugs ✌🏼️✌🏼

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  • Addiction is very much a mental disorder, as some people are more prone to it than others and addictive tendencies can even be genetic. I suffer from depression and anxiety, but I also come from a family with addictive tendencies and several people who struggled with drug addiction and alcoholism, and honestly... I don't appreciate your hypocrisy. You make a valid point of saying mental illness should be treated more seriously and compassionately, but then you're shooting down people with a different mental issue and basically saying they deserve what happened to them? You say people should feel bad for those who couldn't handle their pain and committed suicide, but you say 'fuck you' to those who couldn't handle their pain and turned to drugs or alcohol looking for an escape. Suicide is just as much of a choice as doing drugs/drinking. You also don't seem to realize that most drug addicts and alcoholics have underlying mental issues- PTSD, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, etc. Now I know this isn't 100% of the cases. I'm not saying all addicts are good people with bad problems. Sometimes addicts are just shit people who do drugs because they like it. But you need to take a step back and look at how you treat/talk about other people before you complain about how they treat/talk about you.

  • A lot of times it goes hand in hand, i wouldnt drink so much if it werent for my manic depression and suicidal thoughts. Mental illness, as well as tendency to addiction (which is a mental illness most of the time as well), can both be inheritable. Just like diabetes, is the point im trying to make. You are also putting two different kinds of debaters in the same category. folks who have sympathy for drug abusers have sympathy for mental diseases as well most of the time. And vice versa, people who say mental illness isn‘t real also think people who take drugs are doing it because they want to. Of course there are people who take drugs because they are bored or because they want to appear cool, but so do people who are faking mental illness just to get attention. Just like you, probably, because your hypocrisy is blatantly obvious. Both sides deserve help if needed. Saying one or the other doesnt is stupid. Also just befriending someone is not help in any way. But it subtly gives me the vibe that you could use some friends.

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my mother told me "no one care listen to me,when i speak" sometimes i think she is right...

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  • This is when people online makes you wonder if they typed what they meant. OP, you're making it sound like no one cares when YOUR MOM SPEAKS.

  • She's wrong to do that to you

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I have no regrets in being an under achiever and having my life to a complete stand still since I left school. No job, no gf, very few friends. I don't feel bad, is that weird?

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  • Thats just another approach of living life minimalistic. did the same, feels great.

  • Not if that's what you want, I guess.

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My therapist says that my mother is a big hindrance to my life. She's over protective to me and that's why my life is how it is: 37 yrs old and no job, money, friends or gf. Because I've never exposed myself to life's challenges I have extreme fear and anxiety to take risks, any risks at all to try to improve my life. And it's I feel like an overgrown 16 yrs old boy. I don't know what to do to overcome this situation. Getting my shit together is like climbing the Everest.

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  • Cuz maybe her acting helpless makes you feel like you can't leave. Does she encourage you to live your life?

  • Cuz maybe her acting helpless makes you feel like you can't leave. Does she encourage you to live your life?

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I've passed on so many chances to fuck a lot of women because of my anxiety and fear...

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  • Maybe you should stop looking at women as something to fuck and start looking at them as friends and partners who can be there to support you through your trials and tribulations. Just a thought.

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I'm having incestuous thoughts about my siblings again. Damn me! It's so gross. I don't want anything like that for real.

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  • Sounds like intrusive thoughts. They don't mean anything but if they bother you seek help for them.

  • There's a difference between sometimes having weird thoughts and really having a problem. If it doesn't affect your relationship with your siblings, it's fine. But if it does then I agree that you should see therapist to sort it out.

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I flick the bean about five times a day. How shameful.

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  • rookie numbers!

  • That bean must look like a well worn speed bag by now!

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When my friend who I hadnt seen in a year committed suicide, I blamed myself. I still do. I have saved so many of my friends from the same fate, I dont know why I couldnt have just saved him too. I stopped talking to him, somwthing I regret. He started as a friend of my boyfriend, my boyfriend did some stuff and I left. I didnt want to make things awkward so I cut ties. Its my fault he is dead. When I first learned he died I told my mom and she said sorry for your loss before getting mad at me for not emptying dishwasher. I yelled back and her response is the thing that has hurt me the most. "You'd think after his death you would treat the people you love better" When I talked about this with my therapist I accidently told my mom how much this hurt and she gor mad at me again. She apologised but I feel it was only to make me shut up about it. Shes right afterall it is my fault. But it still hurts.

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  • It's not your fault. It is no one's fault but his. He chose to end his life. It is not your job to save everyone.

  • It is NOT your fault!

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My baby boy died inside me, strangled by his umbilical cord. He was due December 16th, and even though I'm not suicidal anymore, I can't bring myself to eat or take care of myself. I want my family to have a good Christmas, but I want no part of it. I wish everyone else could experience it joyfully, but I want to tune it out to survive. Even though I don't want to kill myself anymore, the pain feels like it will kill me anyway.

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  • That is painful to read. I am so sorry that the best I could be is to be sorry about it. Grief is natural, don't give up. Survive through this.

  • Hang in there, you can get through this. I'm glad you want to survive because you're important. Sending virtual hugs to you if you want them.

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