nothing has made me feel better in the past few months than going back to bulimia
I haven't done laundry all year.
Last year was rough for me because I lost all my friends and had never been close to my family so I felt I had nobody and depression was hitting it's hardest,and this boy I met o a trip a couple years back popped up in my life again,we started talking a lot and I kind of liked him because I've always felt ugly and never thought someone could look at me for more than a friendship.He asked me out and I said yes,we went on a date and everything was good but I clarified to him that I am demisexual and didn't want to "rush" things to put it in a way.Next time he insisted to come watch a movie in my house and after some discussion I accepted,I never seemed to been able to say no to him,I felt a connection,I felt he was special and we could talk about things nobody else was interested in.That day we didn't watch a movie but listened to music,chat and I made dinner,then we sat on my bed to watch an old series and he kept touching me,and I would take out his hand of my legs or shorts playfully saying to concentrate on the film but he kept on,and I was really fucking nervous and scared because I had never been intimate with anyone so I ended up letting him do what he wanted. We had relations,it was my first time and was clearly uncomfortable and didn't want to do it but because he insisted so much and wouldn't give in I fucking did it,fucking hell. I didn't think much about it at the time but I felt bad and guilty because I "let him down" for not being enthusiastic or taking the initiative or anything,but afterwards we just kept chatting and so,and I'd ask him to hang out or something,to continue our relationship but he started ghosting me more and more, saying how busy he was,until he stopped replied to me. It didnt down on me that he could have taken advantage of how emotionally unstable I was to get what he wanted and I feel awful,I feel used and abused,I hate it and I fucking hate him for not saying anything like "I don't want to see you anymore or something" I fucking hate everything,now sex is ruined even more for me and I feel like I can't tell anyone about this because is not an explicit case of rape,I just hate everything so much
I am surprise on how people judge you without knowing the whole story. You'll tell them a small detailed of yourself and then they'll gonna talk like they know you forever.
I've been making a complete clown out of myself spilling my heart out on Roses DMs like a dumbass, also she never replied again, i wonder if my notifications annoyed her so much that she blocked me, i'd write like, at the worst periods i was writing at least once a day, thinking that she just wouldnt see that i sent a lot also since she added me on ig i see when shes online, so i send her message, i realize now that probably annoyed her a lot also telling u guys about her has been annoying everyone im sorry guys, im actually sorry and i regret everything, but im just in so much pain from this like never before, when i talk about her and my feelings is kinda help me cope and soothes my pain but im still hurting so bad, this is so ridiculous i know but it doesnt stop i wish it would just stop it doesnt tho all i care about is having her acknowledge me and be proud of me
damm. I can't wait to tell my friend i want to suck his hard wet cock & ride on it like three millions times in a day . and i'am a guy and his hate gay. And iam don't know what to do well for fucking sith sake. And its in high school and i didn't seen his dick. fuck.
Finding out that my husband had been talking other women online opened my eyes. Though the conversations were innocent, it made me face stuff about myself that I grew blind to. I'm getting old. I'm getting fat. My skin is suffering. My outlook on life is suffering. So since then I've been working on it. But in secret. It's just easier for me that way. But lately, it's all been splitting me down the middle. I just want to be thin and beautiful again. And I want to be succeed in something again. I also, really, really, want to friggin eat. Sighhhhh. But the best things in life don't come easy....so I'll cry on my way to work, snack a bit, and keep moving forward.
I wish I knew how to love myself better so I could let go of toxic people in my life but I feel like I’d rather passively love myself than be alone.
I have no reason to live.
I'm so sick of being poor. I fear for my future.