I had a dream last night that I tried some heavy drugs and then tried to look for and murder my friend with a knife. She was hiding from me. I found her, but I thought about it and decided against it, feeling monstrous and leaving her. I then ran into my boss from work, and some employees from the company who I'm contracting, still obviously fucked up on drugs. I felt like my life fell apart, and that I became less than human.
There are many debates going on.... One of the biggest is : is drug addiction a disease? A lot of people have so much sympathy for drug users and say it's a disease when people tell them they knew the consequences when they tried it. These defenders even compare it to diabetes. But the funny thing is they don't have the same sympathy for those of us who suffer from depression and have chosen to not numb our emotions and just feel it all.. While letting the emotions kill us slowly. We're told to get over it or do something to distract us from our pain. And when one of us can't take it anymore and we commit suicide, they are met with such back lash and called selfish .. I mean no sympathy at all.. But someone overdoses and it's "oh poor thing had a disease". Fuck any of you who have sympathy for people who are too pussy to face their demons/emotions and numb them, and rag on poor people who are so overcome with sadness that even getting out of bed is a struggle. Depression is a real thing. If we had more understanding from those around us, it would help. Keep coddling drug abusers and guess what? More people will be doing drugs. I didn't ask to have crippling depression. I force myself to be happy but deep down its just a facade. Y'all hooked on drugs asked for it. You went out of your way to do it. So y'all who defend drug users with your life while shitting on depressed people are useless. Go befriend a drug addict and don't cry when they steal all your shit and sell it for drugs ✌🏼️✌🏼
my mother told me "no one care listen to me,when i speak" sometimes i think she is right...
I have no regrets in being an under achiever and having my life to a complete stand still since I left school. No job, no gf, very few friends. I don't feel bad, is that weird?
My therapist says that my mother is a big hindrance to my life. She's over protective to me and that's why my life is how it is: 37 yrs old and no job, money, friends or gf. Because I've never exposed myself to life's challenges I have extreme fear and anxiety to take risks, any risks at all to try to improve my life. And it's I feel like an overgrown 16 yrs old boy. I don't know what to do to overcome this situation. Getting my shit together is like climbing the Everest.
I've passed on so many chances to fuck a lot of women because of my anxiety and fear...
I'm having incestuous thoughts about my siblings again. Damn me! It's so gross. I don't want anything like that for real.
I flick the bean about five times a day. How shameful.
When my friend who I hadnt seen in a year committed suicide, I blamed myself. I still do. I have saved so many of my friends from the same fate, I dont know why I couldnt have just saved him too. I stopped talking to him, somwthing I regret. He started as a friend of my boyfriend, my boyfriend did some stuff and I left. I didnt want to make things awkward so I cut ties. Its my fault he is dead. When I first learned he died I told my mom and she said sorry for your loss before getting mad at me for not emptying dishwasher. I yelled back and her response is the thing that has hurt me the most. "You'd think after his death you would treat the people you love better" When I talked about this with my therapist I accidently told my mom how much this hurt and she gor mad at me again. She apologised but I feel it was only to make me shut up about it. Shes right afterall it is my fault. But it still hurts.
My baby boy died inside me, strangled by his umbilical cord. He was due December 16th, and even though I'm not suicidal anymore, I can't bring myself to eat or take care of myself. I want my family to have a good Christmas, but I want no part of it. I wish everyone else could experience it joyfully, but I want to tune it out to survive. Even though I don't want to kill myself anymore, the pain feels like it will kill me anyway.