I am 46yrs old and have been plagued by health issues. I was looking through my mums family history records and discovered that my parents are actually cousins and this explains everything. What makes it worst, my mum's parents were also cousins and throughout our family tree relations have married and had kids. I feel so sick in the guts now finding this out and the fact my brothers and I are products of incest. This why we are plagued with medical issues . God I am so grateful I never had children. DON'T MARRY YOUR FUCKEN COUSINS, IT HARMS YOUR CHILDREN AND RUINS THEIR LIVES!!!
my confession is that sometimes i fantazy into getting in a fit match with the assholes that raped me, just....smashed their face up so badly, they whish they we're death.
I can't believe its taken me this long to do this. A long time coming but its time nonetheless. Back when I was in highschool, I was never really involved in the dating scene. Highschool seemed to simply be a glorified place where people had to compete to be noticed, be admired, to simply be known and viewed at as a human being. And if you did something that was in the least bit awkward then it was frowned upon and you were either completely ignored or you were mocked for the rest of your highschool years. Which brings me to my confession. It wasn't until I turned 20, two years after I had graduated from highschool that I began feeling the stirs of desire and romance. From the age of 20 to about 24, I flirted with multiple women, I remained single though. The more I flirted, the more I began to get drunk and intoxicated with the conversations. They were in their mid to late 40's and 50's. I made certain that they were single though. The conversations went from simple flirting to sometimes quite intimate discussions. I was addicted to this behavior. But then, I stopped to think. Why was I doing this? Was it right? All those questions built up in my mind, my heart, and my soul. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became, the more fearful I became, the more guilty I became. I gained weight, lost my connection to my spiritual side ( no I'm not conserative), I became distrustful and I then stopped doing it all together. It doesn't change the fact though that I was a pig. Nothing more than a hounddog, a weasel. I thought with my sensual and lustful desires rather than thinking with my brain. I place this in the hate category because I have hated myself for behaving like this. I was a coward and have been behaving like a coward. A sin of pleasure and desire. Of course at the time I was doing it I didn't feel that way. I am in a caereer that I have fallen in love with and am eager to succeed at. However, every night I think back on those past mistakes I made, all the flirting, the lust, and I feel sick to my stomach for my behavior. For years I prided myself on being loyal to my friends and family and always being there for them, yet I lost my loyalty the second I began flirting and giving in to my desires. Again, I was foolish and I have been acting like a coward and trying to run from the mistakes. I am ready to move on though and ask for only one thing now to help me get my life back on track. I ask for forgiveness and the chance to move on and start over. I've lost most of the weight that I gained, I've really been working hard to stay loyal to the new friends I've made and my family, my new career is like a crop of wealth just waiting for me to harvest. If only I can get over this hatred that I feel. Hatred directed towards myself. Thank you for your time.
i'm into girls but sometimes i pretend to convince myself that i'm not lesbian but getting laid by guys...i'm from a conservative christian background;my life sucks and i feel so unhappy with everything about me.I've tried making out with a guy twice but threw up,it was disgusting...so if i have sex with a guy the most we can do is penetrationbecause even cuddling with a guy is uncomfortable to me
I have cried secretly in the bathroom in the middle of the night, when I cry I think about how much pain I'll be in if my grandmother dies so I can cry more.
My mom refuses to excercise. she has to better her health so if we end up catching corona she has chances to survive, but she doesn't do anything, she doesn't listen to me even tho im literally a fitness expert and its what i do with my whole frickin life. she reads bullshit online to try to contradict or dismiss whatever i say, like ''this way to workout is better than that way'' but then she doesn't do anything she just uses information to paralyze herself. i'm wasting my whole year simply because i have to protect them, the least she could do is go fucking workout everyday and get her lungs healthier
I'm Not Gonna Lie I Still Think About You But I Know I Don't Cross You're Mind
I'm not proud of myself with this. I know it makes a shitty person and nothing justifies it but I'm at a loss. I've been in a really with my fiancee for a year now, engaged six months. Our relationship is strained to say the least. But to put it bluntly, I have no trust in her at all. She is aware of this and we're working on it. But in regards to me personally, I feel so isolated. I dont tell her anything because I dont trust her, she doesnt like it when I talk to my remaining family about our issues. She HATES that I'm bi-sexual. She cant stand that I have severe depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, self-harm problems. I'm trying everyday to be better for myself, her and our daughter but it's a struggle each day and she doesn't understand that. I force myself out of bed each damn day. I digress. It's like this day in and day out. I feel like I'm caging myself. I cant breath. its suffocating. So to find some release: theres a guy I talk to on snapchat who ACTUALLY gets me on these levels. He understands my pains and issues. We talk for hours on end and I think hes fucking adorable. we exchange snaps, talk about or day and so on. we dont do anything lewd or that but I still call him cute and such. I understand that I'm a bad fiancee because I do this. To be fair, she cheated on me TWICE, and still I stayed with her. She took everything I told her in confidence and privacy and she threw it back at me in arguments and used them to hurt me. That doesn't justify my actions, I know. but Sometimes I feel this relationship is killing me slowly. I dont want a future with this guy, but it's nice to have someone to talk too.
Ive been dieting for 7 weeks but constantly cheating on it. I yell at my family who then call me out on it. Piece of shit, thy name is me.
Covid-19 is making it so easy for me to hide from the world. I don't go out unless I'm forced to, like an appointment or I ran out of food (after 3 weeks, and being things I can't get on delivery). It's so cold in the house and I want to be out in the sunshine but I'm so lazy, getting dressed or showering is 'too hard' so I stay in bed or on the couch and do nothing. At least with my ED I'm not getting fat. *eyeroll*