When I was still in school, I had a lot of sick days because I needed a break from it all a lot. Sometimes I'd fake an illness, sometimes I exaggerated a light cold, I always stayed home as long as the doctor wrote me my sick note even if I felt better sooner. I just needed a break every month, every two months, depending on how bad the year was. I always thought this was quite okay, I had very good grades and as long as I didn't get behind or missed tests, I thought that school wasn't so important that I should put my mental health in second place for it. I always believed that I just needed those breaks because i hate the school system, how you have to learn things you don't want to learn, and that it would become much better when I finally had a job I love. Well, now I'm out of school and have had a job for only 6 weeks. I do love it, but I already need a break. I'm currently at home because my doctor wrote me a sick note for 2 weeks even though I felt bad for only one, but I'm taking the full 2 weeks. I feel like garbage for doing this, but at the same time I feel like I'd collapse if I went back to work. The reason why I went home was that I did have a break down because it became too much for me. After only six weeks. Not because the job is so stressful, it's just that doing anything at all is stressful for me. I have no idea how I'm supposed to be able to ever have a life if I need a break so often. I know I have to become stronger, but how?
Heavy heart Emotionally unstable I don't usually feel like this But every time I did, i always want to drop everything and leave and do nothing But i didn't because I'm a coward
Somehow I wish karma existed so I could just do a bunch of really nice things and then the bad stuff that keeps happening to me stops. Or maybe I'm wrong and it does exist and I just don't notice that I'm a horrible person who gets what they deserve.
Ah damn, I actually rely on imaginary friends to try and feel less lonely.
A (long) while ago, I posted on here that I might have cancer. Since then, no cancer was found, but also no other cause of my symptoms. I'm closer to a diagnosis now, but I'm also quite sure that it will be something bad. And who knows, maybe I won't even get a diagnosis and my symptoms just get worse and worse - either way, I have little hope that my life will be worth living a few years, maybe only months, from now. Because I'm getting worse. My biggest wish is to be wrong about this, to be sitting here a year from now and writing about how I can't believe how hopeless I once felt because all is fine. Everyone who's remotely healthy should feel really grateful for this.
everyday, I had to witness my mom and my dad fighting. I'm so done. I feels like I want to ...
I don't know how I'm supposed to make it through life. Every day I wake up and then I'm just laying there, trying to gather the will and courage to get up and go to work. It's especially hard on Mondays, where I often am so miserable and afraid that I want to cry (I'm just too tired to do so). Then it's 8 hours of frequently looking at the clock and almost getting a break down because time passes so slowly. The only days that feel worth living are weekends. I know that some of you will tell me to get a new job, but it's not my job that sucks, not that itself. At least I think so; I can't imagine doing something else for a living. What really makes me so miserable is the whole human interaction connected with it. The pressure of not screwing up, of not looking stupid, interacting with bosses (which all of my colleagues are because I'm the newest). I seem to lack the natural understanding of what is appropriate and what is not, so I often get myself into awkward situations. I really hope that this will fade when the years pass, that I will become more experienced and therefore less afraid. But until then, every day will be torture.
I've been an addict for 10+ years to this filth it's ruining my life. I've quitted multiple times but I always, always go back. It's really hard to quit but I have faith. There is not going back, not this time. God, give me strength..
People say it's okay to not know what you want to do or what to not know what you want to be as far as the age of 40, i hear it all the time but the amount of pressure and stress my mum puts on me is unreal, and I'm only 17. She threatens me all the time that I'll have to marry young and become a housewife if i dont choose a career path soon. I know she means well but little does she know her words are detrimental and heartbreaking. She tells me i don't take school seriously and i just go for the sake of it but truth is, i'm just as confused as the next kid.
I can't stop thinking about my ex with his new girlfriend. I loved him with all my heart, i thought he was the one. He took a part of my soul with him. I feel so empty. I just wanna recover from this, I'm trying so hard but i just can't