I sometimes repeatedly say to my self I love you and try to imagine that someone else is saying it to me. Sometimes I cry after doing that because I think that no one will ever love me (romantically) because I am too ugly
I really love my best friend but because she is the prettiest and most popular girl in the school and has a great body and next to her I am invisible I am very jealous of her. I secretly wish she would gain 30 pounds and start looking very ugly and I get prettier than I am now so everyone would start saying I am better than her and all the boys in my school would want to fuck me
I wish I could make the people I love understand that I'm not always an asshole to them because I hate them, but because I'm stressed. That I'm not giving snappy answers because they annoy me, but because I want to get to my room as fast as possible because the tears are already coming and I don't want them to see me cry. That I don't never make time for them because they're unimportant; it's just that I don't even manage to get out of bed to take a shower, let alone leave the house. That I don't seem to not enjoy the time with them because I don't love them; it's just that I don't enjoy ANYTHING anymore. But no matter how much I try to explain it, they keep taking it personal and I can't even blame them. You can't understand this kind of shit if you're not living it.
The last couple of weeks have been horrible for me because of bad stress at work, and the only thing that kept me going was a party I was going to go to on the upcoming weekend, which I was really looking forward to. I don't often have the opportunity to go to parties, so I was madly happy about it. But now I'm getting sick. This is so damn unfair. Not just that I'm missing the party now, I'll also have to go to work sick next week because that's the most inconvenient time to call in sick (let's just say that if I weren't at work next week, that would mean more trouble for me than dragging myself there with a fever). But it could still happen that I'm sent home by my boss, and then I would still have to face all those inconveniences AND missed the party AND be stressed out as hell... it just sucks to be me at the moment.
they say im amazing and perfect and anyone would be lucky to have me. then they leave while they say leaving me was the hardest thing theyve done, why does this shit always happen to me. it always ends in my heart breaking
i really thought she was the one, i know i wont find anyone like her again and i cant stop being sad and crying and wanting to end it all.
I miss my old friends, the ones you went to school with and always played and spent time with. But then school ended and we went our seperate ways. I want to call them maybe just spend an evening together and talk with them but i also feel that painful voice in the back of my head telling me "They don't want to talk to you, they left you alone because they don't need you" and i just feel that I need someone to talk to, someone that I can share what I feel with because I don't know how much longer I can hold on
i love my gf and i know she loves me too, theres no doubt about it. but she broke up with me because of her family who will only let her get married to someone of the same culture and background as her. i didnt think anyone could love me as much as she loved me (as ive dated kinda a lot) i dont know what to do because i cant have her and be with her when she feels the exact same way. its killing me
I'm so over being sober. Only reason why it seems like I go to work is to be able to afford to mentally numb myself.
God damn. I am sad that you want anyone but me. Fuck. I'm so angry for letting myself get dragged on for so hard when I knew what was going on.