so....ive been raped and I don't know what's wrong with me....maybe I'm I'll or something but I can't stop myself. I've been watching rape movies, videos....even trying to find a realistic portrayal of it in porn(sucks).im not sure why.i don't enjoy it or get pleasure,it's just that I can't stop myself. even when it gets too much to watch or too painful...i force myself and continue watching then try to find one that I could relate to.i hate myself for watching it.it makes me feel sick and just disgusting.
im wearing this smile that i don't believe in
Sadness is a really nice feeling. To be honest thats a really weird thing to say, but when you think about it, you get sad when you had something valuable and lost it. and in my eyes, thats the point. i had something that made an impact on my life, i had something that made me happy. i just had something. I may be sad that i lost it, but i am happy that i had it. In a deep philosphical way, time isnt real, so if all i have left are my memories, i am okay with it.
I am 57 year old male never had sex how do you girls all the time no matter what age and to get down to the nitty-gritty I need sex American Fork Utah any went out there let's take a chance
sometimes I write and post stuff here before I say it in the public just to see if the things I do is sociologically and ethically acceptable to the people. If not I try to change what I say and mostly say nothing at all. And at this moment, I'd like to say this, I'm the kind of person who sometimes feel bad for massacre killers and have great sympathy on them (and I know I also feel bad for their victims but I also feel bad for them ) just because the things they deal with are the things I deal with also. Depression, severe bullying, emotional abuse and not really liked by people just because of being quiet. Because sometimes these mental and emotional struggle we experience is driving us insane ti even affects us physically (internally and externally). But me, I never wanted to attempt to murder people and become a serial killer just because I know it's gonna cause me great trouble and great destruction to my future. Plus, slaying someone's life is not worth it even though their attitude makes me wanna kill them right off the bat. I still care and try to understand that society sometimes are crazy and they pass it on to you. And what does killing have to do with my benefit of pursuing how to save a life?
i feel like i took a leap of faith by choosing to not to go to college. but it's so hard to work on your own like this. i understand now why people go to college, but i think i still won't go.
I cum very little and even tho girls act like it's nothing i can feel sometimes they are mad about it or smth but idk what to do
I lost my job yesterday :/ im crying non stop
I feel so lost with my major right now. I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I know college don't give me fortune or even stable jobs (as for my bio major). And I'm not happy to get in to med school. So I'm lost. really lost. ANd I just want to get rich honestly. Just want to focus on my income. So far I'm not in debt because I have full scholarship. only enough to pay my whole fucking tuition plus housing. But I'm lonely. Plus the major I have doesn't even introduce the specific science I want. And like what? I have to go to grad school to do that? What an actual fuck? Another money spending... And right now, I'm just way too depressed looking at my money and I only have $20 on my bank account, almost homeless and thinking how I can manage to fit that as my food allowance for three weeks. My brother, took the easiest major, and manage to double major and have excess sum of scholarship and have a stable job after. Plans to go to law school. But I don't like his majors. I took it and it was depressing even further. And his success and mines. Sometimes I look at myself, what the hell am I doing wrong? My brother told me he's always there to help me but I feel bad asking him for money. I have a job it don't even pay well. Then this other class I already failed it because I work last sem with two jobs and I'm stressed with this one either. I don't know anymore. Whatever...... I don't even know what I'm saying. All I just know I want to run far far far away where these feelings won't hunt me....
I'm scared of this reality called life...The more I think about it...I'll just go deeper until the voices won't shut up and fall into depression...They say accept the reality of life but how 😧