I feel so lost with my major right now. I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I know college don't give me fortune or even stable jobs (as for my bio major). And I'm not happy to get in to med school. So I'm lost. really lost. ANd I just want to get rich honestly. Just want to focus on my income. So far I'm not in debt because I have full scholarship. only enough to pay my whole fucking tuition plus housing. But I'm lonely. Plus the major I have doesn't even introduce the specific science I want. And like what? I have to go to grad school to do that? What an actual fuck? Another money spending... And right now, I'm just way too depressed looking at my money and I only have $20 on my bank account, almost homeless and thinking how I can manage to fit that as my food allowance for three weeks. My brother, took the easiest major, and manage to double major and have excess sum of scholarship and have a stable job after. Plans to go to law school. But I don't like his majors. I took it and it was depressing even further. And his success and mines. Sometimes I look at myself, what the hell am I doing wrong? My brother told me he's always there to help me but I feel bad asking him for money. I have a job it don't even pay well. Then this other class I already failed it because I work last sem with two jobs and I'm stressed with this one either. I don't know anymore. Whatever...... I don't even know what I'm saying. All I just know I want to run far far far away where these feelings won't hunt me....
I'm scared of this reality called life...The more I think about it...I'll just go deeper until the voices won't shut up and fall into depression...They say accept the reality of life but how 😧
I fucked up so many times and you gave me another chance time and time again. I am truly sorry, I never meant to hurt you.
the path we take are the path which was built for us by evolution. let us all take it and not create another path leading to devolution. and whats happening right now in this planet is devolution. we have not become on top of the food chain to become flat-earthers, conspiracy theorists, trannies, and "i-identify-as-a-random-person" human beings. we are on the top to become the greatest of all the species in this planet we are living in... come on people, we are the most intelligent organisms in this round, definitely not flat, governed by two genders, and mentally-matured earth. i am very regretful that the famous minds who have been born before me did not think of this and cannot, in any way, make a solution out of this. this is my older brother's laptop and this has been a rage filled, alcohol induced post by a certified top notcher neurologist in one of the most handpicked in a select university from the planet researching for the development of a cancer detecting vaccine funded by a medical institution in korea right now. the way you people devolve is very... entertaining. suppose Darwin was RIGHT from the start.
it's happening....im going through the same stuff i went through with my ex and it's breaking me.i had a mini pannick attack and almost there up.i can't go through this again. I'm going to break up and leave. I deserve someone who loves me and cherishes me not someone who loves everyone and abuses me and my love.i just hate the fact that this is someone I opened my heart to that did this to me .it hurts so much more. he's all I had and idk what to do anymore. I can no longer trust anyone. I feel like absolute crap. I just wanna bury myself in a hole. why am I so unlovable? I feel like absolute filth. maybe I should just be a whore....at least they get loved and someone always falls for them. idk what to do im feeling sick to my stomach and I can't eat anything and can barely sleep.
Im interested in people and be friends with them just because I love listening to their stories, their point of view and their thoughts. But they dont interest me because I look intimidating and creepy by look because I always have a resting bitch face. I wnted to smile but they dont smile so it be awkward. Plus im very shy. And I dont know I never made friends yet in college. And my loneliness adds up to my facial expression.
Not that I'm disrespecting those who are christians here. But I don't like being one. If my mom didn't raise me to fear god or to feel bad not going to church because of my busy life, I wouldn't be stressed out in life. I wouldn't always have hidden regrets in life. I wouldn't feel pressured because someone rooted me a sense of fear for someone I'm not sure is really there to help emotionally and spiritually. I would be enjoying my career in Biology happily by myself without anyone intruding in my life knowing I'm a science person. I wouldn't believe in superstition that actually happens just because I believe in them. And overall, I wouldn't be lonely really because I have to divide myself all the time. And it's not that being a christian is all bad it's just the way I was raised with it drives me insane. and I always feel bad that I dissapoint my mom because I don't like to believe the ways he does. although, at the same time, this era of our lives, many are starting not to believe in a religion. People are rather structured. So at the same time, I'm pressured not believe in a religion. I'm pressured with my past world, this reality, and my own world generally.....................
I live in a foreign country for 4 years now.. My 4 years old hamster died today and im feeling very shitty Everyone just said “just a fucking rat” The thing is.. thir rat was my only friend for the last 4 years in this shit country that i hate
I feel like I should be stabbed
I hate my family so much I feel like once I got a job im going to cut all ties and just live my life someplace else. Reason being I don't think they really care as much as they said they do as a family. Whenever someone have a bad or an emotional day, I always try to be there to hear their problems. Sometimes they got sidetracked from the original problem till it even got as much as them getting angry at or ridiculing me for my own way of life example is, my opinion on staying single because all my relationship have been toxic so far so Im going to do things I like and not look for any suitors so maybe ill find a better relationship while im doing it. In the end i need to say sorry and say my choices in life is bad and all. Jumping to the present day, Im having a bad day so I kinda hoped that one of them would atleast ask me how I am or whatever. To start things off they acted like I dont even exist (not looking at me, ignore my "hey" or acted like they didnt hear what i said) and to make it even harder I heard them whispering to each other to ignore me because im having a bad day and I will only get angry instead. Well im angry now and felt very betrayed. I dont think these guys are worth it now...