I feel so broken. So distant. This time of year if always hard, but after 9 months of quarantine... It hits harder. I'm detached from reality, I have no energy, no time. My sex drive is non-existent, even though I keep having dreams about being sexually frustrated. My partner is starting to feel unwanted, and he's doubting himself. And I feel terrible about it.
my dream is to find someone who will be my best friend and my gf, and were helping each other everyday more than we help anyone else, and we make time to help each other, id like if we both had same career tbh i think that would be cool, i wish she would understand me and also want to be a ninja, and we dedicate our lives to make ourselve and eachother better ninja as possible and push it to the absolute limit , fuck it lets see how much of a ninja u can really be , i wish someone understood me, other than that person who is out of the question
im a 25 yr old guy and i havent had sex in like 2 and a half years and last time i did it it was bad. i had done it before and it was much better, i realize its because i need to feel safe i guess and im kind of insecure. i dont think i can really frick someone in the first date like my friends do unless we really, really really really like, click i guess. i dunno im just weird. i feel like a hole in my chest sometimes really bad, and despair. i dont want to be alone so much it just, it just sucks, it sucks really bad, i want to get like a hug and be kissed and feel comfortable enough to even have sex and not feel like im being judged or wrong for the way that i am
i havent messaged that person anymore but today was tough, i cried all day and had terrible thoughts, i feel so stupid and like im the worst because what i said wasnt good enough for her to think well of me idk. i just want to keep training and hopefully get really good. i cry today about how i wasted my teens and early 20s
My mother told me today that she pretended that I didn't exist alot. A least she was honest.
I never gave myself a chance to grieve after losing this baby. Pregnant only 2 times in 5 years, not having positive thought. At the point I just want to give up only the idea of children, tie my tubes, and just race on the track like I will die that day. im over it and done with this sappy idea that I could even be happy.
I haven't talked to that person i like in over a week now , also i started journaling again and i followed a lot of accounts that have to do with like therapy and positive things, i learned from that person, to use things like quotes and stuff in your daily life its not corny or try hard its actually very helpful and can help u be better with ur mind.. also im trying to not watch porn, but today i did a bunch of times :/ its difficult . im embarassed already so pls if i could not be bullied for this it would be nice because im trying my best i dont want to be in love with someone like that. , and i like to write here how im struggling cuz it helps a little bit and i dont feel as bad and helps me stay strong and not write her or be thinking of her too much
The only reason for why I'm not ending my life tonight is because I don't want my boyfriend to have to come home to a pool of blood with my lifeless body in it. To be honest, I never knew I was so selfless. Always thought of myself as quite a narcissist.
I had a weird nightmare, in it I had a girlfriend and we were sitting together in a class or sort. She was very clingy and asked me why I didn't do this and that, and so I asked her to broke up with me if she's not satisfied with my personality and love language. And there was this other girl who was willing to do anything for her but she didn't want to break up with me. But then a drunk guy got into our room and wanted to take advantage of my gf, so I fought him with all my might (i might be cold but i would do anything to protect her), he lost his consciousness for like a minute but then he woke up again and threatened to rape me. Everyone was too afraid to help me. I ran away but he kept finding me, So I fought him again but I could feel my body couldn't keep up, as I almost give up thankfully I woke up. I don't know what nightmares mean but it felt so real and very scary. I just wanted to let it out. the thing is I don't even have a gf in rl.
I am blumic and I have some digestive problems. I have been vomiting for 2 years, but neither my family, nor my friends know it. I can't get rid of this situation, but I want. Because I know sooner or later it will be a big problem for my healthy. Think, you eat what you want, after an hour you vomit all of them. It is horrible and I know it.