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tfw ... When I'm out with a friend and they keep showing me posts on social media That I've Already Reacted To. (if it was a child I'd play along but jeez this is a supposed adult wtf I'm gonna lose my shit inna sec)

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I wish I was happy without taking pills.

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I hate my self because I battle pedophilia. it not cool at all. I feel like I'm a monster. I dont know how long I can take it. it a everyday. battle and I hate my self. I try and fail at the battle. i have been battling this since i was 15 years old. wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. at 15 years old I lost the battle. I was left alone with a little girl. she was 5 years old and I was 15 years old. we were alone all night . while my uncle and his girl .went out to the club. that night i lost the battle. we ended up having having sex. I didn't think about it when it happened. I lost control and I had sex with the 5 year old little girl. several times that summer. since then I have pulled my self together. I'm 32 years old now. i hate my self.

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  • well I think there nothing wrong. with feeling like that with little girls. it normal to me but society says it wrong. so it wrong and thats not true. smoking cig is wrong . but it not and it just how and how u are. I say go live your life.

  • Another good step would be to stop calling what you did to that five year old 'having sex'. You didn't have sex. You raped her. Repeatedly. I appreciate that you feel bad about it, but your phrasing is... not really taking full accountability for the reality of what you did. You say you lost the battle, lost control, and had sex. It's impossible to truly fight a problem if you shy away from fully facing it head on. Part of facing it is admitting to yourself, in plain and realistic language, exactly what you did to that child. You sexually violated her. Then seek therapy.

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Anxiety→Overthinking→ stress→anxiety→overthinking → stress. Repeat. It won't stop 😢😓😫

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  • I once tried to focus on a headband that was kinda extra and it kinda worked, i wasn't anxious for 5 minutes, then i tried it again and it worked again. Maybe you just have to think about something that you think about when you are not anxious?

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I'm a worthless lazy bum. My mother's companion is the same as me. Me, him and my mother live together. I'm 39, she's 60, he's 62. Me and him don't do house chores at all. We're both unemployed for a long time. We're rude to her and treat like a maid. All three of us had this fight yesterday because, you guessed it, me and him are lazy pricks. Now on to me: I have no motivation or strengths left to carry on. I barely have friends, never had a relationship, i'm too afraid (and lazy) to do anything that a responsible adult should be doing. What will be of me when my mother's not able to support me? I also have several health problems like diabetes, being overweight. I did chemotherapy 7 years ago and radiotherapy too. I was also abused by my uncle when I was little. He tricked me into masturbating him a few times. My father was murdered by this abusive uncle's father. They were drinking companions until the day my mother told my father she was raped by him. My father was no saint, he was a drunk that used to beat my mother.

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  • I think maybe you're not lazy, you're probably just depressed, and you need help. That said, putting forth effort can go a long way with helping fight depression. Stop treating your mother like shit. You are choosing to be a bad person. Choose to try to be better.

  • I would start by telling my mother that i really want to help her but have no motivation whatsoever, then i would ask her to give me time to do a little chore every day and maybe sometimes my laziness would get the best of me and i wouldn't do them at all. You must pick yourself up again and start again with a little more motivation wich can be helping your mother that was probably trugh the most. And if you will actually start doing your chores after few months or a year, then you can tell her companion (if you have good relationship) if he wants to die being lazy or actually do something and make everyone at his death see what they lost. I believe in you, you can still be at first a really good help to mom if not anything else, and let your love for her be your motivation. :)

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i asked to be understood... no one took a minute to hear me. really hear me. im at my brink. i feel like im abt to hv a heart attack. why do things hv to be taken so complicated. why do i need everyones approval. i live in a house w people, so i hv to respect people. doesn't that apply to me too?. am i not a person?. why does her opinion always hv to matter more than mine?.. even on matters that are mine. do i not hv any rights on my own belongings?. i understand the consequence of my actions, i understand that it's important to get along. but do u not see the difference of simple sacrifice for the better of everyone and bullying?. she steps on me like im a pebble. u dont address tht because of "our situation". . our situation demanded some form of sacrifice but it did not demand me to be bullied in a place you promised would be safe. u keep saying things will change when we r out of "our situation"... show me u can change even in our situation. bcz all i keep hearing is hope.. n my will to hope is thinning by the minute. i did what i did to establish boundaries. bcz she asked for a friend but she is expecting a slave. i dont see her treating any friends the way she treats me. n i keep giving and giving. i treat her better than any friend i had. but still.... so when i ask u to help guide her to see where shes going wrong thats pushing me to my edge.. u know the same thing ur doing to me to help me be better w her.. u say u dont want to do that because it will make her find a point against me.. ull slow talk w her.. but when the same thing keeps happening, its time for a different approach. so when i asked u for support. u act like i forced u.. how is this fair?.. am i just suppose to submit until we get out of "our situation" and let her oppress me?. is that ur plan to make me get along w them?.. i can't do things my way even if it is just for me?.. the things im asking for limits no one. does not burden anyone. not 1 person. but not asking for it tAkes pieces of me away. n u would rather "avoid their drama" than make sure i am ok?. if it is so important to you to avoid their drama. to the point that u would huff and puff when i ask to discuss abt this.. then ..

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It seems my human friends have forgotten me. no matter how much I reach out to them, they say they'll get back to me but never do. So I do them the same respect and forget them as they have forgotten me.

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  • its baffling to me how my internet friends, random ass people I never met before are better friends than my in-person ones.

  • Honestly I'm too obsessed with internet to remember to go hang out with my real friends and if i remember then i am just too anxious

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Why am I like this lmao

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  • 🎵 why am I like this? why am I like this? why am I like this? why am I? maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body, maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party. 🎶 'why am I like this' orla gartland

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I deleted my Facebook, snapchat and this app called whisper. I just didn't see the point of them anymore. on Facebook I had only 3 friends, had an account since it existed. I only had snapchat for this one friend who im sure I have an obsession with not love... we no longer talk. finalize by her this time. I'm just tired. making friends is just pointless. everyone leaves and they have to. their lives have to progress. why can't I focus on progressing my own. why does having friends matter. why do I always miss them. I dont want to miss anyone anymore. why can't I focus on other things.... sighs

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  • I can't focus on studying either and i stopped progressing socially so i will have more time for studying. But i don't.

  • Sometimes the people we attach to are just leaves or branches.. They are fleeting or crack when pressure too much is required... But we don't know they are leaf and branch people so we attach too deeply when they only ment to be fleeting. Those people who only pass by in life to teach us things usually. When you meet people who will become roots in your life. They'll stay. They'll hold strong and support you on your journey nor prohibiting your growth but enhancing it. If sucks to wait for those people but in the time we wait we grow ourselves into what we want but we can only make it so far without root people. Find out the direction your headed and as you walk it root people will come into your life. This is not advice this me actively speaking over what I know can be truth. Find a direction. Start moving(doesn't matter the pace or the progress just start). And root people will find you. And in the time it takes for them to find you your soul will have begun to heal from wounds left behind from branch and leaf people....trust me, it's possible, your capable, it's reasonable and achievable. You can do it

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its strange but i must confess i did not have anyone liking me these past two years and a half. compared to everyone i talk to i had zero i swear and would like to know why or how plse. am i very ugly?

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  • You just haven't found the ones who like you yet.

  • that you know of

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