I just ate 5 painkillers and life hates me so much it didn't even work...
the thought of working every day and paying bills and that is basically what life is....idk if I'm just too depressed to enjoy anything else.
i want to make a lot of friends but im already 25 and almost no friends. i have 2 good friends but i feel like i could lose them at any time. not deep friendship... not sure if they like me cuz im so autistic and they probably weirded out that i like this girl fighter person so much :/
how fucked up and undateable am i if im scared of sex and just want girls to hold me and tell me everything is gonna be ok does anyone know
i should say her name i realize that now. guys sometimes i wonder if im legit crazy because why am i saying her name and spamming this is still a website everyone can read dang i wish i could delete everything here as well... mods can i do that somehow?? someone help i dont want ppl to know i actually feel this stuff omg i regret everything i wrote , its just i write way too personal even for a supposedly anonymous website i shared way too much omg i hope she never frickin reads this or anyone who knows here i swear im not crazy i promise and im getting over this crush and im not crazy and i have skills and im not hideous or creepy and i take baths like twice a day and im actually gonna make it and find a home i promise to myself and im sorry for weirding everyone out im just way too open and overshare and i hope i can stay quiet online for a while and i regret saying her name so many times online in different forums and sharing my identity god i must look so creepy to her im so upset why did i frickin post all these thing omgggg i just wanted to talk to someone and express myself somehow why did i had to frickin do this omg ... guys did i just ruin my fucking life forever omg
my friend invited me to start training at his house 2x a week for our upcoming jiu jitsu competition, i'll probably stay afterwards to talk and smoke a few joints before coming home, which is really nice, because ever since i came back home from vacation the rose thing has been worse than ever , most days being alone and not having anyone to talk makes it much worse btw as far as that goes i deleted every single message i ever sent her, and now if she ever opens our conversation for some reason, theres just gonna be here reply there , she wont even know what she was replying to, i wonder how much she will hate it, or be creeped by it. everyday i start to just want to kill myself more and more, if i was a good person rose would have liked me and talked to me more, since she didnt like me it means im a bad person and i cant have hope or dreams anymore, i cant take it anymore i never been this broken, when this all started i just was happy to finally have a hero and role model and to finally have romantic feelings for someone again after years, i didnt know it would turn out like this , and i would fuck it up so badly and ruin every chance to have her like me, im a failure i dont want to be alive anymore like this pls someone help pleasee
Where are all of the good people at who are genuinely looking for something real and meaningful (eg. platonic friendship)? They honestly seem to be extremely hard to find nowadays. It's sad and very unfortunate but true.
I deleted my dms to Rose and i wonder if it makes me seem more or less crazy? also i deleted comments i left on her posts when she posted them, but theres a lot of them and its hard to delete all of them. her mom liked my comments once and i followed her, should i unfollow her? her mom seems nice, but she didnt follow me back i wonder if she doesnt like me and if it would be more or less rude to unfollow her? also does anyone how long it will last that i still like her before i am cured? i dont want to think about her everyday anymore i just want to be happy again :/ being like fan of someone is harsh, u feel worthless and alone trying to get someones attention who doesnt like u , i stopped completely, yesterday rose was online all day which she never does and i didnt message her at all and im not going to anymore im not gonna message her at all anymore and if she loses her next fight i wouldnt even care
Today was one of the worst days , i am injured and cant go train or hangout outside cuz of virus, im back at my parents home. so the Rose thing today hurt more than ever and its getting really unbareable, i decided that i dont want this anymore, i deleted a bunch of messages that she ignored on ig, and im gonna stop trying to talk to her.. if i ever do achieve my dreams and she talks to me im just gonna tell her than i don't want to talk now, i wanted to talk when i was alone and in pain and needed someone to show me some hope but she ignored me, thats what im gonna tell her :/ its gonna need so much effort and im so so so alone and have no one to talk to but ill have to force myself to stop writing to her, its too terrible for my mental health. i cry every night. someone please just make this stop
Externally I am fine, I can life and genuinely be happy. But inside is a fricking hurricane of sadness, angry, and frustration I'm working on how to deal with.... I don't tell people these things because I don't want people to think I'm inconsolably broken... I might be but you don't get to treat me like I am.