ive forgotten how to cry
i feel like im living in limbo... my life isn't good or bad just blank. i was recently diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and even though i was the one who suggested that i had it i wasn't expecting it to hit this hard. im spending my birthday alone tomorrow and i sincerely hope ill just walk around and wander for the whole day. im not sure if ill be able to handle anything else.
Might be a trigger. . . . . . . . I fantasize about being raped. I dont know why. Could be because of my childhood trauma..and its awful thing and I hate myself for it.
today was so crazy my little sisters best friend. has my number cause I usually pick them up from school on my way home from work. I know she likes me it's cute. yeah I get hard sometimes when I'm around her. but I had no idea she wanted to fuck me. she sent a photo of her in bed naked with her blanket covering up her parts. saying let me know if you want me. I reply quickly yes I do. she's 18 just because she's in high school doesn't mean anything
What to do if you lose your passion? I don't know what is happening to me, but I think I lose my passion and it'll cost me my life (education, family trust, etc). And it still not enough push that I need to get my passion back. I don't know what to do right now. Now it cost me to fall asleep at dawn, overthinking every night, and messing my monthly period because of stressed.
I am so tired of everything... I feel i lost my way, i am caught up in this routine that i hate. I don't do anything i like anymore.. I feel it is my duty to make it right.. But this "right" doesn't seem so right to me.... I am so unhappy.... I need one moment, just a small thing...to still be able to believe that i can go through this...
I need to wake up, to escape. How, can someone tell me the way.
Cute guy winks at me. Keeps thinking about how someone cute winked at me. Thinks too hard and now Im fuckin sad because I'm ugly af and it didnt mean anything.
You've treated me so horribly. I'm so scared of talking to you even though I told you that I wanted to stay friends. You're the first person I've ever truly fallen in love with, but all you want to do is just keep lying to yourself and you don't care who you hurt to do it. I want to be there for you. To help you. But you want to live in a delusion. I should hate you so much, but I can't stop loving you. I wish I've never fallen in love because every single day I only think about you. It doesn't stop.
I am very, very, very lonely. I keep pretending I'm happy with my life and I have friends, but I'm not and I don't.