I'm so sick and tired of believing in a catholic religion. My parents always force me to go to church, pray the rosary... I want to leave sooo bad. I wanted to quit college, work, and just that. I want a peace of mind from school stress and them telling me to do this and that. I don't believe in that religion for a sole purpose of trying to know what I really believe in. And I should've went to mainland for college if it werent my mom sabotaging my application then... But it's too late.... I'm living lies from other people just because even my inner self is a lie. My belief is a lie. I pretend that I believe in a catholic religion when I don't. Can't they just let me go? I want to leave... I'm fine being homeless if I could because fuck these people.. As much as I want to respect the people and the religion but I can't because even the people that cares for me don't even respect me.. well fuck you all catholics and fuck your shit!
Im a huge shut in and super anti-social. Im trying to change cause I have a 6 month old and I dont want to be like me. I want to have friends, have habits he likes to do outside so hes outside and be happy. Hes my world and I hate seeing him upset.
Being an adult is very hard to me. I can't cope with the stress of doing the stuff that I need and want to do.
I had a dream last night that I tried some heavy drugs and then tried to look for and murder my friend with a knife. She was hiding from me. I found her, but I thought about it and decided against it, feeling monstrous and leaving her. I then ran into my boss from work, and some employees from the company who I'm contracting, still obviously fucked up on drugs. I felt like my life fell apart, and that I became less than human.
There are many debates going on.... One of the biggest is : is drug addiction a disease? A lot of people have so much sympathy for drug users and say it's a disease when people tell them they knew the consequences when they tried it. These defenders even compare it to diabetes. But the funny thing is they don't have the same sympathy for those of us who suffer from depression and have chosen to not numb our emotions and just feel it all.. While letting the emotions kill us slowly. We're told to get over it or do something to distract us from our pain. And when one of us can't take it anymore and we commit suicide, they are met with such back lash and called selfish .. I mean no sympathy at all.. But someone overdoses and it's "oh poor thing had a disease". Fuck any of you who have sympathy for people who are too pussy to face their demons/emotions and numb them, and rag on poor people who are so overcome with sadness that even getting out of bed is a struggle. Depression is a real thing. If we had more understanding from those around us, it would help. Keep coddling drug abusers and guess what? More people will be doing drugs. I didn't ask to have crippling depression. I force myself to be happy but deep down its just a facade. Y'all hooked on drugs asked for it. You went out of your way to do it. So y'all who defend drug users with your life while shitting on depressed people are useless. Go befriend a drug addict and don't cry when they steal all your shit and sell it for drugs ✌🏼️✌🏼
my mother told me "no one care listen to me,when i speak" sometimes i think she is right...
I have no regrets in being an under achiever and having my life to a complete stand still since I left school. No job, no gf, very few friends. I don't feel bad, is that weird?
My therapist says that my mother is a big hindrance to my life. She's over protective to me and that's why my life is how it is: 37 yrs old and no job, money, friends or gf. Because I've never exposed myself to life's challenges I have extreme fear and anxiety to take risks, any risks at all to try to improve my life. And it's I feel like an overgrown 16 yrs old boy. I don't know what to do to overcome this situation. Getting my shit together is like climbing the Everest.
I've passed on so many chances to fuck a lot of women because of my anxiety and fear...
I'm having incestuous thoughts about my siblings again. Damn me! It's so gross. I don't want anything like that for real.