In beginning of 2019 i start training to compete in fighting, i was never as happy as that, i started feeling confident and having friends and i had something i loved to work everyday, but i forgot that people around you have malevolence and don't want you to do good. 2 weeks before competition, this black-belt guy used the technique drills to sneak in punches behind my head, i got dizzy and the next day i started seeing black dots in my vision and feeling dizzy and blacking out by any movement or disturbance. i could not fight now , and i lost my whole year. now in holidays my whole family comes and i had nothing to show them, no success, just a wasted year and now i'm brain damaged, they all judge me negatively now and as a failure. the guy who hit me, i was dominating him in sparring sessions, so he tried to hurt me during technique drills. i should have killed him in sparring when i had the chance, and retired him. this was all my fault because i didn't listen to my intuition, my subconscious kept telling me everything i needed to do not train with this guy because he was gonna try to hurt me, and i didn't listen, now i lost everything
I used to masturbate all the time for pleasure and the excitement it brought forth. One thing has changed: I still masturbate all the time, but it's no longer fun. It's like a chore in a way. Worse yet, I just find myself hating myself afterwards, or wanting to cry. Each time I masturbate, I'm reminded of how as a young woman, I'm still extremely single. I went to therapy and spoke to the therapist about my dating troubles and it didn't help. Nothing helps. I don't know what to do, or what's even the point in writing this all down. Everyone around me finds someone and yet no one even glances at me because I'm just the 'class clown' of the friend group. And who would even consider dating someone that they don't even notice?
I have one friend who I would consider to be my whole world. She completes me and without her, I wouldn't be lost, but I would feel like a part of me was missing. We're both attending the same college together and even share an apartment with two other girls. I love it, I get to see her often and in turn we get to hang out all the time, pretty much each day. But something has changed. Winter break is here and though she left to visit family, I'm here still working. She came back a few days ago and things no longer feel the same. She hangs out with other friends and I find myself feeling sicker and sicker to my stomach because I hate that deep down I'm angry at her. I know she has nothing to apologise for, but it hurts to see her hang out with others. I invited her one day to go to the coffee shop we always go to, and she told me "The way we're doing things, isn't working." And that was it. We still hang out and she acts like she didn't say that, but I don't know how to feel. I care so much about her and need only her as a friend, but it's becoming apparent that I'm not enough for her. She's a social butterfly and deep down, I almost wish I could pin those wings down. But I can't. I'm selfish...aren't I?
I'm worried at things that I put that problem aside, distract me with something else that temporarily distracting.. and when I am about to sleep, the problem rushed in and made me worried even more. it's going on and on everyday, everynight. will definitely kill me someday
I'm study in electrical engineering school My professor and friends think I'm not good in everything. All the thing they do is broken my heart. That's made me locked myself in the room. I don't wanna tell someone what i am studying or smile for me the mirror. And then that is the reason forces me to met a shrink(psychiatrist). I fought with bad feeling for 3 years. Now, I can fight with it. I graduated but I studied 5 years. if I can go back in the past, I should study another university. That's crazy they made my teenage life terrible.
I have tried cutting along side my arm, but it never bled out.
I am scared for Christmas. So many things have been happening at school. A girl friend of mine is angry at me for no reason and goes out of her way to try and ignore me as much as possible. If I were to tell her something hopeful, she will just shot it down with an hurtful expression. This has been taking a toll on me since she was my first ever girl friend. Being a kid growing up without any friends really did something to my brain. I also have to take an old friend of mine for consideration. She have been threatenong suicide for months and all I can do is to try and stop her. She comes to me for her small problems and since I am probably a bad friend. That was the least thing I could do. The reason for me being scared for Christmas is because of how much humiliation I will face from my family. I accidentally saw one of the gifts they were wrapping and the contents deeply hurt me. I am 14, weigh 63kg, height 163cm (5 feet 4 inches). Inside the box was training equipment. Did my parents think that I am fat? They probably did and since we are going to be opening this at Christmas eve. My grandparents will also be joining. Which means that they are going to think even more of me as a lesser being. It truly hurts.
i stay with my crazy sister and her retarded kids oh someone save me from my misery
Something so awful that happened to me last summer in my research field. I'm fully aware it was my doing, it was my fault. I lied and I did this because I didn't know what to do. Tbh, it came down with my fear to my mentor who always gets mad at me and knowing the fact that I did it, he will get more mad at me. But it went south, all my colleagues were mad at me. It went too personal as well. They end up knowing my mental health and used it against me. One told me how toxic I am, one told me how he does not like me. One told me how I have a choice, one told me how I should be in the psych ward. I am mad because they were right but at the same time I couldn't speak up, I couldnt be mad back. I felt that it was all my fault. I had to accept and I did and I was sorry. But I am mad because I never get to tell them what I have to say. I am mad at my mentor because he could've been a mentor and not an asshole boss who sees his students like his pawns. I was not challenged intellectually, I was challenged mentally and physically to the extent of my own sanity. I was mad because my mentor could've understand me. But I get it because he can't and I can see because he's always stressed out, aggressive, and bitter. How can a man like him be such a good role model? My colleague, this guy that told me he don't like me, I dont like him to in the first place. He's roo self absorbed, rude, and self glorify himself too much as if he asks for love of his own parents. He could say such words to me because it shows how shallow he is. This girl that told me to go to psych ward, she did a mental illness research in the past when she don't get the level of a person with mental illness. Telling me that is like building a monster inside me. It makes me mad because saying I should be in the mental hospital felt like dehumanizing me. I am mad because I couldn't say a thing to these people on how they ignored their own words to make excuses to say things against me just because they have seen wrong in me. I am hurt, I am mad, and it's sadly building a monster in me. No I don't need a psych ward, I need understanding, care, and to forgive them. I am aware I made mistakes that I was wrong, that I learned from it. But at the same time it makes me so mad. I can't get over it and I don't know what to do. I just want to break something express this anger but I dont know why I cant. I feel like people will judge me.
I want to take a depression tear but I'm too scared to ask for on eand to be the first on win my family to do it