I feel like a failure.. Times getting short and not any of my thesis are done. My lecturer are really hard to reach on and I'm afraid I couldn't finish it in the remaining 5 months. I'm really scared, I don't know.. I don't want to be a failure to my parents of course, but I don't know what to do.
Today was a bad day. Nothing wrong happened but I barely have the energy to do the few daily chores I have. Shower, going outside to get bread for my breakfast, vacuuming the dinning room, stuff like that.
My past and present are shit and the future is not looking good. Being homeless is very probable if I don't change things. But it's so fucking hard... I can't find a job because I can't handle the pressure of being a responsible adult.
I'm so passive and apathetic and lazy...
I'm 24 and I'm jobless. Not that I haven't been applying for jobs, I'm just not lucky. I probably have applied for over 100 jobs by now but I just don't get accepted at all. Right now, I'm just helping my parents with their business and I don't even get paid which is fine. What frustrates me is that I don't get to live like a human. I mean, I can't get mad at all because my parents would kick me out. I'm so tired. When I tell them I'm heading out to look for job they'd say I'm wasting time outside. My heart hurts so much. Honestly, I'm planning to run away and if I end up spending all the money I have left to my name and still don't get a job, I'm taking the easy way out. If only it would rain money. If only I could win the lottery. Fck this. We're all going to hell anyway.
my sister choose the last dog and she choose a sick old dog who smelled but ok i was promised i could choose the next dog, i already had found him my mom just told me to wait a week, he was on the street suffering in winter, but i wait, but it was a lie, it wasn't for me to wait, it was for my sister to bring a dog she chose instead.. and she didn't tell us its a pittbull, like the real thing, those with the big ass head and aggressive asf.. also no one here knows how to properly train dogs or raise them, that's why i had choose my good friend from the street because he was chill, but my sister doesnt know dogs have personality and temperement, she just choose one that looks coolest for her instagram, and that really broke my heart for some reason , for months now. the fact that we dont know how to raise it, the fact pitbulls are dangerous, the fact she destroyed my dream, the fact they plotted to trick me, the fact the dog i had choose now suffers on the street, i had chose him because he said hi and was friendly.. i thought i would get over it because everyone was mean to me and told to not care, but this still upsets me so much inside, when i think about the dog that is on the street, and how they tricked me, today i kicked the sofa my sister was on when she was rude to me, my mom got out all stressed out and worried and angry at me. my sister is a huge loser who does nothing good with her life, but she invests whatever little energy she has to try to sabotage other people, my other sister, my dad , me and my mom, she is self destructive narcissist and just wants to make everyone around suffer, it's just so toxic and pathetic, this worm of a person needs to just go away and stop causing pain, ever since i was born shes been causing pain. i want her to go away
Most of the time, if not all the time, I feel like quiting. Quiting finding a job, friends or a relationship.
I hate cheaters. The woman who gave birth to me (I refuse to call her "mom" or "mother") cheated on my dad. It ruined him. He loved her so much, her cheating on him broke him. He became an alcoholic after that, 'til the day he died from asphyxiation in his own puke, drunk to boot. I HATE CHEATERS!
when I was a kid the older side of my family would always ask me to pull up my sleeves, I guess they knew something I didn't at the time
I remember when I was a kid, the older side of my family would always ask me to pull up my sleeves, I guess they knew something I didn't at the time