feeling drained. i wish people actually liked me. haven't had a meaningful connection in forever
I have a friend who's 20 years younger. C is 30 and we have become friends over the last year or so. we joke that we each want the other closer to our age cause were really perfect t together. I been getting the idea of just having sex with her cause we both admit we really need to have sex and both are seeking someone. I think we each know the other wants to but we don't want it to be wierd or ruin a great friendship. shes just so dam hot. I hope we get together the work on keeping it in the bedroom and not let it leak out from there..
Last night I got drunk. I had a really funny evening and it was wonderful... but now I feel like shit. Typical hangover. It's not like I'm the first person to experience this. But I hate myself so much right now for only being able to have fun when drinking too much alcohol.
I did something to my friend while on LSD and I don't know what it was it makes me feel like shit to think about because one I don't remember it and two I really hurt him. not physically btw but emotionally
Want a cold hard fact about life? We are all alone. No one will help you or stand by you when you go through hard times.
My best friend is an asshole and hate him.
should you revaluate your whole friendship with someone when all you feel like is competing with them 24/7? who gets more likes, followers, friends, who's prettier, skinnier etc. When all you feel like is keeping tabs/scores and one upping them in every single fucking thing they do. I've been doing this to an extreme that if something goes wrong (like them getting close to my friends) i completely fall apart and have a mental breakdown thinking im ugly, useless, worthless.. I know this isn't normal; i need to improve my mental health and just get better in general but i don't know if keeping this friendship would help me heal in the process or if it would be faster and quicker if i just let go and focus on me.
A lot of people hate me for being "that girl" who only hangs out with boys. More than once have I been accused of only doing this because I need the attention they give me, that I flirt with everyone just to get what I want, that I think I'm better than other girls because of it. The truth is, I REALLY like hanging out with guys more. Of course the following doesn't apply to neither every single girl nor every single boy out there, but I personally have found that it's true in the overwhelming majority of cases, especially in groups of friends; Guys are just more relaxed and less emotional, and therefore more compatible with both my sense of humour and way of expressing love. I like the "insulting each other but knowing we all don't really mean it" kind of bickering. And yes, a lot of girls do that too, but what I've also found in EVERY group of girl friends so far is those phases where they constantly hug each other and give each other compliments (that you know are fake sometimes) and tell each other how much they love everyone... And that's something that just makes me cringe. I can't do it. And I don't think I'm better than them, in fact I think I'm a little bit mentally crippled when it comes to expressing feelings. But that's why I fit so well with the boys. They aren't very emotional with each other, not with words at least. I also hate how complicated talking about things like crushes or one night stands or even fights with friends are with them. Girls analyse every single action that was taken, every word that was spoken and not spoken. If you tell a guy that you think the dude over there is attractive, he's like "cool, bang him! I'm gonna be your wingman". Simple and effective. And about the flirting... I'm never intentionally flirting with anyone (not even people I like, I'm just bad at that), this is literally the way I talk to people, I'm sorry if it gives a false impression. ...... Well, rant over I guess. I want to stress that I absolutely don't think girls are inferior. Or superior. I just think the genders are quite different; and somehow, I ended up fitting into the wrong gender when it comes to friendships. And I know that you probably want to comment how I'm seeing it all wrong and they actually aren't different and girls can also have those types of friendships and so on - because so far, whenever I've told someone about this problem, they all said more or less exactly that. But I've been in multiple friend groups (moved a lot as a teen, changed jobs and clubs) of both genders, and it always was like I described.
None of my friends ever get excited about the things that I get excited about. Conversations with Friend A are always about her, and when I try to talk about something that's important to me, she shortly acknowledges it but then immediately jumps to a topic that makes it impossible for me to talk about my stuff, because it's something like "I feel like killing myself again" that's impossible to ignore. Friend B is a one-upper, I don't think I have to explain that ("Oh congrats on your good work evaluation! I am getting promoted next Friday. But yours is good too!"). Friend C manages to make everything I get excited about sound boring as hell, like something that's already widely known and not worth talking about. Like when I found out that my ex boyfriend is the new anchor on a major TV channel, which was big news for me (because... how often do you see someone you know on TV?), she was like "yeah I've known that for ages, I think everybody does. He actually told my friend Harper a month ago. It's not like he's the new president." I'm so sick of never being allowed to be excited about anything. The cherry on top is that they constantly tell me to see a therapist because they fear I'm depressed. "You just never seem excited about anything!" Oh I wonder why not
Always wanted to be with a nice military guy. I'm currently studying for the asvab to get into the army myself but whether I'm in or not, the idea of a partner is nice. I have an older brother that served and I always admired him and the life for it.