I had sex for the first time and I get it now why my friends call it organic MMDA
I have just come to a realization. I have absolutely nobody. None, no one. My friends are fleeting, they're associates, I have no close friends. I have no one that is close to me, no one I can share my feelings with. My family, although I love them, are just too different, almost like there's a language barrier. The friends I do have just aren't that close to me (and not for lack of trying on my part) I am truly and utterly alone in this world, and the worst part is that I've just come to accept it.
I think this guy likes me, but I'm honestly not sure. I mean, he has a girlfriend. But he's so nice to me when he's kind of a dick to almost everyone else. He gives me genuine advice and compliments. He still teases me, but that's how we joke around with each other. I consider him a friend. Is this just friendly behavior? Does he like me as something more? Sometimes I wish I wasn't so socially inept. I've never been good with these things.
Im interested in people and be friends with them just because I love listening to their stories, their point of view and their thoughts. But they dont interest me because I look intimidating and creepy by look because I always have a resting bitch face. I wnted to smile but they dont smile so it be awkward. Plus im very shy. And I dont know I never made friends yet in college. And my loneliness adds up to my facial expression.
Since I am in a relationship and often hang out with my boyfriend's male friends, who practically treat me like "one of the boys" (meaning they don't try to be extra nice or change character in front of me), I learned so much about men that I now feel bad for all girls. And before any guy on here feels attacked, I of course know that not everyone is like that. But seeing that even guys who I always thought were so nice and mature and gentleman-like, share nudes of their girls in huge whatsapp group chats (talking about 200 members here), make plans on how to grab some girl's ass and making it look like an accident, lie to them to get them laid or tell each other how good or bad someone is in bed... I don't think I could ever trust a man I don't fully know ever again.
I've been to preoccupied with making new friends that I forgot about staying in contact with my old one. He has been there for me all the time and I was for him too..now I just feel awful.
I hate that everyone always wants to hang out at night. I hate walking home at night, especially in shady parts of the town (where my friends usually hang out). I feel like I'm basically asking to get raped. But the alternative is to lose all my friends if I always keep not coming with them. It's a classical dilemma.
All my friends turned into assholes. One of them cares only about herself, and when I try to talk about something, she just literally ignores it to talk about her own problem. The other one disappears for weeks or months, doesn't answer texts or calls and only reappears for a short time, expecting us to be as close as we've always been. The third one is just so rude sometimes, as if she didn't even like me anymore, but in the next moment she's all loving and calls me her best friend. I don't get it and I feel so alone.
Is it a bad thing to dislike physical contact? I don't mind handshakes or unavoidable situations like crowds but I hate hugs and pats on the shoulder and everything else that isn't necessary.
My friends almost all fucking suck but I can’t leave them because I have no one else