I want to love others more
Two friends of mine are ignoring me via text message currently. The weird thing is, they messaged me first. Asked how I am, said that they're sorry for not contacting me for a while, with the one friend we even started a really long text conversation with a lot of topics. But now both haven't texted back in a few weeks, and that's just weird. They don't know each other, by the way. Of course I could text them again, or call, but I don't want to be the one who tries to get back "together" when they obviously aren't valuing our friendship enough to write a text message. I'd just like to know what goes on in their heads...
I met a girl at the park. We were alone. It was dark. And cold. And raining a little. Her eyes and hair were black. Blacker than obsidian. And her skin was whiter than snow. She didn't talk much, and that was okay. Looking at her made me feel strange. Her black eyes reminded me of a demon, but her white clothes reminded me of an angel. She said Jupiter was her favourite planet, and her eyes seemed to flash a little when she said it, like she was talking about something she was passionate about. So I told her Jupiter was my favourite planet, too, now. I asked her if she had a curfew. She said no, her dad lets her do whatever she wants. I asked about her mom. She said her mom died. And then there was a black cat on the street. She made kissy noises at it and the cat ran up to her and she picked it up and stroked it. I asked if she knew that cat. She said no, cats just like her for some reason. She was weird. But so pretty. Her eyes. I have never seen someone with eyes so big and dark. But so bright at the same time. I asked her her name. Andromeda. Andromeda is her name. Like the galaxy. And when she said that, I thought: Yes that name suits her so well. Then she walked away before I could say goodbye. I really wanted to say goodbye. I really hope I see her again.
I did what everyone asked of me and they're still leave this vibe as if they're disappointed and tired of me.
I have a friend I thought I'm pretty close with. We haven't spoken much in a while, but I thought that was okay and just a thing that happens when two people have busy lives. But that friend just contacted me to ask if he can borrow my beer pong gear (I have a special set for that) because his roommate is throwing a party. Just that, no invitation, which I first didn't think about much. Then I drove over to his place and gave him the set, he said thank you, we chatted a bit and then he said good bye because he had party preparation to do. Still, no word lost about an invitation. Now of course I know that there could be logical reasons for him to not invite me. It's his roommates party, so maybe that guy didn't want strangers there, no problem. What really bugs me is that my friend didn't even bother to explain. We used to go to every party together, even skipped parties when the other one couldn't come, and now he didn't even bother to say anything. And that makes it very clear that we're not friends anymore. Which makes me so miserable that I couldn't even gather the courage to ask why this is.
I threw up in the toilet and started crying and my friend hugged me and just held me and I cried into his shirt until I calmed down. I've never in my life cried in front of another guy or even been hugged by one, but it feels so comforting. Like something I didn't know I needed. I wish this kind of stuff was less unusual amongst men/boys.
People always keep telling you that no matter what, they're truthfully vowing to stay with you, no matter what happens - but the moment you're gone and away you can just them all acting as they normally would. It's kind of a good thing, but on another note - it turns those heartful promises and words into "emotional quickies" that they give you just in the moments you needed them the most. No one really cared about me, even when it was too late.
When you love like I'm loving somebody's gotta hate you
I have a friend who is annoying and quite a hypocrite. Otherwise I like her, obviously, but those two things are getting out of hand lately. She's having exams currently, and every day I get about 5 messages of her saying how stressed out she is, how she's never going to make it, how she'll have to drop out and live on the streets... thing is, she's smart and always gets good grades. She already got back some exam results (exams she stressed over, too) and they're all straight A's. So, especially as someone who REALLY struggles with exams and gets a lot of D's and F's, this alone annoys me a lot. But what makes it worse is the fact that the other 5 messages she sends me are her complaining about two other girls in her major, who stress about exams although they're smart. She literally complains about other people doing what she's doing herself. I'm really close to loosing my shit and tell her how ridiculous she is, but I don't think I should do that because she's quite sensitive. I just hope that she will stop complaining when exams are over.
My friends thought I was lying about my relationship because they never saw a picture of me and my boyfriend, in Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram etc. They said I never really showed them a picture of us. And I can't show them anything because I don't have a picture of us in my phone because I love the feeling of emptiness in my phone and putting everything in one place. Plus I'm very private with my relationship with my boyfriend. Well not boyfriend anymore because today he proposed to me so yeah it was my fiance. I wonder though if they saw me wearing a ring. They'd probably would think my ring is fake. For me I find it funny because I always have to prove myself that I'm telling the truth when I actually never tell lies to my friends. My fiance and I are actually getting married privately too like just his immediately family and mines. I'm a private person and I don't trust my chatty friends who always make stories about everything out of nowhere; so I never bothered to introduce them my fiance because they'd either talk shit to me about him or they'd criticize him awfully and ask a lot of sex questions which I don't like revealing because I find it way too personal. Plus, they cheat on each other's boyfriends like why??? Two of my friends literally fought in the mall because my friend 1 met my friend 2's boyfriend got drunk and started sleeping together and has been doing it ever since. And all of them vice versa cheats on each other and there's fights like what? every month? It's massive and I also wonder why am I friends with these people?