I'm looking through wireclub chat rooms looking for you. I'm pathetic.
I’m just messing around, you said when we were at your house and you wouldn’t let me use the bathroom so I ended up peeing my pants. I’m just messing around, you said, and I believed you because I didn’t know any better. You drowned me. At the pool, you held me under the surface so long I started inhaling the water. I was just playing games, you said. You tied my hands behind my back and started taking off my clothes one by one until I broke into a puddle of tears. I’m just having a little fun, you said. In the boy’s locker room, you yelled at me to stop trying to grab your butt when I was only putting on my shirt and everyone stared at me with looks of disgust. It was a joke, you said. After that, I started avoiding you. I stopped sitting with you during lunch. I took different routes throughout the school just so I wouldn’t have to see you. You noticed this. Then, in math class, when I asked to go to the restroom, you said you needed to go, too. So the teacher told us to go at the same time. I didn’t look at you or speak to you during the walk down the hall. When we went inside the restroom, you immediately grabbed me and slammed me against the concrete wall and started beating me up. You were always bigger, stronger. I fell to the ground and suddenly your hand was around my throat. You told me that if I kept ignoring you, you would kill me. You asked me if I understood. I nodded. And then the hand that was around my throat started moving down my body. You put your hand on my dick and gave it a firm squeeze. Then you left. I cried there on the bathroom floor. After that, I started to hang out with you again because, well, did I really even have a choice? I would go to your house whenever you told me to, because if I didn’t you’d beat me up at school. There was that one time we were at your house playing a board game; out of nowhere, you flipped the board off the table and started punching me and kicking me real hard. Then you yanked me to your face by the collar of my shirt and started kissing me. Sort of. It was more like you were slobbering your lips all over mine. I wanted so, so badly for you to stop but I was too afraid to say or do anything. You told me to leave after that, so I left. I didn’t understand why you had kissed me like that. I didn’t care if you were gay or whatever but I couldn’t stand you doing that stuff to me. I hated it. I HATED IT! You started doing weird stuff like that to me all the time. You also started beating me up more often, sometimes for no reason at all. And you started spreading rumors about me. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I started to avoid you again. Then a few days later you followed me into the bathroom again. I started crying as soon as you came in. Like, really ugly pathetic sobbing because I knew you were just going to beat me up and threaten me again and I just couldn’t take any more of it. But you grabbed my shoulders and asked me why I was crying, and I told you that I was crying because I fucking hated you. I was crying because since the day I first hung out with you my life had been nothing but hell. I was crying because I just didn’t understand any of this. I didn’t understand why you beat me up and threatened me and then did things to me that only people who are in love with each other are supposed to do. After I said that, you leaned in and tried to kiss me and I pushed you away and screamed at you not to fucking do that. You told me to calm down but I couldn’t. I was absolutely hysterical. You grabbed me again and confessed that you were gay and that you’ve had feelings for me since the time we first started hanging out. You said you didn’t want to be gay, so you treated me like shit to try to convince yourself that you didn't have feelings for me. And you said you were sorry for everything you did. I said that I already suspected you were gay and that I didn’t care about that. I said all I wanted was for you to leave me alone. I said that if you didn’t leave me alone I would tell everyone you were gay, including your parents, because it was the one and only thing I could use against you. After that, you stopped bothering me. You stopped beating me up, stopped spreading rumors about me, stopped talking to me altogether. You don’t even look at me in halls anymore. And I sometimes wonder if I’m a bad person for using your sexual orientation against you, but you left me with no other choice. And despite everything you did to me, I still sincerely hope you’re doing okay.
I wish I knew what it is about me that makes it so damn easy for the people who claim they love me to be able to hurt me.
they were the ones that did me dirty so why the fuck am I wanting to contact them?!
all my friends are men that I sleep with or men that vanish when they get a girlfriend. I have no one real in my life
I'm torn between standing up for myself or going back to the ones that hurt me.
So, I lost most of my friends because the friendships weren't really deep and many of them moved away after school. Then I lost a friend because of a reason I still don't understand, he just stopped talking to me. Another one got into a relationship and basically vanished. Now I have 3 remaining friends, my best friends. One of them lives in another country and therefore me mostly just text. The second one is the "We meet once a year and it's always awesome but then you don't hear from me for another year" type. And now, the third one is mad at me. I don't even really know why. She just suddenly told me that I'm awful and later didn't apologize, so it's still quite cold between us. I just have no idea what I'm doing wrong to be left by everyone.
I have a overweight friend that purposely doesn't eat in front of my friends and I. I know she's hungry because we hangout 8 hours on some days and I've known her for 5 years. Never once do I see her eat a goddam thing. I feel so bad that she's not comfortable
There used to be a lot of people on here and I looked forward to reading everyone's post. Nowadays everyone is suicidal and wants someone else to solve their problems.
I made a new friend some months ago. We hang out a couple of times, mostly at bars or clubs. He often payed, because I have the problem of never having cash with me, but always promised to pay it back. And I did! I must admit that he sometimes had to remind me, but it was never the case that he needed the money for something or that I tried to make excuses to keep it. So, in my opinion, everything was alright. We then went on vacation together, with some other people. It was fun, we never got on each other's nerves like it can happen on vacation, I thought it was awesome. We went home, talking about how we have to hang out again soon, especially on his birthday. Well, can you already guess it? After that, I texted him, and didn't get a text back, even though he was online. I tried multiple times. On his birthday, I called and he didn't pick up. Now the friends we went on vacation with (he doesn't know them as long as me, and he didn't seem to have more fun with them than with me) are invited to his birthday party - I am not. I just don't get it. I guess it's because of the money, but it doesn't make any sense. He could've just said that he won't lent me money again if it annoys him so much. But I don't get how you can end a fun friendship over that?