My parents are in their late fifties and it amuses me endlessly how they talk about anyone on TV who is under 35 as "such a cute boy/girl"

The japanese term "magnum" to refer to a big dick is too funny

I feel like, I've been inside my house for too long (almost a full month without seeing anyone). I want to go out, but I don't want to. So... yeah. That's my live now

ok so I kinda like this guy in my class, NOT in a relationship way. I wanna be his friend soooo badly, and he's the ever so generic, popular guy. He's really nice and sweet and funny, and NOT my type to be in a relationship with, but just my type to be friends with. He has so many friends, and just about all of them have made fun of me at one point or another. We have just started to talk, but it was in health class and it was about masturbation because I said a really funny joke about the subject, he calls me out for it though just to make jokes out of my joke. And also he has a girlfriend, or had I'm not really sure they're pretty on and off but he's not the one to break it off, because he's so loyal to her and whenever they're dating she's super possessive, and when they're not it's like she doesn't even know him, and I'm afraid if I ask him he'll just assume that I like him, if I ask her if they're dating she'll freak because it's happened before, if not she'll laugh at my face and think that I like him and tell EVERYONE, and if I ask my friends they'll laugh because I'm known as the dumbass in my group because I know no tea, if I ask anyone they'll tell him , because he's friends with mostly everybody. What the freak.

One of my family's cats tends to snort really loud whenever she's annoyed. Kind of funny because it's such a human-like behavior.

I did a bedtime routine yoga routine and let out the loudest, bubbliest, stinkiest fart. I just had to sit there for a minute saying "oh lawd. Oh LAWD". I'm really glad I don't go to yoga classes or workout in public. Seriously the smell lingered for like 10 minutes.

Neither me nor cats like onions😂

my life is so fucking boring and predictable like a cliche chick flick that sometimes i think my life is just setting me up for shit to go down like an action packed climax, or maybe i'm just desperate. just give me something i'll gladly take it i have no life.

This is more of a "today I f****d up" kind of thing, though it happened yesterday. My wife and I were at the pool, loads of people around. At one point I let my mind wander, and so did my eyes. Apparently I was "staring" at some woman's bottoms and my wife got mad. The thing is I was really zoned out, I wasn't even looking at whoever was there. *sigh*

My English teacher tricked us, giving us a a fake spelling test. I downloaded an irregular amount of apps so I could learn Greek because of it.