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I got a notification that someone requested to follow me on Instagram so I go check out this person and I have no idea who she is. However, her bio says something about "stealing your girl" so I'm like yes okay this is good, but I can't figure out whether she lives close to me or not. So I go through her pictures to see whether she's tagged a place or has a location on a picture of something I know, and she hasn't. So I then find a picture where she's tagged some friends, and go through their pictures, and find one that says she lives in Florida. I live in the uk. I am just destined to have no love life

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  • i assume you are very lonely and you have no idea how instagram works. That isnt a dating site, you know that right?

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I don't understand why nobody hits on me until I get into a relationship. Once I'm no longer single, it's like everyone starts flirting with me. Why am I only attractive when I'm taken?!

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  • Maybe when you're happy and in a relationship you give out a confident vibe that people find attractive.

  • It might be partially because some guys want a "challenge". That's all I can think of anyway

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I'm 23 years old, turning 24 next month, and I just spent at least 5 minutes entertaining myself with making fart noises against my hand and arm. I'd keep doing that, but I'm in my car at work. I gotta come back from lunch soon.

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I want a car, that was made the year I was born.

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  • Is it a particular model or something? Why not a fancy wristwatch from the year you were born. Or a record player.

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Hallmark Christmas movies are the WORST, but I love watching them because it's funny how bad they are, and guessing the entire end after the first 20 minutes is a fun game. I am ashamed to admit I spend my Sunday nights watching hours of these films.

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Why do pescatarians say that they don’t eat meat? Not all do, but I’ve met plenty who say that they don’t eat meat, and then they go ahead and eat fish. Same with people who don’t eat red meat. Y’all are still eating animals, stop saying that you’re vegetarian. Smh.

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  • Why isn't fish called meat, anyway?

  • Not all people don't eat meat because they want to save animals. Some don't like the taste or think it's unhealthy, so they avoid certain types of meat. Pesceterians do eat animals, but not really meat, since fish isn't called meat. So they're right.

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I've been eating liver sausage and now my poop smells like it

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how bout thus nigga talks 2 me like im trash in someone else's phone, then tells me to quit dodging him. wtf?!

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  • Nigger

  • they said; this low brow man used words reserved for referencing garbage from a stranger's phone, then expects her to still come enjoy his company.

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I asked my professor if he's ever attracted to Kim Kardashian and he just told me, "I'm a Biology professor for god's sake! I study real organic creatures and how they work." I told him, " didn't you covered synthesis?" He said, "yeah but engineering isn't my field. Not really my favorite thing."

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  • Love his answer. For those who didn't get it, he mean't he only studies natural creation, not modified products. Though most people, including mysekf, survive on modified foods and images. I appreciate the creation of both, if done tastefully.

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You know when you go to a public restroom and there's a nice log there waiting for you? I did that. I'm that guy. It's an addiction.

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