I wish I could make people shit their pants with my mind.
I always ask myself , why is it that easy to ignore the loving gestures surrounding me and search the far andbeyond when it's still questionable.
So I'm Jewish and I got a pretty bad sexual fantasy. My wife is an Asian gentile. I want her to dress up in SS gear slap me around during sex. Maybe pee on me. What the fuck is wrong with me?
There's a young intern guy at my mom's workplace and apparently all her coworkers (bunch of middle-aged women) are infatuated with him and wanting him to marry their daughters. Even my mom was like "He'd be a good match for you! 😍🤩😍🤩" but she dropped it when I wasn't that interested. I find this weird but amusing.
My Taurus friend hooked up with a Taurus guy 5 years ago and pretty much spent the night and never left. They had 2 kids together then got married a few months ago. So just start leaving your stuff at his house until you've moved in.
I'd describe myself as a modern-day dandy.
My dad walks barefoot a lot (in the garden) and has really hard horny skin on his feet that's really scratchy. When moving around in his sleep, he scratches on the bed sheets, which leaves a lot of small holes on his side of the bed sheet. When I was a child, I didn't make the connection and asked my mom about it; she told me as a joke that the holes are there because my dad farts too much. Since then I always was afraid to fart when I had clothes on because I feared getting holes in them, and whenever someone else has holes in their bed sheets or pants, my first thought is still "they farted too heavily"
A few years back my mother disowned me. She didn't approve of my marriage or our children. Tried to bribe my wife to abort our son. So she disowned me and adopted her bf's bastard son to replace me. This weekend I got the news. Her boyfriend left her at the urging of his son to run off with a new woman. Now she's all alone as my wife and I celebrate our 10th anniversary. As the Germans would say Schadenfreude is the sweetest of all freudes. SUCK IT BITCH!
I’m so choosy when it comes to reading English books. I only want to read the ones that are written by native speakers.
I feel aweful for laughing. but it's mildly funny. I feel aweful it happened and that it'll cost them a lot of money. but there's some irony that's prettt funny. so my in laws have 2 pick up trucks, identical, that they care more about than their children as far as i'm concerned. trucks are meant to be used and to haul things, transport things. but not these ones. they want nothing to touch them ever. they've never hauled anything with it. never been on a bad road with it. they've taken the long way to get somewhere cuz a road had too many potholes. they park taking up 2-3 spots so no other cars touch them. if the kids do have to go in the truck they tell them to keep the door open, they'll shut it cuz they dont want them to end up "slamming it shut". one day I thought they were going to kill one of the kids when they found a scratch on the FOOT plate. you know, where you climb into the truck. the thing that ur feet go on to get into the truck. who the hell cares if there's a scratch there?! not to mention these are 2012 trucks. not 2018s. anyways after all that precaution, after being totally rediculous with how they drove the trucks and the amount they've screamed at their kids. we had a storm last night and a tree fell on both, one is totalled and the other is gonna need some serious work to it... as I said. it's aweful it happened, it's gonna cost a lot, I feel bad... but the irony is pretty funny. a scratch on the foot plate doesn't really matter now does it?