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Every Sunday morning my girlfriend leaves for work at 7am. I always sleep naked and her daughter comes in every week supposedly looking for "something". She is 19 and I used to pretend I was still sleeping but once she found out I was awake she just told me its ok because she already saw me naked lots of times. She keeps looking at my body and I cannot possibly stop from getting an erection. Sometimes I lay there naked for 5 or 10 minutes while she has a conversation with me. My girlfriend still knows nothing.

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  • i feel you will be fucking her soon!

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I love talking dirty to the female bill collector's

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  • over the last four years I had become friends with 5 women in their 20s who work at call centers. these are usually insurance related, roadside services, things were they're providing a service that people want and need. not trying to sale people things or services. occasionally they get crank calls are of the calls turn sexual and sometimes vulgar. this stuff doesn't shock them embarrass they do make them feel bad or uncomfortable. so keep that in mind when you make these calls or interface with a woman that you don't know

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I got two fucked up call's today

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Just in case you ever are or were mad at your English teacher for reading so much bullshit into metaphors and symbols that were supposedly hidden in small details in books (like the infamous "The courtains are blue because they symbolize the depression that the character goes through" - no Mrs. Miller, they are just fucking blue - and things like that). I am an author. I regularly write such metaphors or symbols. And guess what. Almost all of them happen by accident. Total coincidence. Sometimes I look back and I'm like "Wow, that's genius. Wish I had come up with that on purpose." Like, the curtains in my books are blue because my favorite color is blue or because while writing, I looked around and saw blue curtains. I always imagine English teachers or critics looking at those paragraphs and going on for hours about the ingrained symbolism. And I look back at my student years and am glad that I was probably right for being mad at Mrs. Miller in a lot of cases.

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  • I'm both a writer and a visual artist, and honestly, I feel like we do a lot of those small things subconsciously. Like the blue curtains. Idk about you, but when I write, I really get IN CHARACTER and place myself in the character's shoes to the point that I feel their emotions as if they were my own. And I write details that are... I guess you could say tinted by those emotions. Everything is dark and grey and blue because the character is struggling emotionally. But that isn't a clear thought I have, like 'Oh I'll do x because y.' It just... happens. It is symbolism but not 100% intentional LOL

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I called a bill collector at Commonwealth financial services I told the lady to take off her clothes and let's take a shower burst out laughing at her on the phone

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I got six fucked up call's today

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  • what were they abou??

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I wonder if some people think, after they pass gas, there is no way I ate the smell that just came out of me. 🙄

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  • they re not gonna pass gas in ur plate lol

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One of my favorite movies, when I was younger, was Splash, with Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah. I wanted to be a mermaid and hoped that if I stayed in the bathtub long enough, my legs would turn into a fin. Of course it never happened. That fantasy only lasted for a week, when I was 7 years old.

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  • Aww childhood stories are so much better than sex stories and sad stories

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I noticed that black cats run in front of moving cars the most, when it's dark. At least that is my experience. I guess they feel that nobody can see them at night. If they do, they must be aware that they are black cats. 🤔

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I got another funny call from New Jersey this evening

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  • wow. do enthrall us with yet another classic tale of how your mediocre, elementary school level pranks riled their bones. What did you do this time? your mom jokes? knock knock jokes? is your refrigerator running? Or did you do your timeless favorite and ask for something lewd and vulgar like a dewy eyed school boy just discovering his first playboy?

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