The First time i ejaculated my penis swelled up like a balloon...Is that normal?

good morning. so ... i met my boyfriend at my job 10 months ago we're both 20 something and he is 4 yrs older. We had a two hour conversation after i met him in a meeting 2 months into a new job and i already wanted him so I was the aggressor. Not in any tacky or sleazy way I just made it clear that i wanted him. At first we fooled around at work, then we were having sex and then we were hooking up outside of work. No one knew. He's a beautiful person so we really connect on a soul level. We've opened up to one another so much, shed tears and have a beautiful friendship as well. Lately we've been ramping it up A TON sexually. Like we've made ourselves vulnerable to getting caught at work, we have sex much more often and he's like sharing more with me about what he desires, vice versa. Anyhow, so I'm still a spiritual person, and sex does not come without the guilt of having premarital sex. I just really like sex with him. one night he was telling me his fantasies while we were in action and he said that he wants me to be his sex slave(i'm weird.. like rough sex... morally object to bdsm). then I asked if he is a demon. My long term ex was a jewish guy and asked if I was a succubus, the guy i'm confessing about asked me if I was a succubus. the man that molested me as a child called ME a demon when i saw him as an adult. I even wonder if I am one. so i just thought to ask him. and he said yes. and then he wouldn't let me off of him. another time we had sex I thoughtlessly said "oh god!" to him pleasuring me and he said "why are you calling on god?" I was like "what?" and he said "im asking you. you're the one calling his name." and that was just super unnerving. He says little offhand things, sometimes in a joking way, sometimes with a straight face that he will kidnap me, we're going to move where no one knows me, I'm going to be his slave, he's gonna have sex with me whenever he wants it, he'll say "i'm really jealous. let me find out that you're sleeping with another guy", one time he even said he'd kill me but he doesn't remember. I can't tell if he's serious. Everyone at our job LOVES him and relies on him. If his work speaks for him, then he is extremely disciplined and principled, he has an exemplary work ethic and a relationship with God to where, when we're not doing that whole dark sexuality thing, he ministers to me and I see life in a more compassionate and humble way, I feel less anxious and less stingy with my emotions. One of the VPs is married to a man who knew him as a preteen boy and said the person we experience is consistent with who he has always been. But also they all note that while he has this sweet and good as gold side, he has another one, even people who i'm sure never had a real conversation with him. We both take trains to the same station to get to work so we bump into one another and enter the building together frequently. But lately he doesnt appear to be at that station anymore, sometimes i really want to run into him. Three days ago, I told him this and he told me, I saw you, you did this and that I was on "my creep" and I didn't see him the following day either though i wondered if he was somewhere watching me. Last night i looked around a bunch and couldn't find him, but as i approached the building i turned fast and saw him, he seemed like startled by it. we only became official a few weeks ago though we've been in courtship all these months, so i just stopped going out with other guys and i thought i was pretty discreet about it when i was... but in an argument one morning he told me what he knew about it and it was A LOT of information that i'm curious how he got to know. i think my bf might be dangerous. I kind of like it, but sometimes it's overwhelming and I really do want to run away, I fantasize about stuff like this but the reality is A LOT

lost my cool yesterday. so my mum knows i can get extreme headaches from time to time, to the point of crying. yet yesterday she forced me to walk home in blinding light and blazing heat because she didnt wanna pick me up. so when i got home i was crying af cus it hurt so bad. and then she yelled hello, and i said hello back but i guess she didnt hear me cus she said hello again but louder. so i lost it and friggin screamed hello back at her before going downstairs.

For some reason it's always really embarassing for me if my parents see that I'm trying to look good, for example when I wear much make up or curl my hair or when I'm wearing something sexy. I just think that it must be weird for them to imagine me trying to be sexy for guys and what it may lead to.

Feels good to clear your consience C:

I'm tired of old men and little boys hitting on me. Where are all the 22 year olds or so?! Everyone in Providence and around Providence is ugly, I'm sorry. I'm not Victoria secret model but I'm definitely not ugly mess either.

I have a really thin body type naturally. I have always been *almost* underweight but still healthy (doctor-approved). I am 1.63m tall, female, and my weight is usually around 50kg. Which is still okay, but shouldn't be less. Well, lately I have lost my appetite. I blamed it on the summer heat that I only ate twice a day and small portions, but now the summer heat is gone since 2 weeks ago and I continue to eat less and less. Even if I try eating more, I can't swallow it. I lost 2kg in one month. I have no clue what it could be - every disease google shows me doesn't fit my (lack of) symptoms, and my doctor didn't take me very seriously - I think she just assumed I'm anorexic. She could do a few tests, but they're expensive. I don't know if I should just wait until my appetite reappears or if I should be more alarmed. (It certainly didn't help that my doctor told me how dangerous a low weight is and that I should better see a PSYCHOLOGIST).

got a prescriptionfor my anxiety. couldn't open the bottle. *cue attack*

everyone tells me to get help for my anxiety but they do that realize that therapy, appointments, talking about it, is a great cause of anxiety. it's not so black and white as "go get help or dont"

I am going to university but at the same time I'm not going. What I mean is: I'm enlisted, but never actually go there unless I have to in order to not get kicked out. The reason isn't that I'm lazy, it's because I noticed that my major is absolutely not what I want to do, but I just don't have a plan B. I'm trying to find another career option, but nothing seems suitable, and slowly I'm panicking because I can only keep this going for one more semester.