I dress like an old lady. I don't know why.
I procrastinate, when it comes to removing hair from my nether region. When I do get around to it, my underwear fits so much better.
Coffee makes me feel happy and aliiiiive. It's surprising when people say they don't feel anything after drinking coffee. Is it because they're not depressed or people just react differently to coffee?
Moments I wonder why I am here. I mean, living. I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I am sure, who knows how many, feels the same way. I feel like I am wallowing around in my life, and don't know what to do with it. To me, I feel like I am stuck on a difficult math question, that I can't skip over, or I will fail the test.
It's 6:08 am. I'm making coffee. I'm sitting in a half dark living room apartment, waiting for my coffee to finish brewing. I keep thinking if I'll ever be good enough for anyone, and when I will get to, really, rest.
One day I'm like "Human beings are beautiful! Look at that wonderful person over there!" and the next day I hate everyone. Why can't I stick in mode 1.
I hate people who intentionally give someone with anxiety the silent treatment as a form of punishment. They know it drives them insane with worry and self-hate, yet they do it anyway. And it's almost always people who claim to love them. That's not love. It's abuse.
I've reached an age where it would be normal for me to move out of my parent's house, I also have a long term relationship that starts to crumble a bit because of the awkward living situation, I just got a job... all in all, it seems like the perfect time to move out. But I'm too afraid of it. I feel like I don't know anything, and there's so much to know. Of course I tried, repeatedly over the years, to understand all those things like insurance, budgeting, tax paying, but somehow I can't wrap my head around it. Maybe I don't get it because I'm too afraid of it and make it a bigger issue than it actually is, but how can I help it? I'm even afraid of washing my own clothes and fucking them up. But mostly I'm afraid that my money won't be enough.
I'm so fucking gay and I want a girlfriend SO BAD but at the same time I have a crush on a guy lmao. Honestly if I had the choice, I'd rather have a girlfriend right now, but I'd be so happy if my crush asked me out. I just want someone to give my love to.
Whenever I talk to someone, I feel like I said something wrong but I'm afraid to ask if I did (unless I'm talking to a family member) because I don't want to make it even more weird and I just want to run away and crawl into somewhere dark