I am more stressed being in a relationship, than not being in one.
Sometimes I want Boris to choke me
There's a contest on the radio giving away money... they played it last year and one of the people who won was a coworker of mine who gets close to 3k a month from the government, brags all the time that he doesn't really need his job. and he wins. this time. my bf's mother just won. her new husband abuses their kids (she does nothing... and no he doesn't abuse her), she disowned the eldest kid and her own mother, she's cheated on practically every guy she's been with and on her spare time she critisizes every decision my bf and I make about our life, they have a huge house, motor bikes, snowmobiles and 2 trucks they treat better than their children.... and so the universe is just like here, have some free money.... fucking hate how life works
All I want for my brother is to at least treat me like his sister and respect me as a human being. He's always grumpy of me, I cannot talk to him nicely. He always wanted me to go away. But if he wants to know something or wants to get something to me, he's even bother me on my most busy times. I don't mind. I don't mind anyway because if I do he'll ask my mom what the fuck is my problem. The thing is he's the problem. I can't even tell him these because he won't listen, he'll use his so called Philosophy degree towards me. He won't care and he'll just say, "okay okay now go away." I know he has depression and I understand it but he doesn't have to be a dick to me to show me that he has that problem. He needs help, he probably needs medication but again, he uses this Philosophy mindset that made his life even worse. I think Philosophy is a great thing but using that to every simple things just gives life a bit of conflict. At least he should think like a normal human being. I feel like that degree he pursued went all over his soul. He's so quiet and nice to other people and to our close friends but at home, he's a huge ass hole. I wanted to leave home, I wanted to go. I wanted to stay away from my family and be independent. I mean my reasons towards moving away might just be beyond my brother's attitude but yes it's also my brother's attitude. If he can't move out then I will. I'm just trying to find a way to get a job that provides health insurance since I have a disability that requires a constant care to the hospital. But really... I never understood why he's this abusive to me why he can't treat me nicely. I wanted to know if I don't exist in his life what will happen? I mean I know for sure our friends will ask where was I but mostly I think he just doesn't care. But I want to leave anyway, I just want to stay away from him. All my childhood he was like this. Ever since I have my first memory....
I am planning on faking a concussion just for attention cause I don't get any.
i was sad and down yesterday. i hate it. but im glad that there also some people who living like me so i wont feel alone. and i dont get it why people around me can live their life so damn fine while im trying so hard to at least not cry in a day. i ever tried to tell my friends about what ive been through and stuff but they didnt understand. i really hope today can end well. good luck for us today, lets start our day and eat delicious meals. lets make ourselves happy although for me today is not such a good day ;(
I HATE when people call me. It's such a weird pet peeve cause that's one of the main purposes of a phone, but it just annoys me when people randomly call me. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY CALL FOR SHIT THEY CAN JUST TEXT ME ABOUT 🤯
I am having hallucinations right now and I'm very afraid. I've never had any before. And no, I didn't take drugs; I am ill and it probably comes from the weakness and fever. They aren't even severe; it just looked like it was raining outside, but it isn't. Now it looks like there's fog in my room, but only in one place, so I guess this isn't real either. What scares me about this is that I always thought I'm invincible to this sort of thing. That even though I can't trust on my body (I have a chronic illness and multiple other bodily issues), I can rely on my mind to function. When people talked about hallucinations, I honestly always thought this was kinda made up. I mean, I believed the people who said it, but some part of me just refused to believe that it happens... at least to me. You know? Like when you know that people really die from smoking but you still smoke because "not me". I guess I'm making a bigger fuss about this than I'd have to, and I'm sorry for sounding like a crybaby. I just feel unsafe in my own head right now and this isn't a pleasant feeling. (By the way, I'm going to the doctor tomorrow anyways and will tell him about it.)
It annoys me when my boyfriend asks me to go out and get something for him when I could've gotten it the day before while I was already out if he asked. Or when he could easily get it himself. If I'm going out anyway, like to work or grocery shop, just tell me anything you need that we have money for and I'll get it in one trip. Unless it's one of those days where traffic is really stressful, I don't care. I'd rather get it in one go than get some stuff and have to go back out the next day for one thing. Like the other day I was at the grocery store and asked if he wanted any pop. He gets caffeine headaches without it. He said no, didn't want any. Then the next day he asks me to get him some pop. Made me so annoyed, why didn't you say so yesterday?! We didnt get more money between now and then, and you know how you are with a caffeine headache. He got it himself.
i wanna have friends. i do have friends but still i feel alone, and im afraid to be in friendship thingy knowing everyone come and go and that always happen when i just accept them as my close friends. and i also dont have a boyf yet i feel so empty. i have no interest in my college things also ewh im tired