im a super effeminate guy and i dont know how to live my life normally and be normal

Ive always wanted to get a girl to give me a blowjob under my desk at work while im talking to someone who doesnt know shes there

i have a fantasy and fetish for effeminate guys and trans girls. and all it would take is someone like that whipping out their dick to have me on my knees for them

Being sick makes me feel depressed. I just banged my head against a wall singing about shit I wanted to rant about for 10 straight minutes. Being sick is awful, especially when it means that you can't go to school and see the people that make you feel alive. Even gaming, one of my only hobbies, is boring when I'm sick. I can't fucking stand it. I know damn well I have problems, but being sick amplifies them. I can't even tell what those problems are and probably never will be able to unless I go to therapy. But, going to therapy means having to speak to an adult about paying for it. I can't ask someone to pay for my therapy. It just doesn't feel right, making people I barely know (I live in a foster home) pay for my wellbeing. Everything feels wrong, and I hate it.

Is it wierd that when i watch videos about sufferes with anorexia it encourages me to quit eating?

I enjoy solving math problems. looking up statistics and stuff.... so started looking at covid numbers today for the US. 2.8% of all testing came back positive. 7.8% of those positive results caused death. that's 0.06% of the total population. then I looked at abortion numbers in the US. 18% of all pregnancies are aborted. that means people are panicking over something that is 300 times less deadly than something they have done for years while believing it's they're right.

is it bad if i like being used in sex, im a boy

todays jiu jitsu practice wasnt all well and good, it was rough today, i was so lazy and beat up. also a girl kinda made me help her steal lemons from lemon tree and it was awkward she wasnt that nice to me i felt kinda used and as if someones been mean to me

today i was trying to go to the park nearby to smoke a joint then this girl that usually shows up to smoke (shes cute as heck) was like help me get some lemons and i was like omg ... fine.. then we was straight stealing those lemons lmao it was funny but afterwards i felt bad like, idk she just used me i guess :/ didnt even wanna hangout with me afterwards and wasnt that nice to me at all , i am ugly and super awkward tho so i understand, but just like damn, if i was different she would probably be nice to me :/ i need that

I love my family but I hate living with them. They are overbearing and judgemental and sexist, but they're also very kind and loving and sacrificing.I love them but I can't wait to leave here, this beautiful house that doesn't feel like home, where I never feel safe even in my own room.