I used to love my job, but every day I spend here makes me want to leave a little more. I'm just so tired of the people I work with acting like children 24/7, and I'm tired of getting my hours cut. I'm just tired.
I'm not one of those people who lives by astrology and constantly asks people what their sign is. I don't believe in all that. But there are parts of all that craziness that seem to have something to them. For example, the past weeks have been complete shit for not just me but EVERYONE I KNOW. Found out today Mercury is in retrograde. It was like "Oh well that would explain a fucking lot." Sometimes I wonder how much "insanity" people dismiss that's actually at least somewhat valid.
I'm really afraid of death. Well not death itself, but of how one might die, if that makes sense. Life is just so unexpected. One moment you can be okay, and the next something happens and you're gone. I'm so paranoid all the time about having a stroke or a heart attack or developing some crazy disease. Of going outside and getting hit by a car or falling down a flight of stairs and that being it. I mean, it really scares the shit out of me. Not even just for myself, but others too. I guess it's the idea of prematurely dying that puts me on edge. It's so bizarre. Like what if I were to die tomorrow? I havent even fucking lived my life. I know it's dramatic and I hate thinking of it, but I have days when it's all I can think about and every minor ache/pain sends me into a frenzy of "omg, is this indicative of some deeper issue? Should I be worried?" etc. Am I crazy or is this reasonable? I don't even know anymore.
Every time I fall asleep on my back I have a nightmare. Why?
I am not a good person to vent to yet it feels like I'm the designated therapist of my friend group. I know they trust me and all, but I am really not the person to get advice from.
Im 29 yeas old.. this uear ill be 30.. life is going to fast :/.. someday ill wake up like a 70 yeas old grandma.. this make me sad.. i wanna live.. i do not wanna die..
Sometimes i just think that life is like the sims.. we are just the sims of someone or something..
I was once in a hotel in Helsinki for 3 weeks in a vacation. Im a Brasilian woman who lives in switzerland for about 5 yeas now. I dont like switzerland so much.. the thing is.. when i checked out from my hotel in helsinki, the receptio ist asked me if i would travel for another country or if im just going to go home.. i answered “im going home” and he asked me “where is home?” That question bugged my head.. i dont feel like home in switzerland, but brazil is not my home anymore.. and them i just answered “ i dont know, but i live in the moment in switzerland”. Since this day i just have a weird feeling in my heart.. i dont feel like “home” anywhere.. :/ is that normal??? And everyday now i remember the question.. “where is home??” :(
I can understand a mistake like when you're tired or busy or just doing it to be funny, but if you constantly misspell your words and neglect basic grammar just to be downright lazy, don't be surprised when I don't want to text you. You make me lose brain cells with every text you send and I know for a fact that English is your first and only language, so don't even try me with those excuses. If you really don't like texting, then call me. You act like you're not using a phone right now. I don't care if it takes longer to make an actual, readable sentence; I'll gladly wait an extra minute for you to make sense. You'll spend the same time trying to explain what you just said with your busted words anyway.
Cleaning gives me some semblance of purpose. People think I'm over working myself on chores, but I find joy in it.