update : that person i like doesnt hate me, she made a prayer for me, remembered my name, and wishes well for me. today was one of the best days ever
when that one person i like makes a prayer live stream she always mentions the lonely and that God should comfort them and stuff, i feel like shes talking about me and that i should go away, is that just my anxiety? i feel like it isnt,cuz i felt like she never seen almost anything i wrote so id just write repetitively a lot like spam the same thing, but what if its the opposite, and she read a lot of it, and now she thinks im retarded, desperate mentally ill or a psychopath. also yea i am really really lonely , when u think about health and stuff, people talk about fitness and food but we try not to talk about how being lonely and not ever getting hugged or affection will make u sick too. despite everything i do im still sick and unhealthy because i dont know love i guess, i dont know what i should do, i will be alone at home for new years. im a person who is honest a lot irl, and i was thinking to just be really honest and just tell someone that i dont want to be alone at home , that im afraid of ghosts, that i dont have anyone to be with me, but i dont have anyone to say this to
I just wish someone would be here and hold me in their embrace, the kind of one that just makes the world stop and feel good for a moment
so when a female friend of mine comes over to my place, she casual walks around the house in lingerie or sometimes nude because she's comfortable with me
My father invited a drug addicted woman into our home two years ago. Her home was condemned and my dad let her stay with us until she got her own place. Long story short she stole over 3000 dollars from him, his wallet and despite my warnings and actions against her, he ended up in a nursing home because he couldn't afford living at home. I got landed the house for a short two months, working myself trying to balance the bills and debts he accumulated, my own life and a newborn. She broke into the house on Christmas to steal my dads meds which I kept in a safe. luckily she didn't succeed. My father passed away two months after. She was never seen again. And I have hated her since. I had nothing but pure and unbridled resentment. She is a huge reason my father had to go to a nursing home. She took advantage of his kind heart, and she stole from him. She lied right to my face about it. I was so furious, I nearly killed her. For two years I held pure hatred for her. I heard once she got arrested and i used to work with her brother in law. I told him I wished she would die. plain and simple. sometimes I wondered where I would be, besides prison, if I ended up killing her that night. Im a pacifist by nature and a Taoist so violence and these deep feelings aren't my way of life but she just brings out the worst of me. WELL, two days ago, my ex landlord and good friend texted me and told me that she died. after two, almost three years, she finally snuffed it. First I was relieved. I was excited. I celebrated for goodness sake. but after two hours I was left with pure depression. Three years I was carried with vengeance and hatred. Now her fate caught up with her. But it doesn't fix the problems she made. it doesn't bring back my father. I don't regret celebrating her death. I regret letting the feelings of vengeance and rage hold me so long. The Tao says "When someone comes to do me harm, I will not harbor thoughts of revenge." its a two edged sword.
It sucks that I can not see my posts that I made 3+ years ago
I feel so broken. So distant. This time of year if always hard, but after 9 months of quarantine... It hits harder. I'm detached from reality, I have no energy, no time. My sex drive is non-existent, even though I keep having dreams about being sexually frustrated. My partner is starting to feel unwanted, and he's doubting himself. And I feel terrible about it.
my dream is to find someone who will be my best friend and my gf, and were helping each other everyday more than we help anyone else, and we make time to help each other, id like if we both had same career tbh i think that would be cool, i wish she would understand me and also want to be a ninja, and we dedicate our lives to make ourselve and eachother better ninja as possible and push it to the absolute limit , fuck it lets see how much of a ninja u can really be , i wish someone understood me, other than that person who is out of the question
Does anyone know if its a good idea to make a fetish tinder, without showing my face? like i was thinking to just say im looking for someone who would be into this this and this etc and then maybe show a body picture i guess , what do yall think? im really lonely and im too insecure about my fetishes to actually date thats why i think of this instead ..
Can a computer detect a nearby cellphone? Our work said the computer and camera can detect nearby phone (even when it is not visible to camera) I am not good at softwares s and such so I'd like to know if that is really possible