My first birthday as an independent adult is coming up and honestly, I wish I didn't. Until now, my mom always organised the family celebration. I never cared much about it, basically was like any other family get together, I was there and that's it. But now, I have to organise and pay for it, and I don't really want to. I'm not very close with my family. I actually hate evenings like this because they exhaust me, but the though of also having to be a host makes me just so tired. Of course I could just not celebrate, but I know that they'd all see this as a big offense (which is totally justified, as they invite me to their birthdays too) and I don't want that. Maybe I'm stressing about this more than I should, but I have no idea how to be host. I can't even cook. I don't have the kind of money to pay a restaurant visit for over 10 people. I also don't want to be a cheap ass who invites them but asks them to pay. Ugh.

when it comes to dating, i'm self conscious about my name and ethniticity. #arab #mohamed what do people think?

i haven't orgasmed in over a month and i feel fucken great!

I don't know what's wrong with him. I want him to get a grip.

I feel bad about this but... Sometimes I think about not working anymore and living off of state benefits instead. It's mostly like on of those thoughts you have at 5 am after your alarm went off and you're like "ugh I want to quit haha", but sometimes I actually wonder what it would be like, and have the feeling it would be awesome. I would be able to afford most stuff I do now, I would have time for myself which is the one thing I'm missing now, being able to pick up a small job here and there whenever I get bored... the only reason why I'm not going to do it is because I don't want to be a leech living off of other people's taxes that they payed with hard working jobs. But sometimes, when you're the one paying those taxes and see how other people are living an easy life while doing nothing, you wonder why you're even getting up at 5 anymore.

I'm at my breaking point. I can't handle the bills by myself. My fiance has been trying to find a job for over a year and can't get anything. We were scraping by when I worked full time at a call center but I lost my job there. I work part time at Walmart and I can't do it all on my own. If we had two incomes we could maybe do it. He sold his xbox to get our internet bill current and was talking about selling my TV to pay another bill. That broke me. We don't use that TV much but I still use it sometimes when I want to sleep in our bed but need the TV to fall asleep. And still, it's MY TV. We can't sell my stuff when I've been busting my ass to support us. I've had anxiety and depression, but I've fought through it to go to work. I lost my dad and I went back to work after my bereavement leave. I have been supporting myself and making it work since I lost my mom 6 years ago. It's nuts to me that I'm in worse shape now than when I was 19 and living on my own for the first time. I hate this. I hate this stupid trailer we're renting that isn't worth the rent to begin with and they just raised it $25. But we didn't have the money to move or a lot of time to find somewhere else to live. I hate this stupid fucking piece of shit trailer and honestly, I hate my life right now. He asked what I want him to do. Honestly, I don't know, but selling our stuff is a band aid solution. Get out there and get a goddamn job?

sugar daddy wanted 18f

Everyday I think about the direction my life is going, and there are so many questions I don't understand. I feel content, confused, frustrated, sad, unsatisfied, and at times odd spurts of happiness that comes and goes but don't know why (my brain forcing me to cope maybe, I don't know?). I feel like I don't have control of my surroundings or my emotions. It's exhausting. Just when I feel like I have a solution, within a few weeks or a day I find myself starting over again.

sometimes it's hard to put real words with internal thoughts. it's kinda why I love this app. I mean as an27 year old married mom of 4 I have secrets. I started my life when I was still a child and at the end of the day I happy with who I am but in the same breath I'm sad at what I missed and who I could have been. choice aren't only for the moment but have the ability to change your whole life and then if becomes make the best instead of I can do what I need to do for me.

if eyes could kill them my sister's boyfriend would be dead already. and my sister would be in a coma for being foolish.