In summer 2015 I was in a hospital because of too high blood pressure (I'm overweight and high blood pressure is a common thing in my family). Since then I became paranoid about having too high blood pressure. During the day I'm not afraid, but if I try to fall asleep, I begin to worry about my blood pressure and then I freak out to the point of getting an immense panic attack. The first time it happened, I didn't know it was a panic attack and I ended up thinking that it's the end for me, so I called an ambulance. Now it happens every night. Every time I lay down to sleep, I can't help but think about it and I begin to freak myself out. I can't rest properly because of it. And I have no idea what to do with it. I was hoping it would pass, but I guess I really need help.
Back at my last job, I only get to have a maximum of 2 hours sleep.I worked for more than 16 hours everyday with 11 straight days work and less than a day to rest(rest day). This went on for months. I would also skip lunch just to finish all the work for the day and have to do a job equivalent of 5 people's job. One time, I was too sleepy with still lots of work that my heart just beats too fast and had too many short breaths. My hands were cramping as well. No one noticed as they are busy as well. I don't even drink coffee. Thinking of it now, I'm glad I left because I could be dead by now if it continues. Btw, we were all paid just a minimum wage. Don't be afraid to leave a job that kills you. If it makes you unhappy and causes health problem, always think that there are jobs with more opportunities that treats employees better. --- 물 :)
Any time I have a sexual dream, it's a nightmare. Usually someone either degrades me while touching me in public or rapes one of my sisters in front of me. I don't know where these type of nightmares comes from because thankfully nothing like this has happened to me in life.
Happy Pride month to all my fellow LGBTQ+ friends! Here's to celebrating how far we've come already, and revving up to keep fighting for our rights. We'll get there.
I usually filter people I date by their income and wealth, or career. It's all about the money
I feel hopeless. Like I am being tested or punished
My parents had a house, no direct neighbours. Since I live alone, in an apartment complex, I have a lot of neighbours. And I honestly don't know if I can handle the noise, because I feel like it's slowly driving me insane. It's not that the people around me are rudely or obnoxiously loud, it's just normal noise. Bumping, sounds of things being dropped, doors closing, flushing, washing machines, talking, laughing... all normal. Still, as someone who's not used to it, I can't handle it.
My apartment manager came to my apartment to fix the refrigerator, to stop the over freezing and the bottom to cool again, a day and a half ago. He took the back out, inside of the freezer to scrub the ice and put the back on. He said to let him know if the freezing stops later that evening. I forgot, so I texted him yesterday. He said he will have someone to come on Monday. This morning, the refrigerator was still running and I haven't heard it cut off. I open the freezer to see more ice than before. I turn the knob to turn down the temperature. The knob was loose. The apartment manager broke the knob and tried to hide the issue. This is not the first time he's done something similar to this. He has done things to the other residents as well. I don't trust him. I may have to change my off day to Monday to be at my apartment, when the maintenance man gets there.
everytime I need to actually talk. no one.
I believe that I am obsessed with seclusion. I still go to work, where there are well over 100 people there. Yet outside of work, I go into my regular life as predominantly a recluse. I haven't spoken to high school or college friends in so long, I cannot say that we are friends, but memories now. I mainly visit my mother and father. I have a boyfriend, but we live quite a distance away from each other. His personality is similar, to mine, but I am a bit more of an introvert than he is. There may be consequences for me being this way. I feel, safe, at peace and the most connected with my self, the less people I communicate or have around.