I'm so tired of my mom right now. She pisses me off daily at this point, sometimes several times a day. I just wish I could get away for a little bit.
I love stories with tragic hostility and fighting between two siblings who are broken inside because I like hurting my feelings.
I'm a tiny bit jealous of people who have middle names, especially those who have two of them. Especially when their names actually sound fancy and cool, like three of my cousins who each have three awesome given names in total.
I have a doctor's appointment that I've waited for for about half a year. Despite it being a really shitty kind of appointment that needs a really awful preparation (it's a colonoscopy), I couldn't wait to finally do it because I finally need a diagnosis for whatever illness I have that's currently making my life miserable. So, the doctor told me what I have to do beforehand and I did that, all fine. Today's the day, and out of boredom (and nervousness, to be honest) I looked the procedure up on the internet. And there was a lot stuff written there, that I should have done, that my doctor either didn't tell me or that I forgot again - like not being allowed to eat certain food (which I did eat) or not being allowed to drink anything after swallowing the laxative (which I also didn't know) and that if you do that wrongly, the colonoscopy can't be done. Well, I am done now. I didn't eat all day, drank laxatives, waited for half a year for this, didn't go to work (and make my co-workers hate me for it) and now this apparently can't be done because the doctor (I think) forgot to tell me this...
I haven't been really anxious or dysphoric since I left college. yeah it pops up every now and then. But not like it used to. it used to be an every week thing. Now its maybe once every couple months I'll have a bad day. But it's kinda been a bad week.... snd I dont like it. I know a little of what's causing the anxiety, but it shouldn't be this bad. ugh fuck emotions man.
I have to say this here because I know it's stupid, and I know I'll be criticized for it if I tell anyone else. If I smell kitty litter or something that smells similar to it, it reminds me of my cat and I get sad. I miss him so much. I hate that something as simple as just the scent of kitty litter makes me think of him. He's been gone for almost half a year now.
I'm ridiculously shy. Can't even ask my mom for a hug.
Confesster has become part of my everyday routine. I always scroll through it before bed
I just want to be left alone and have no one text me and no one call me but it seems like NO ONE gets the signal and I don’t want to be rude or ignore anyone because I’m not like that my anxiety turns into anger
It's easy to see when a cat wants affection or when it doesn't, and it's even easier to pet and hug it and tell it how cute it is. I wish it was that simple with people. With them, I rarely dare to show affection because I'm scared of overstepping my boundaries or coming across as weird. I can't exactly go up to my friend and and hug them - I haven't seen many other people do that either.